


Unburden Thy Heart

by Ailuroos



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, I'm not even gonna tag Adriel, a lot of tears and hugs, fluff too, i don't think i can do angst really well but there is a bit of it..., i'm a sucker for soft lilith so there's a bunch of soft lilith here..., i'm not gona tag all friendship tags because it's all of them, mention of shannon/mary, there is some oc sisters... both current and dead halo bearers, this not about him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 53,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailuroos/pseuds/Ailuroos
Summary: Ava's greatest fear was being left alone, but her greatest doubt was that if she'd still have her new friends if she ever went back to being quadriplegic.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 66
Kudos: 231





	1. Book of Prophecies

**Author's Note:**

> I'LL LEAVE A LONG ASS NOTE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE BRIEF. So sorry.
> 
> 1- Who the fuck is Teresa? I don't participate on discord groups or anything and i don't really follow tags as much as visit them from time to time. my fandom interactions are very light i must say, i read, i write (sometimes...............), i reblog and done. So I appreciate if anyone can tell me who the fuck is Teresa. I Think i caught the gist buuut can't never be too sure...
> 
> 2- this will be 4 'books' long i'm writing the 4th already i was going to have everything finished before posting, but not only life went to hell but i also started to see some similar things appearing on some other fics and got anxious. it's different enough and heck is the same source material but i got anxious.
> 
> 3- Although i already have 2 and 3 done i have no idea when i'll get to post them. much less actually finish and clean up the 4th book. i'll happen eventually. i'm really hopping for things to normalize by the end of this week but man i'm tired so even if they do i probably only will be back to being a human being again next week so...
> 
> 4- i though i was doing a really good thing in managing the sizes... first one arround 7500, second a little over 9000... and then third was like 36000+.... i don't know how that happened. So tell me if you guys would preffer if i broke book 3 a bit or if i post the whole block of text as one and be done with it... (it will obviously make the number of chapters rise... but anyway... I'm a little scared of what will happen to book 4, this already longer than the main work i was doing until warrior nun bitch slapped me in the face. i wrote what i already have done so fast.... (compared to my usual pace anyway)
> 
> 5- I'm also breaking my resolution of waiting until i'm done with it to post it because i really love you guys feedback and i thought a bit of cheer would lift a bit my spirits. so yeah comments are as always appreciated. 
> 
> 6- and final rambling point. This is specially focused on Ava's and her relationship with all the sisters as well as a bit of their own perceptions of self. So i think i could officially call this a slow burn fic. where there will be Ava/Bea but even then it's not really the main focus or the goal or ending line of the story. I also put graphic depictions of violence but i wonder if it's a correct tag to be putting... i guess it is... kinda?

_For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit._

_**2 Peter 1:21** _

* * *

**I.**

It starts, much like before, with a dream. A dream of being dead. However, she is not looking from above this time. And neither is her body on top of a cold morgue table. She is on the ground, body thrown aside, front down against the ground and eyes left open and unseeing. There are tear tracks on her dirty and ashen face and a pool of blood under her that only keeps growing. The back of her shirt is completely destroyed and what is left of it is damp and darkened by her blood. Her back is ripped open, by claw marks… or maybe it was a butcher’s knife. It had been done so aggressively that it would be impossible to really tell.

There is no Halo anymore. And there is no one coming for her. Just a little quadriplegic girl forgotten in a dirty corner, away from people's eyes. 

Alone.

That’s usually when she wakes up. Sometimes, it takes a while for her to notice that she is not on her orphanage bed. She looks to her right and there is no Diego for one, and the walls are made of stone and there is none of the posters that used to adorn her side of the room. Posters that little Diego, the saving grace of her previous life, had put up as she picked and choosed. It had been a good afternoon. 

In this room the walls are bare except for a wooden cross in the OCS style. To her right there is a desk and chair and to her left there is the window in a little alcove. The drawings and the pictures that once belonged to the room's previous owner had long been removed. Mary had collected all the little reminders left by Shannon as soon as they had been able to come back to Cat’s Cradle. But even though she often questioned if she truly deserved it this room had always belonged to the Warrior Nun so now it was hers. _Maybe it's something to do with the hidden room._

On those times she takes a while to gather her bearings, she also has a hard time being able to start to move. If not for the fact that she still feels things below her neck, it’s almost as if she is quadriplegic again. And then someone comes banging on her door demanding to know why she wasn’t up yet. Usually Lilith or Mary. Or there would be a more quiet approach and a cheerful or concerned call from behind the closed door. Usually Camila or Beatrice. These little outside interventions, more than enough to jump start her day and bring her back to the present. 

The dream lingered, however, and repeated itself with growing frequency. She feared it was some sort of vision. And if it was, she feared to know if she was just left alone or if like her, the others had also been killed, away from her sight, because she had been too weak to save them... to help them. But what she feared the most was not knowing which of these situations she was more scared of.

She hasn't told anyone about the dreams. At first she just thought of them like the ones she had before. Before she was brought back to life. Before the Halo.

Adriel was still at large and so was Vincent, the bastard. Demons still popped around, some times more focused and full of intent while other times it was more random. The speculation was that Adriel was able to control the wraiths to some extent, but it didn’t mean that he was necessarily responsible for all demons’ attacks. It made them wonder, though, if all this would actually be done with. If their mission would ever really end. There would still be evil even without possession, but the OCS went after the forces humans couldn’t handle by themselves. It was thought that Adriel was responsible for their presence in their plane, but if it’s not true, if they can come even when Adriel is defeated the OCS mission will forever remain.

Duretti, or whatever name he had chosen for himself as a Pope, has agreed that Adriel was a larger problem than his discontentment with the OCS, he still tried to make them a army for him and his agenda and there were still some fight about where the recuperated Divinium would be stored for a while. But after more than one failed mission by the team of his own making he finally had somewhat relented that they knew what they were doing better than him. At least when it came to choosing Warrior Sisters. He was also much more busy now as a Pope than he was as a Cardinal.

So changes were made and agreed upon between the Church and the OCS. 

The OCS wouldn’t have a priest or overseer anymore, at least not one in a position of leadership, and were now reporting directly to the Pope. That was one of the compromises they came to. In exchange Mother Superion demanded more autonomy to the Order, like they used to have when the Order was founded. Mostly meaning that Duretti would have no say on who could or couldn’t be a member of the OCS. The Order knew best what the Order needed after all.

It meant the five of them didn’t need to be on the run or without allies. It meant they had one less problem. They had spent nearly one month on the run until they’ve gotten word to get back to Cat’s Cradle. 

Maybe she should tell someone about the dream. She had it three times just that week. Maybe it’s a prophetic dream indeed, and she should tell them so they can better prepare. Or maybe it’s just her fear and pain showing it’s head, but if she took anything out from Sister Melanie’s journal entry... Beatrice would probably like to know about it. And she would probably talk about how to get past it so she could finally unburden herself.

However, it’s not with Beatrice that she talks about it first.

Ava can recognize that she is a person that is easily distracted most of the time. She will get lost in thought and stare either blankly or really intensely at something. Or something will easily catch her attention and break her concentration, or she will get stir crazy and lose focus. 

She knows that.

And she can also admit that she has been getting lost in thought way more frequently lately. Even Beatrice was having a hard time to keep her attention lately. 

It just so happens that it’s Mary who loses her patience with her. Admittedly, she is a tad surprise it wasn't Lilith the one to snap first.

“Ok! Enough with that.” The older woman says, ripping the gun from Ava’s hand. “You will end up shooting someone with how far away your head is.”

“Uh?” The slow blinks seem to only aggravate Mary even more.

“Seriously, Ava, what the hell?”

“Sorry, Mary.” The younger girl says sheepishly with a small grimace. “I’ve been a bit distracted.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” There is a annoyed huff, but at the lack of answer and the telling glazed look on Ava’s eyes, Mary just rolls her eyes, pushing the guns she had been teaching the girl to assemble to the side, and props her clasped hands on top of the table and leaning in the other girl’s direction. “Ok, shoot.”

“Uh? I thought we were building the guns today?” Ava frowns, eyes finally meeting Mary’s.

“It’s assembling the guns, not building them, doofus. I’m talking about what got you so distracted.”

“Oh… it’s just… I’ve been dreaming of being dead again…” Ava shrugs moving her eyes away from the other woman’s gaze.

“Wait… Again? When was the last time?”

Mary is frowning now, trying to figure out what was wrong. Ava’s usual distractions were easy to deal with, a few choice words and a sense of urgency were more than enough to get her back on track, but this one was different. She looked spent, eyes slightly sunken. She was also gloomy and fitful.

“Oh! I guess I never told anyone about that… Not that it had anything to do with all that was going on… I mean… maybe? Kind of, I guess, if you kinda think about it…”

“Ava.” Mary calls, grabbing the girl’s wild fidgeting hands and holding them against the table.

“I used to dream of being dead… and seeing myself from the outside. They would open the body bag and I would just be laid there… dead on a morgue table.” She shrugs again, this time her eyes locked on her hands.

“And when did you have these dreams?” Mary squeezes her hands trying to make the girl meet her eyes again.

It works… kind of. Ava looks into her eyes, but quickly moves them away again.

“Before… at the orphanage, I mean.”

“You had a lot of those dreams?”

“Kinda? I mean, it was always the same, and the only dreams I really remember having, I’m sure I dreamed of other things too but… I mean…” She pauses again, another shrug, her eyes wander and after a while focuses on Mary again. Fear shallowly hidden in them. “They got a lot more frequent the month before… before I died.”

“And you’ve been dreaming of being dead in the morgue again?” 

Mary had seen Ava in a lot of states before, but this one was a first. She looked really young and small. The closest to this had been when she depleted the Halo saving Beatrice from that satanic nun Crimson and couldn’t move for a few hot seconds.

“It’s different now…” She says after a weak head shake. “I’m on the ground, face down. My back is just shredded open… and empty. And I’m in a pool of my own blood and I’m… Alone.” 

The least bit is said directly into Mary’s eyes, and the older girl can see how much this has been affecting Ava. She wonders when this began and why she didn’t tell anyone until now. But that was not what mattered at the moment.

“And how frequently do you have this dream?”

“It’s been increasing…” Ava suddenly straightened herself pulling her hands from under Mary’s and into her laps. Her jaw tensing before she let a long sigh out. “I know it’s stupid…”

“It’s not, though… is it?” Mary interrupts, pulling her hands back to their previous position. 

“I don’t know…” The girl admits. “I’d like to think it doesn’t mean anything but…”

“Experience may say otherwise… I get you.” Mary sighs and lets the silence wash over them for a bit while she observes the girl and her unusual slumped appearance. It really wasn’t becoming of Ava all this gloominess. “Maybe you’re having prophetic dreams… maybe they’re some sort of warning… but believe me when I say that, there is no way you’d be alone… and there is no way we’d let this happen.” _I mean Lilith basically claimed the dibs on killing you…_ she thinks about joking, but ultimately decides against it. Maybe later when she is not so raw. It probably would get a laugh out of her under the right circumstances. “And we really should talk about this with the others. So we know what to expect. Just in case.”

“Just in case?” Ava scoffs weakly.

“Yeah… just in case this is not just your weirdness playing tricks on you.” And Mary is satisfied and this finally pulls a chuckle from the girl. “Now get back to this damn gun, it won’t reassemble by itself.”

**II.**

Ava had, honest to God, hopped for more than just a couple hours of respite before having this conversation again. Especially because it now also involved the other three Sisters plus a very stern faced Mother Superion. Ava had half mind to think this a prank from Mary. Making her look silly in front of the others or something like that.

 _But Mary wouldn’t do that, would she?_ Joke around, tease and even reprimand her? She totally would, sure. But purposely expose herself and her fear like that? That’s not something Mary would do. Yes… she wouldn’t.

_Would she?_

Ava is brought out of her head by a dry cough. Looking in the direction of the sound she is instantly met by the hard and intense gaze of the Mother Superion.

She swallows around her dry throat, starting a small coughing fit that quickly causes a roll of eyes from the older nun, the appearance of a cup of water, courtesy of Camila and the slow and comforting pat on her back by Beatrice.

She leans on the touch, accepts the water and chooses to ignore Mother Superion’s eye roll. 

“I’m assuming, since it was Mary that called for this meeting, that it actually has a point?” Mother Superion intones.

“Damn, love the confidence…” Ava reverts to her usual sarcastic behavior.

“Just get it over with, Ava.” Mary goads with a kick to the chair Ava was sitting at.

The girl stalls for a while nodding her head as if understanding and slowly sipping her water. Her eyes wander quickly from face to face, Mother Superion’s and Lilith’s the most annoyed of the bunch, the first with a raised eyebrow and the other with a frown that deepened by the second. Even sweet Camila was starting to bounce a little in her seat. But it was more due to her curiosity and impatience than anything else. Beatrice's quiet presence and comforting touch still holding.

Ava gives another big sigh and goes for another sip of water when Mary kicks her chair again, jolting her and making her spill some of the water on herself.

“Shit!”

“Language.” The others say reflexively in varying tones.

Except for Mary… who just nudges her chair again and gestures at the others with a head jerk at the exasperated look on Ava’s face.

“Ok… so...”

“For the Lord’s sake, stop stalling!” Startling everyone else, it’s Camila who loses it first.

“Yeah… sorry it’s just… hard and thinking about it now, it just feels stupid so…” Ava gets up, regretfully losing Beatrice’s calming touch.

“Ava has been having some dreams.” Mary announced putting her hands on Ava’s shoulder and forcing the girl down back on her seat. “Although we’re not sure… it's not unheard of that the Halo Bearer might experience some prophetic dreams or receive warning signs in their sleep.”

“Yeah… but it’s not the first time and the last one was before the Halo so…” Ava tries to argue and goes to get up again, but Mary keeps the pressure down, keeping her where she is. 

“And what…” The Mother Superion starts, interrupting the fight of will between Mary and Ava. “Exactly are these dreams about?”

A brief silence before Ava slumps in her chair again. “I die in them…” She mumbles pretty much against her own chest given her posture.

“I beg your pardon?” Beatrice finally says, much like the others, not having understood what Ava had said.

“I said…” Ava says more clearly, avoiding everyone’s eyes. “That I _die_ in them.”

“You’re killed in your dream?” This time is Lilith trying to make sense of it, her voice holding little patience.

“I said it was stupid…”

“Ava.” Mary interrupts her once again. “Just tell from the start. From before the Halo, just like you told me.”

So Ava does exactly that. She tells them about the dreams from when she was still in the orphanage. About how they usually went and how they became more and more frequent and detailed, until the dream… just turned to reality. And about this new dream. And how similar it felt, and how they were also becoming more frequent. She even told them how it usually took some time for her to be able to move again when she woke up from those dreams unless there was some sort of external interference.

By the time she finished the room had rearranged itself, Lilith was up and pacing by the window, Mother Superion, who previously stood by her table was sitting at her desk with a deep in thought expression. Camila had also stood up but instead of pacing like Lilith she was fidgeting in place and often stopping herself from biting at her own nails. Beatrice had straightened even more in her seat, hands clasped in her lap, knuckles white with tension. And Mary had propped herself against Mother Superion’s desk and a hard and concerned expression on her face.

“You didn’t tell me about the fact you couldn’t move when you woke up…” is her complaint.

“You didn’t tell me any of that was happening…” Could be barely heard coming from Beatrice.

She sounded almost… hurt.

“I didn’t tell anyone about it.” Ava justified herself turning to Beatrice and startling the Sister, who probably just became aware of having spoken out loud. “I didn’t think much of it, especially at first. I always just thought I was weird or messed up for dreaming of being dead. So now I just had a new version of it, I guess… And, like, about the ‘not moving’ as soon as I woke up… I just assumed it was like sleep paralysis or something.”

The silence stretches again over the room. The loudest sound was of Lilith’s pacing.

“And these dreams from before. You died exactly as it happened in it?” Mother Superion tries to clarify.

“So I may have worded it wrong.” She admits, shrinking at the annoyed look from the older nun. “I don’t see me dying in the dream. I’m already dead. Before the Halo the only difference between each dream was that I was always the same age in the dream as I was when awake. And when I was younger it was just me seeing myself, dead, from above and then waking up. I started to notice more things as I got older.” Ava frowned a bit trying to remember more. “They’d open the body bag, two people talking over me… couldn’t really make out what they talked about. A priest and a nun. They close my eyes so it’s all dark. Then silence, then a loud noise, but a bit far away. It was as if I was hearing things from under water, a lot seemed to be happening. Some more noise this time closer. And then it was, like… as if I was waking up both in the dream and in real life at the same time.”

The four Sisters share a look between themselves. They remembered how they had arrived with a bang. And there had been even more confusion when the mercenaries at their pursuit had found them. 

“So you already had a Gift… even before the Halo?” Camila stares at her wide eyed.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that…” Ava frowns feeling self conscious.

There was nothing special about her. Anything she has now, that she could do now, was because of the Halo and only because of the Halo. By herself she would just be a dead girl. And if not dead, she’d be just a quadriplegic orphan that was more endured than really cared about.

She recalled Sister Frances' words, how they rarely ever took her to the common rooms, how her world was almost limited to Diego, Sister Frances and the room she lived in. It was pretty much a miracle she even knew how to read, or even how to speak english and spanish.

“The impossible keeps happening to you and yet you struggle to believe. Incredible.” Lilith scoffs, but her voice held no malice.

“You truly are chosen.” It’s a small whisper, with awe adorning it like a prayer.

At Mary’s arched eyebrow Beatrice’s cheeks floods with a blush, just them noticing she may have spoken out loud.

“And in this new dream…” The Mother Superion brings them back to the matter at hand. “Other than the state you find yourself in, is there anything else that you recognize? Something that will make it easier for you and your Sisters to notice at the time?”

Ava frowns, thinking about the dream. It’s more silent than the first one. By the size of the pool of blood under her when the dream starts she assumes she had already been there for a while. Something tells her it’s not night even though sunlight doesn’t really reach where she finds herself, and that there is a light breeze even if she doesn’t notice anything moving to it. It’s like a back alley or the inside of a warehouse. There is some clutter around and it is dirty. _She_ is dirty. And even though the tear tracks in her face are already dry her shirt is still damp with her blood and the puddle under her is ever growing. She is at a corner and the walls closest to her is a wooden one, meeting another made of stone. She can’t really tell if the ground is actual dirt or just filthy.

And she is alone. No far away sound she can remember, no distinct voices she can recognize. No other bodies are around. The only signs of struggle are the unsettled dust in the air and the state of her body. 

“Then this is not a prophetic dream.” Beatrice says firmly, hands back on Ava’s shoulder, eyes set and serious. “It may be a forewarning, but there is no way it is prophetic, no matter how like reality the previous one was, because there is no way you’d be alone.” Her voice is unwavering. “I told you, you’d never be alone again. You have m-, us now.” Her hiccup was barely noticeable.

“You don’t know… maybe I was the one who ran away. All flight, no fight, wasn’t it?” Ava says unsure, feeling flushed by Beatrice’s intensity.

“Would you?” She keeps the intense gaze, challenging Ava to prove her wrong. “Would you leave us - any of us - to die and save yourself alone?”

“What!? No! Of course not. I…”

But Beatrice interrupts her, a determined and confident expression in her face. “So there is nothing to worry about. None of us are alone anymore.”

**III.**

It has not even been a week since the whole conversation about Ava’s dreams in Mother Superion’s office when she has the dream again. Maybe it’s because they had talked about it and she had been asked about details that she starts to notice more things.

For one, there are noises now, instead of the eerie silence. Some birds’ calls at the distance. Seagulls maybe? If she had to guess. The faint sound of waves hitting the shore and the creak of old wood. A distant bell. 

For two she can, for sure, say she is inside. A warehouse or maybe a boat shed. Some of the clutter about her is related to fishing. Like a large rumpled net, that probably had seen better days, hanged on the wall.

And then she is awake staring at the ceiling of her room, eyes absent and fixated, unable to move. 

She doesn’t know how long she stays like that when a face just appears above her, with a look that could be mistaken with annoyance at a quick glance, but that held worry deep down.

She startles and jostles, as if she had been electrocuted. The sudden movement makes the appearance before her jump back in surprise, and Ava still regaining control over her limbs bends her neck to look at her unexpected companion.

“Lilith?” Ava frowns letting her head fall back to her pillow, while she slowly starts to test out her movements.

Her limbs feel strangely prickly, as if they had just regained blood circulation.

“Did you just have one of your dreams?” Lilith asks, observing her in deep thought. 

At Ava’s affirmative her frown deepens. She closes on the bed again and offers the other girl her hand. Ava stares at it for a second, but dismisses it with a smile as thanks, before sitting up on her own and throwing her legs over the side of the bed. She opens and closes her hands a few times, feeling the blood hush to her extremities, forcing open her arteries and veins. It’s not the most pleasant sensation, but it’s better than not feeling anything.

“You opened your eyes so suddenly.” Lilith breaks the silence again. “And just kept staring at the ceiling for almost ten minutes. Didn’t seem like you were really awake or even here, honestly…”

“Really?”

She is a bit surprised about it. And also about the fact that Lilith seemed to have been watching her sleep for long enough to have seen her wake up.

“It was a bit freaky, actually.” Her face is serious and closed off, but it is an obvious attempt at a tease. 

“More freaky than you stalking me in my sleep, Edward?” Ava shots back.

It is also a joke, but she is also really curious about that.

To her surprise Lilith looks actually embarrassed by that. Her face suddenly opens and there is a faint blush. She looks much younger like that. There is an unsure smile in her face, much like the one she gave her when they talked for the first time again back at arq-Tech.

“I woke up, got myself ready for the day and then felt like.. This compulsion to be here.” At Ava’s arched eyebrow she just flushes more and closes her face, only this time looking more like a grumpy child than her usual annoyed, no nonsense mode. “It’s weird. I don’t understand it myself. Before I knew it I had just teleported here and not even two seconds later you woke up. I thought it was because of me appearing here, but you just kept looking up with a glazed look.”

“It _is_ weird.” Ava relents with a slow nod. “Man… we _really are_ a bunch of freaks.” She gasps in fake realization resting a hand against her chest.

Lilith rolls her eyes in exasperation, but there is a clear amusement in her demeanor. She may try to hide it, but Ava can see it all the same. She opts for not answering, instead just telling Ava to get ready for breakfast and training already, seeing as she got control over her body already. 

The older girl had just reached the door and is opening it when a sole knock and a startled gasp can be heard. They also startle and Lilith quickly yanks the door open looking almost ready to pounce. But it’s Beatrice on the other side. 

There is a deafening silence and long stares shared by the three of them. Until Beatrice clears her throat and shoulders the responsibility of being the one to break it.

“Am I… interrupting something?” She sounds slightly hesitant.

“Of course not!” Lilith bristles immediately. 

Maybe it was the surprise, but her reaction, blush and haste to leave the room really make it look like they’re hiding something. Which Beatrice obviously catches on to.

She stares at Lilith’s retracting form disappearing at the end of the corridor before turning to Ava again, who still sat at her bed and now looked like she just heard the most funny joke, but had to hide it from everyone else.

“So, do I or don’t I want to know what just happened?” Beatrice asks, choosing to enter the room and closing its door. 

“That depends…” And at Beatrice’s questioning arch of eyebrow, Ava’s grin just widens. “On if you’re the jealous type or not, of course.”

A blush quickly blossoms on the nun’s cheeks, coloring her skin on the prettiest of pinks, but a delicate and confused frown is just as quickly to paint her face.

“She teleported here… stalked me in my sleep then kept staring at me as I stared at the ceiling in turn.” At the other girl’s loss of words and almost unblinking eyes, Ava shrugs feeling a little apologetic. “It really isn’t as bad as it may sound. I’m reeeeally starting to believe she may not want to kill me anymore... But it’s kinda like me with the Halo? Sometimes you have like this inkling… or your powers just flare without you really noticing it.”

There is a pause once again, Beatrice seems uncertain, which is a really odd look on her, so is the brief hesitation before she makes up her mind and moves to sit besides Ava, but closer to the foot of the bed. She slowly turns her body so she is better facing the other girl.

Ava is somewhat relaxed, Beatrice can notice, there is still a leftover shine in her eyes from her earlier joke, but her demeanor is more serious now. She is not exactly hunched, but her posture is less than perfect. There is no apparent perspiration and her breathing is not labored. Yet Beatrice can notice the subtle clenching and unclenching of her fingers and toes.

“Which one it was then?” The nun asks, causing Ava to jerk her head in her direction. Almost as if she hadn’t noticed Beatrice’s proximity.

But Ava surely noticed her approaching and sitting with her… Surely it wasn’t a surprise at all. Right?

“Was it the inkling or a flare of her power?” Beatrice clarifies when she receives no answer.

“Both I think?” Ava hums in thought before giving a one shoulder shrug. “I mean… I had the dream again… OH!”

“Oh?” Beatrice is surprised by the sudden volume.

“Yeah! I noticed more things this time!” There is a certain pride in the smile Ava sports now. A certain self satisfaction. “Maybe the fact that I consciously want to discover more lets me be more aware in the dream!”

“That’s wonderful Ava!” Beatrice gives her own version of a prideful smile, and then she schools her expression once again. “Not that you’re having this kind of dreams… But that we can actually have more clues now.” She clarifies, before unconsciously patting on Ava’s hand and getting up. “I came to call you because Mother Superion asked for your presence after breakfast. Should I save you a place while you ready yourself?”

“Sure! I’ll be there soon. If the others will be there I’ll tell you what more I discovered.” 

And with one last contained smile Beatrice leaves the room quietly closing the door behind her. Ava stares at the door for a second. The hand Beatrice had patted felt a little tingly, a sensation that had nothing to do with her limbs regained circulation, and probably everything to do with her heart's palpitations.

“Really!? Depends on if you’re the jealous type or not?” She mocks, chastising herself. She throws her body on the bed again and buries her face in her pillow before giving a scream into it. “What the fuck, Ava?”

**IV.**

Breakfast is a quick affair. It wouldn’t do well to make Mother Superion wait. Or Lilith for that matter, given that her first training session of the day was with the other girl. She had been warned of the meeting, of course, but Ava would rather keep it safe. So she quickly makes her way there.

She has the decency to knock, but doesn’t wait for an answer and enters the office, with a greeting in the mouth already. What she witnesses upon entering, however, makes her pause a little. Mother Superion’s usually tidy desk is piled in folders and dossier looking documents. The woman herself had one in her hands and seemed to be reading it when her attention is stolen by Ava.

“Ava, good. I have some things here for you to look over.” She motions for Ava to approach, and indicates one of the guest chairs. 

_That’s fucking a lot to read…_ Ava grimaces at the amount of documents and stares at the impassive older woman with a picture perfect puppy eyes.

Ava’s countenance only serves to make the older woman give off an eye roll. “Don’t worry I mostly want you to look at the pictures…” She reassures extending to the other girl the folder she has in her hands.

The first page is an identification form. There is a name, age, role the person has within the OCS and an annotation of how long the person has been on the Order.

“These are reports of injury… Mostly.” The Mother Superion explains “There are pictures of the injuries and the weapons and whatever else that may have caused them are also noted. You said in your dream your back was gravely damaged. Maybe we can identify what could have been used using these pictures.”

“These are not Halo Bearers…” She notices pointing out to the one in her hand and the other two already open at the table.

“Yes, the Warrior Nun is a quick heal, unless Divinium is involved. There are some reports here on Halo Bearers, but… they’re mostly post mortem.” She shows a brief and pained smile at that. “There are also older ones, but are either hand drawn or the pictures are a bit too old and not very… clear.”

Ava nods quietly and starts to look at the pictures. She shouldn’t be surprised, but totally is when she finds reports on Beatrice, Lilith and even Mary. There are shot wounds, puncture wounds, cuts, bruises and even broken bones. 

She may have spent a little too long in a picture of Beatrice’s midsection sporting a very long cut, from close to her bellybutton to her side just at the end of her ribcage. Caused by a sword the report says. _Uh?_ There is also a description of the blade and also a picture of Beatrice with a split lip. Apparently it was a report of one of her first missions.

When Ava notices the older nun’s questioning gaze she is quick to clear her throat in a very obvious attempt at nonchalance and move onto the next one. She goes through a dozen of them. Not only from missions, she notices, but from training too. She is already there for almost half an hour and starting to get slightly frustrated when she finds… well something.

The first thing that catches her attention is the date. The date she died. It doesn’t take a genius to assume which mission this report is on. There is a section for each of them. For each of the members of her current team, her friends, her family… and for Shannon. She assumes the pictures were taken later on by the Priest responsible for the morgue. At least most of them seem like it, until the later ones.

The last ones seem less professional. And through the annotations Ava is made aware of why. The gashes and cuts were made post mortem. Shannon’s back ripped open as if a beast had clawed and dug into it, looking for something.

“Like this… kind of.” Ava’s hands are shaking as she hands Mother Superion the picture.

“Kind of?” She tries to clarify.

“Kind of as in… if not exactly that, it was made to look as if it was that.” The younger warrior quickly puts the report back on the desk and gets up, full of anxious energy. The word Tarask on the report had left something akin to an after image in her vision. 

“It can mean two things.” Mother Superion's voice is hard, but not unkind. It hadn’t been unkind in a while Ava notes. “It’s either the Tarask, or someone else trying to make a point. We should prepare for any possibility at this point. I’ll inform both Lilith and Beatrice to incorporate this new possibility into your training.” Ava nods at that, not feeling too well to actually speak. “If you do notice something more that can help us and _you_ … inform your sisters and me.”

“OH! Yeah! I kinda did, actually.” It’s almost as if a light had turned on in Ava’s mind. “It’s near water? And fishing spots… I heard seagulls I think... and there was also a bell and the sound of waves. I was inside… a boat-house, I think? I’m not so sure.”

“This was in your last dream?”

“Yeah! The first since I told you about them.” Ava tries to act indifferent. “I tried to notice more things… I think it worked? Somewhat at least.”

The Mother Superion nods her head contemplatively. It’s good they have more information but it’s been less than a week since the last one. Maybe they wouldn’t have as much time as they hoped before they’re made to confront the possibility of all this being real.

**V.**

Lilith was waiting for Ava right in front of Mother Superion’s office door. She has a frown and is leaning against the wall with arms crossed and a leg propped up.

“You look like every cliche bully in a teen movie.” Ava laughs while the sister rearranges herself with an eye roll. “I thought you’d be training.”

“I was.” She is deadpan, but then relaxes a bit and indicates for them to go before moving without waiting for an answer. “But you were taking too long and I came to wait for you lest you try to run from training.” 

There is a little sardonic smirk on Lilith’s lips as she provokes Ava. The Halo Bearer is surprisingly unaffected, however, a somewhat pensive expression in her face. “Took longer than I thought too. But I had to look through a bunch of things.” And Lilith looks at her with barely hidden curiosity. “Some reports of injury or something, to narrow down what might have caused the wounds on my back in the dream.”

“And you found something…” It is not a question.

Ava pauses in her way, they’re very close to the training grounds at this point. She can hear the hollow sounds of bodies hitting the mat, the grunts and calls as the Sisters practiced their forms. Although she usually was left alone with whoever she was training at the time, long was the time she was kept in complete isolation of the other Sisters. They knew her better now, they saw her training and they even trained together on occasion. She wasn’t limited to her core team anymore and it showed a positive progress, as the other Sisters didn’t reject or avoid her anymore. 

“I did.” Ava notes that Lilith automatically stopped when she did. Previously the other nun would probably have kept walking, not having noticed or not caring enough about the other’s behavior, but now she noticed and she stopped and didn’t berate her. She just waited until Ava was ready to speak. It was a behavior more in line with Beatrice, but not unbecoming of Lilith. “It kind of looks like the one on Shannon’s back.”

Lilith gives a labored inhale, fists clenching at her sides. “From the Tarask?” She unnecessarily asks.

“Yeah… it was the closest one I found, but at the same time it looked like it was made to look like that? I’m not too sure. Mother suspects that if not the Tarask it’s probably some sort of message.” Ava recounts not looking at Lilith’s eyes. And then she remembers something. “Oh, yeah… She said she would ask you and Beatrice to incorporate the possibility of having to fight against the Tarask in my training.”

“It’s a wise decision.” The girl looks thoughtful, narrowing her eyes in the direction of the training grounds, probably visualizing what could be done in that regard. “I’ll talk to Sister Beatrice, she will probably have a better plan, until then… we will try some new things.”

“You’re totally going to kick my ass aren't you?” Ava snorts following the sister that had already started to walk again. 

“Language, Ava. This is a house of worship.” Is the only answer Lilith dignifies to give.

By then, most of the Sisters were reaching the mid to final time of their allotted morning training. Soon their other duties would start, some in caring for their gardens and flower beds, others in washing and drying their clothes. Lunch was also beginning to be made. 

Camila and Mary were still trying to make sense of their armory since the Reject Nuns had made a mess of their records. Bullets, bolts and weapons… Most unaccounted for. For the last three to four months since The Vatican’s explosion and Duretti’s rise as Pope, they have been sending almost weekly reports and complaints about missing gear due to poor or complete disregard to bookkeeping from his followers back when he tried to take active control over the OCS.

Around month two, after a disaster of a mission led by the remaining of his followers still related to the OCS and the seventh letter, a missive giving them better funding and a retraction of the final hold Duretti had over the Order was achieved. Camila still sent reports detailing and numbering the amount of Divinium tipped bolts and bullets still missing, together with reminders of the rarity of the metal and how dangerous and unwise it was to not keep account of them, specially with Adriel at large with a former oversee of the OCS as a servant and follower. She did it probably more out of pure spite than anything else. 

Mother Superion had said that there was no need to keep such regular and detailed reports to Duretti any longer, but did little to discourage Camila. Beatrice would frown in borderline disapproval when she caught Camila writing and sending her reports, but also refrained from commenting. And Mary was very proud of her Sister. The best part in her opinion was that Camila, true to her form, was always very polite and kind in her wording, never really placing fault in anyone. The end result most often made it seem that Duretti had simply been naive, easily beguiled, self serving and too enthusiastic to reach his own goals without ever actually saying the words.

Ava and Lilith were still trading blows even when the others had left already. With Beatrice she usually practiced her forms, with Lilith… her training usually delved directly into combat. She knows that at first it wasn't much about teaching. Lilith wanted to show superiority, wanted to make Ava know how inadequate she was. It was different now. She’d pause before any major hit, she’d fix her posture and make them repeat moves when she saw room for improvement. But it was always a fight between them, practice always ending with quickly fading bruises. Ava more than Lilith.

And Ava may have been hitting the other girl with increased frequency now, but she still ended practice face first against the mat more often than not. Much like now, with Lilith over her, having locked her arm on her back.

“You really need to get better at breaking out of holds…” Lilith says seriously before letting go of Ava and moving to kneel beside the girl, instead of over her.

Ava unceremoniously rolls to her side, remaining on the ground, but now facing the other girl instead of the mat.

“You know… I saw pictures of you and the others too…” Ava starts, her face promising nothing good. 

“On the injury reports?” Lilith tries to place the conversation, face wary of what was to come.

“Yeah… there was this one of you, and it was from a training session, not even a mission! With this _huge_ shiner!” Ava snorts, body shaking with her contained laughter, while she flops away, letting her back hit the mat and staring up rather than at Lilith. “It took over almost half of your face!” 

Had she been looking at Lilith she would have noticed the frown appearing in her friend’s face and the stiffening of her shoulders.

“It kinda made me feel good, you know?” Ava continued to face up, missing the hardening of Lilith’s posture, the irritation covering up the hurt, the tremble of her clenched fists on top of her knees... And Ava just kept speaking. “Not because I liked to see you hurt or anything, mind you… But, like, If someone as amazing as you also used to fuck up, then maybe there still hope for me, you know?”

She finally looks in the other girl's direction, turning her head fast enough that she catches the trail end of a trembling breath. She starts to frown a little worried, but is quickly dismissed by a fast recomposing Lilith. This time it is the Sister that avoids eye contact.

“Firstly, language… and, well, I also began somewhere.” The Sister licks her own lips and gets up to start to ready herself to leave, not really comfortable with showing her emotions. “And… you’re actually a surprisingly fast learner.”

“Really?” Ava sits up, surprised by the compliment and with a grin on her face.

“You’re just equally undisciplined…” Lilith deadpans, sensing Ava’s smugness starting to rear its head. “Speaking of… did you get to see the one from when Beatrice hurt her thigh?”

The mischievous glint in Lilith’s eyes goes completely over Ava’s head.

“Wait… What? There is a picture of Bea’s thigh?” Ava asks, scrambling to her feet, while the other girl is already leaving the training grounds. “Lilith!? There is?” _Wait, is it bad I wanted to see that picture?_

“Upper thigh… well, it happens you know.” The tease is more obvious now in Lilith’s tone, as she turns to exit, but not before throwing one final provocation. “Do not forget to clean up. Last to leave takes the responsibility.”

“Lilith!” Ava cries out in complaint, but by then the Sister was already a few halls over, having teleported away, laughing freely at the other girl’s predicament.


	2. Book of Missions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really thankful for you guys. Your comments really invigorated me. It was a harsh couple weeks. getting things back to normal now.
> 
> so teresa was a character by a author and she became kinda like a inside joke, uh? i've seen people use teresa as beatrice's birth name, as a rival as a lot of things. sometimes fandom had this collective conscious type of things... i thought teresa was something like that already =P
> 
> btw my particular headcannon is that only Shannon and Mary (she isn't a nun so that obvious) kept their birth name. Usually when Nun make their vows they take new names, much like popes do. I also only have a headcannon birth name for Lilith which i haven't mentioned in anywhere in the fic yet, but who knows maybe i'll so i'll stay quiet about it for now.
> 
> OH yeah in this book you will met the OC Nun character that ALMOST got called teresa lol

_ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. _

**_James 2:17_ **

* * *

**I.**

When Mary first started to teach Ava how to shoot she broke her wrist, dislocated her shoulder and burned her hands. All that just on the first lesson. And that’s only the damage she did to herself. She also stuck a Glock and broke one of the shotguns in half trying to open it so she could reload. And sure, the Halo strength had come into play on that last one, but it still was an impressive, even if bothersome, feat in Mary’s opinion. She was just glad it wasn’t one of hers. 

And Mary knew many movies were very careless when it came to gun safety, going more for aesthetics than anything else, and that almost 90% of Ava’s previous education came from what she could see on the TV, but even she thought that all that was a bit too much for just the first day. 

It was always a constant exercise to try and remember that, although Ava was very spirited, and boasted a bunch of random facts and seemed to know a lot about very niche and obscure subjects, she had had close to nothing when it came to formal education in the last twelve years. Formal education  _ and _ real life experience.

She was like a baby filly. 

When Mary thought about that it was actually really impressive that she knew how to read, and hold a pen well enough to scratch something that passed for writing. The girl also spoke two languages, no matter how little that was in the OCS spectrum, and she really wasn’t as ignorant as one could be.

Mary is sure that if she had been dealt a better hand in life she would have been quite accomplished in her own right. Sometimes she wonders how much of a different person Ava would have been. Would she still cut with her words and hide behind humor and silly quips? Ava may be 19, but she was also that 7 years old girl finally being able to grow and discover herself. All at once and all awhile she had to fight demons, hunt down a fallen angel or whatever Adriel may be, and actually train and learn how to do all those things.

So Mary goes back to the beginning. She teaches Ava to correctly load a gun.  _ All _ types of guns. From assault rifles to pistols. She’d let the crossbows to Camila if she ever felt inclined to do so. She teaches how to lock and unlock the safety of a gun. How to hold it and how to position it so she is not hurt or affected by the recoil.

“How come you can shoot your shotgun one handed, but when I tried I broke my wrist?” Ava asks when Mary is showing her how to correctly hold said weapon.

“For starters my shotguns are modified. Custom work. They have a little less potency and are a bit smaller than most exactly so I can hold them in one hand.” Mary is kind enough to compare her own gun to the one Ava was holding at the moment. “It still has a hell of a recoil for an untrained person. I also do a lot of strength training so I can keep a steady aim. That’s also why I’ve been making you do drills and weight lifting when we’re not working with the guns. The Halo does a lot for you, but it’s better if you build strength and endurance without having to rely on it.”

“It will leave more energy for when I really need to use it.” Ava could understand at least this much.

She still complained when she was doing most of her reps. She seemed to like to run and stuff, however, so endurance training wasn’t a problem. 

Mary long had suspected that the reason Ava often was left motionless, but still feeling her body when the Halo was depleted, was solely because she had no core strength. Her body had been unmoving for twelve years, it was a miracle in itself that she hadn’t atrophied anything, given how she had told them how the nuns at the orphanage never did any type of physical therapy with her.

In retrospect it was probably the Halo’s doing. It fixed death. Fixing Ava’s muscles shouldn’t have been that difficult in comparison. Ava just needed to relearn to use them without the Halo as a crutch. 

But Ava was a quick study. She quickly started to do things instinctively. Readying a gun and positioning herself in one fluid movement. She still was a bit of an awful shot however.

But they were getting there. Mary would make sure of that.

Still… more shots went out of the targets than in. She had a terrible spatial notion and was still getting used to the recoil. She didn’t do so bad with more modern pistols. That is, when she wasn’t trying to go full Hollywood with them.

“How do they actually shoot with two guns at the same time.” Ava had complained after having missed absolutely all of her shots. It was quite impressive actually…

“They don’t. It’s just for looks. I mean sure, maybe you will hit a shot or two. But it’s really hard to keep a steady aim and calculate the trajectory of both weapons, especially if you’re going for more than one target.” Mary liked to let Ava try her silly ideas sometimes. It gave the girl experience instead of only demanding that she believed in everything at face value. All that in a safe and controlled environment. It also made her listen when Mary said a definitive no to something with very little complaint.

“But you have two shotguns! And I've seen you yielding them both at the same time.” Ava points out frustrated, reloading only one of the pistols and shooting again, posture perfect, this time actually hitting her target. And really well even. Of the twelve bullets in the magazine only four went a little off center.

“I mostly use one at a time and hardly go for more than one target when I use both. Besides, shotguns are spread weapons and of mid to close range. I still shoot better with my main hand, though.”

Ava easily accepted the explanation and went for another round. She really was getting better. Maybe when the next mission rolled around she’d be able to carry her own gun. 

**II.**

Camila liked to do research, and to keep things organized. Didn’t matter how impatient she could get, if she busied her mind she could sit still doing only one thing for long hours. For that she didn’t mind her duty at the armory. Her near eidetic memory also helped her keep track of things. The reports she kept sending to the Vatican were a great stress relief.

Of the team who usually worked close with the Halo Bearer she was the youngest one and the last to join. Actually, now that would be Ava, but that’s besides the point. She didn’t have much time to experience the group’s dynamics from before Sister Shannon being the Warrior Nun. Back then she had just arrived at Cat’s Cradle.

She didn’t have any experience with combat or any real weapons when she joined the OCS, she also was still a novitiate. But she had experience with computers… and alarms, breaching security systems, hot-wire a car and hacking. On the first Abbey she had resided at she had always felt apart from her fellow Sisters and the other novitiates. They didn’t understand her and the best thing that she learned there was how to play the piano.

It was one of the older Sisters in that Abbey that introduced her to the OCS and put her in the line of sight of Mother Superion. In the OCS no one questioned how or why she knew to do the things she did.

Rather, they appreciated it. And gave her space to better herself.

It was only then that she took her vows. God had given her those talents so she could finally be guided to her family. It didn’t matter what came before, for now she was Camila, a Sister Warrior of the OCS. 

She saw some of herself in Ava. The feeling of displacement, how easy it was to get anxious with something, the need to be doing something. But there were many differences too. Which was just as wonderful. Camila doesn’t think she would make a really good Halo Bearer. No matter how faithful, loyal or competent she was. She thinks she fits better in a more supporting role. Which  _ is _ just as wonderful. 

She’d seen the growth of Ava. From the girl who ran away from them to the one who came back, who put herself in the way to help her Sisters, who faced her fears, who was able to forgive and called them a family. She could see how grown the Ava who wanted to end this cycle of dying Warrior Nuns was.

Camila had been to one to suggest that they should educate Ava academically. The girl had frowned in disgust at the suggestion, but she never missed a lesson. And Camila knew she had run from Lilith and Mary more than once. 

The thing Ava complained the most about, but never tried to get away from was writing. Her penmanship was awful, it was as if a chicken had taken hold of a pen. The scribbles of a 6 years old would have more precision than hers, and she absolutely couldn’t do cursive. That was then, though. Ava had shown amazing improvement. She also would do all her calculations from her mathematics exercises in her head. Camila supposes it makes sense she wouldn’t instinctively write down her thought process nor count on her fingers given that for most of her lives she didn’t have the use of her hands.

However, since Ava had confessed to them of her dreams their lessons together had been about trying to locate where exactly it happened.

“I’ve got NEWS!” Ava had boldly announced entering the otherwise quiet library. The Sisters there had long ago given up in shushing her. It never stopped the girl’s sudden surge of noise even though she was usually quiet in between them. 

“Oh, really? Good ones?” Camilla smiled at her. All books and maps and notes they had made on the last few days already piled up in front of her.

“Oh yeah…” She mumbles looking over all the things that sat on the table and rearranging them much to Camila’s horror. “We can get all this here…” And she pointed to the mess she had made of most of her things. “And simply ignore them, because apparently, we’re looking for somewhere near water.” And she unceremoniously pushed the messy pile away.

She was glad they had more to go on now, but she was still sad by the mess Ava had made of her work. They had been so well organized, now…  _ Oh, that paper is getting all wrinkled. _

She must have said something, or maybe her face had been that expressive, because Ava looks at her and the discarded pile before quietly organizing and rearranging it in a more orderly fashion.

“Sorry… I was just trying to go for the drama.” She said sheepishly and finally sat next to Camila. 

“It’s ok. It’s better now. Thank you, Ava.” Camila reassured with a pat at the other girl’s shoulder. “You just caught me by surprise.” She pulled the tablet resting on the table towards them. “So near water… Like a lake? Or river…”

“Big enough for fishing boats. I heard waves and birds. Not so sure if it’s the sea or not though. There was a bell too, but I can’t say if it was from a boat or a church. I was in a boat house. There was some fishing net hanging on the wall.” Ava tries to recall as much of the dream as possible, as unsettling as it could be. The fact she had the others to help her and give support all awhile trying to help her figure it out, definitely helped. “I think that's pretty much it. Sorry if it’s not much help.” 

“That… actually narrows down a lot in comparison.” Camila smiles sweetly. “Anything else? Sorry, I bet asking you to revisit all that isn't the most pleasant…”

“Yeah… Well, that fact that it’s so we can find a way to stop it and that I have you guys here with me and actually believing in me and taking me seriously really helps.” Ava shrugs trying to make light of the conversation.

Camila saw through all that forced bravado and felt her pain deep in her core. She may believe that Ava becoming the Halo Bearer was the will of God. That she had been chosen. But that didn’t stop her from wishing that she didn’t have to go through all that pain. She didn’t know what kind of Nuns Ava had been raised by, but she was sure that whoever treated Ava as she had been in those twelve years, was no true follower of God.

“Of course we’d believe in you, Ava. You’re our Sister. Vows or no vows.” Is what she settles on.

**III.**

There have been some missions since they got back to Cat’s Cradle. No sign of Adriel or Vincent yet. But there have been some missions… Cases of mass possession, disturbances in heavy catholic districts. People seemingly changing personalities from a day to another. 

At first there were still some Nuns under Duretti’s command. Since they were somewhat apart from the OCS, they weren’t residing in Cat’s Cradle any longer. Not since the Vatican. Mother Superion may have accepted the cease fire, but wasn’t that thrusting of them near the Halo Bearer, not in such close quarters.

That had been her choice of words. 

Not that Duretti had that many under his thumb to begin with. And with their ring leader, Sister Crimson, dead they had been rather weak willed for the most part. They hadn’t worked directly together with the Sister Warriors, but their missions had been coordinated. Most of them ended in near disasters. 

Duretti’s Nuns had little to no care for the possessed, usually resulting in more death than necessary. There was no team spirit between them, they easily broke formation compromising one another and there had been more than one desertion in the middle of a mission. It became pretty clear that no matter how combat ready they may have been, they had not the mentality needed for the Job.

And those who needed their help and reached to the church for their salvation had seen the clear difference between the two groups and let their dissatisfaction be known. In the end it had been Duretti’s tender ego that permitted them to have the agency they now had.

Ava usually stuck close to her five person team. But most of the missions required others to join them. Maybe that was when they really began to warm up to her. Their deed in the Vatican had been the hot topic when they had gone back. Sisters surrounded Beatrice and the others, but Mary and mostly Ava had been left in the periphery of their minds.

Until that first mission. 

Some of Duretti’s Nuns had breached protocol and broken formation, leaving a larger crowd with Ava and the other OCS Sisters. One of the newest recruits had been swamped by one too many and Ava being the closest to her had moved to help. Everything had been going fine until she had seen from the corner of her eye one of the possessed running towards the already overwhelmed Sister, with a broken billiard cue like a jouster holding it’s lance. Ava instinctively stepped in the way ready to parry him away. 

And it would have worked if she hadn't miscalculated it’s reach. Her lack of spatial notion, really showing itself at the worst time possible. The cue had easily gone through her, but spared the sister of the injury.

Maybe it had been her fear of death, or really a just strong reaction to her feelings of embarrassment due to the stupid mistake. A short, but powerful shockwave irradiated from her throwing back the closest possessed by a few feet. Some go unconscious immediately. And the remaining ones show clear signs of wearing down. She unceremoniously pulls the cue from herself, some of her blood making an arch in the air before splashing on the ground or on the few remaining bodies still standing. With a ferocious growl she quickly moves on them, beating the demons out of their bodies with the broken cue as her new weapon, almost forgetting about the sword still clutched in her other hand. And the Sister she had moved to help had been right there, spared from the blast and back to back with her, covering her blind spots.

It had been an exhilarating dance. Ava was finally feeling that maybe she has a knack for this. And then as soon as the battle winds down... she passes out, face first into a puddle.

Sister Inez, the girl she had helped, hadn’t been fast enough to stop her from falling, but had reacted at least fast enough that she didn’t risk drowning in it.

She likes to not think too much about that puddle, unsure to this day of its origin. 

So it’s not surprising that they are called for another mission. But with her dream, just the previous night, and this foreboding feeling over her head she can’t help but feel anxious.

**IV.**

They’re sent as a team of ten. The local church was the one to reach out for them. It had started with the death of a child. Not accepting the breakup, a father had taken the life of his own child as punishment to the mother. But the demon was not him… No. The mother in her grief had gone mad with rage. And the wraiths took this as an opportunity.

That was the local priest’s theory, at least. Now, many showed what he had called  _ the signs _ .

The murderer had been dragged from his prison cell and killed in the streets as if torn by wolves. No one saw it, just the aftermath. A woman alone would never be able to do that. That was what the priest had said.

“He clearly never saw a woman truly mad…” Ava scoffed.

“It’s a small village. Known for traditionalism.” Beatrice reasons. “That’s usually an euphemism for misogynist behaviors.” 

All the possessed are women, they've gone mad and started to attack their husbands, their fathers, their brothers… Those were also the words of the priest.

They had locked the women they were able to capture and catch in the church, kept them isolated and separated from one another. Their only visitor, the priest. And the only words directed to them, his prayers.

“We don’t really know what we’re going to find there. Our number is cautionary.” Mary debriefed the group. “Those things… are never as simple as one may like to think. We need to access what’s really happening. Even those not possessed can pose a risk. Their skin is very thin right now.”

“Ava, you’re to identify who is really possessed among them.” Beatrice instructed, and smiled when she got a firm nod as an answer.

“We may as well be walking into a staged witch hunt.” One of the more experienced Sisters said.

“Yes. And, even though there might be innocents among the accused, their resentment can be a great danger.” Lilith added not really looking at anyone. 

“This place will never be the same, will it?” Ava asks, looking out of the window on the van. Pastures and cultivated land painting the scenery. They were in a mountain range. Far away from any body of water large enough to hold fishing boats. That made her just a little less anxious.

When no one answered she closed her eyes and let the sway of the car lull her into sleep.

The next time she opened her eyes they were already there. She is shaken awake by Camila, her sing-song voice saying they finally arrived and that Beatrice and the others had already gone to get their rooms. They’d stay at the local Inn. It was a bit away from the main street, almost halfway into the countryside where the local farms were located. That would give them a bit of space to retreat if needed and if the village’s church was compromised. 

She is the last one to leave the van. She was carrying her duffle bag as if it was a backpack, her sword between it and her back. She sees Beatrice and Mary leaving the building they parked in front of. It was a quaint place. A well kept lawn and flower beds adorned it’s entrance and it was only two-story tall.

“I got us three rooms. One for four people and the two others can house three. Lets just organize ourselves and we can scout the village.” She instructs them in her usual calm way. 

The Sisters quickly look at each other. It’s not a problem to share, but many in the OCS had come to see Ava and her closest friends as a unity. And they were five. They seemed unsure to volunteer an arrangement until a voice rang out.

“I can share with Ava.” It was Sister Inez. Not only had she been the first connection Ava formed outside of her group, but she also seemed to have grown to greatly admire the other girl. 

Her voice seems to bring a bit of silence among them, but Mary is quick to break it. “Ok, and me, Camila and Lilith will share the other three bed’s room. You four stay in the other room and we have it all figured out, right?” She says pointing to the other four, leaving Beatrice to share with Ava and Inez. There is a chorus of ‘Yes’ and two keys are easily plucked from a very distracted Sister Beatrice’s hand.

But Ava saw none of that. She barely reacted to the role conversation. The sound of their voices at the background of her mind while she stared at the direction of the village. They weren’t that far away from it. Just enough to make it look a little separated from where the Inn was.

“What is it, Ava?” Beatrice asks, approaching her and lightly placing her hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

Without even acknowledging Beatrice’s touch, Ava mumbles, almost as if just to herself, but loud enough that all of them heard. “The sky… above the village. It’s all red.”

They all look there at the same time. And they all see the same thing. A seemingly peaceful village and a vast blue sky, hardly a cloud on sight.

“The situation… may be a little more complicated than we expected.” Camilla helpfully states the obvious.

“We go in and gear up and move on.” Lilith instructs.

“We meet in the larger room before leaving. We need at least a semblance of a plan.” Beatrice adds, carefully coaxing Ava, who still had her eyes locked in the direction of the village, to follow. 

What comes next is almost gruesome, where men were as terrifying as possessed. There was mistrust among the local population. Ava noted that although some were never possessed the wraiths coiled down around them whispering falsehoods into their minds.

And no matter if they exorcized someone of their demon the heavy cloud of wraiths still weighed heavily on top of them. And the priest looked almost crazed and was without a trace of red in him.

“I sent word to the Vatican to send me exorcists priests! Not a bunch of little girls playing at something and that has the nerve to tell me that I’m seeing things!” he had raged when Ava had pointed out that most of the women he had locked into the church were not really possessed. 

“Actually exorcist priests only deal with one on one cases. Never something of this scale.” Mary deadpans, unimpressed by his outburst.

“Our order specializes specifically in cases such as this. It would do well for you to leave us to our work and stop getting in our way.” Lilith almost growled at him, hands clenched in an attempt to hide her claws.

“Or what, Sister?” He spat the title as he tried to step into Lilith’s personal space, but was stopped by a blade brightly shining in blue at the height of his chest. 

“Or you will be considered a liability.” Ava said with a seriousness she rarely manifests. 

Maybe it had been the sword, or maybe it had been the ethereal glow that shined from her, making her stand out with her divine light, but he stepped back and he let them free the women. 

“ _ ‘Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.’ _ , Father.” Said one of the women as they guided her outside. “This is the time of testing, Father, and you were the first of us to forget the words of the Lord.”

It was not an easy mission. The emotional toll greater than the physical one for the Sisters. They needed to make the Wraiths descend, making them come into their reach. On their last stand many of the still unbounded demons finally possessed someone. The women they had gotten out of their imprisonment at the church, other residents and even children alike. By then their numbers had thinned out already with the sisters having steadily lessening their numbers. But it was the last hour that was the worst one.

How do you exorcise children? How could they expect Ava to beat them into submission given the aggressiveness of those possessing them? Seeing their small bodies writing and trembling, their eyes black and devoid of anything other than hatred and rage…

Surrounded by enemies, with their sister fighting bravely around her, Ava fell to her knees and wept. Grief taking hold of her soul. She suffered for them. And she shone for them. She let the Light of the Halo take over her being and shine pass her skin. With a yell and a silent prayer to a God she still wasn’t sure if she believed or not, she spreaded the Light. It was as if she had brought a piece of the sun to the ground and for a second there was no shadow and everything was white and divine.

When the Light finally receded, back inside its host, there was no trace of red smoke anymore, no black in the eyes of innocents. There were just humans. And the Halo Bearer still knelt down in the middle of a plaza, face turned to the heavens as a light rain began to fall hiding her tears among its drops. 

**V.**

It was the first time she used so much of the Halo power and didn’t pass out. Beatrice was soon besides her, kneeling before her with worry plain in her face. She cradles Ava’s cheeks and quietly and slowly draws the girl’s eyes into hers. It’s a look full of worry and love, if Ava ever dared to hope. It’s sweet and caring and she lets the Halo bearer slowly come back into herself. Her attention finally grounded.

“You did well, dearest…” She whispers almost inaudibly, unconsciously letting out the term of endearment. “You did good.” 

“Are you ok there, Badass?” Mary approaches, a small limp in her gait.

“How are the children?” She turns to face the older girl, and instinctively holds Beatrice’s hands when she feels them trying to slip away.

“You did the most epic and child friendly exorcism ever, baby girl. The worst they may get from all this is a slight photosensitivity.” She tries to alleviate the worry and fear still present in Ava’s eyes, and trying to not smile at the way she still held Beatrice's hands against her face, slightly puffing her own cheeks. “If you don’t believe me you just need to look around.”

And when Mary moved aside, widening Ava's world, light shone from between the rain clouds, forming a rainbow above the village and making the puddles formed in the ground shimmer. And beyond all that visual storytelling, children were embraced by their parents, families were getting back together and people were helping one another.

“It seems so perfect it almost looks fake.” Ava mutters, finally lowering down her and Beatrice’s hand. And leaning forward resting her forehead against the hollow of Beatrice’s neck. 

Their retreat to the Inn is slow, like a silent procession amid reuniting families. It took them three days to finish this mission, their previous retreats to their rooms had been sporadic and in small groups with someone always keeping watch. Now they went back together.

Ava slightly leaned against Sister Beatrice while they moved, next to them others did the same, counting with their sisters for support. 

Sister Inez, who shared the room with them, had a gash in her brow, but the blood running down from it like tears had already dried out and no more was coming out of the wound for now. She was also holding onto her ribs and her breathing sometimes came with sharp intakes. 

“You sure you're good to walk, Ava?” Mary had asked ready to move and assist Beatrice, even though she herself had her movement a little impaired.

“Yeah, my legs just feel a bit like soggy noodles.” She shrugged. “It’s better than that time at Cat’s Cradle.”

In the Inn the group divides themselves, each going to their respectives rooms. The plan was to rest and leave in the morning just after dawn. Ava’s room had a double bed and a single. On the first day Beatrice had hurriedly announced she’d take the single one, posture slightly stiff.

Now she kinda regretted that decision. 

They take turns cleaning themselves in the bathroom and Ava seems eternally amused by the fact that Inez is a ginger, commenting on it as they bandaged one another.

“You just always use your cap and whimple so down in your brow that I’ve never seen your hair.” Ava shrugs, playing with a lock of it while the other Sister waits for it to dry out and has the cut in her brow treated by Beatrice, much to the consternation of both Sisters in the room with her. “Besides, your eyebrows are more brown than anything else.”

“Ava, stop bothering Sister Inez.” Beatrice frowns, trying to keep her concentration in what she was doing.

“Oh, I don’t really mind that much… Ouch.” She winces when a little too much pressure is put on the cut.

“Sorry.” Beatrice mumbles in embarrassment, hurrying to finish and suggesting they quickly have something light to eat so they can go to rest.

They all agree to it. And so seem to have the other Sisters given they all leave to go eat at the Inn’s dining hall around the same time. The mood is quiet and they move tables together so they can stay grouped. By then the sun had already gone down and a few Sisters had a hard time holding in their yawns. Ava didn’t have the same reservation and was quickly rushed to her room after the third one in a row. 

The next day they leave without fanfare. Getting into their van and making their way back home. Whatever happened now in the city and to its citizens was for the law of men to decide.

**VI.**

Beatrice felt unsure by a lot of things in her life. She was just really good at covering it up and presenting a facade of utter confidence. She was overly competent and sound of mind. She had done it for so long that repressing her emotions and needs came more naturally to her than not. She was caring when needed, but never intimate.

And then Ava happened. 

Ava changed a lot of things. Some subtle, others not so much. She unified their team like it never was before. Sure they cared and had each other's back. But they had barely been friends before Ava. Shannon, Mary and Lilith had been very close once upon a time, but resentment had divided them and then completely broke them apart.

It’s almost ironic how Ava completely broke them to mend them back together stronger than they ever were before. And Beatrice’s long practiced control shattered at her mere presence at times. She still was shocked with herself for having blown up the Vatican. She had blown up through 20 feet of stone, just to get to Ava… to make sure she’d come back. That she’d have her back.

It was then that she started to understand Mary’s inability to let go. It was also what shined a new light at the relationship that Mary and Shannon might have had. Or, at least, on the feelings Mary had for the previous Halo Bearer. It didn’t feel right to assume...

Ava broke her barriers and walls with ease. She could have said that she easily phased through them, but the reality was that she broke them down, for it was not only to Ava that she started to show more of herself. She also opened up to her other Sisters more easily.

Ava was demolition and construction all at once.

And she was Light. A miracle pure and simple. The things she did, if mentioned in their texts, recounting the life of numerous Halo Bearers, seemed to happen sporadically through history and usually as a last ditch effort before the Halo Bearer perished and the next one raised in her stead. Yet Ava did it again and again and still raised to her feet to face the next challenge, determined to be the one to put an end to this. To ensure no other woman would need to bear the burden she now carried. Determined to achieve Shannon’s dream.

And even so… with all that weight… She still shined. Full of joy and wonder. Marvelled by life.

She had her worries, of course. Beatrice saw them, and saw the way she tried to keep them to herself. Worried about being a bother to those around her. But much like Beatrice, Ava also had learned to share her worries. She’d hold it until something overflowed, and then she saw no other option other than to confide in her Sisters.

Beatrice fought a constant battle within herself, between trying to keep her distance, emotional or otherwise, and being attracted to Ava’s side like a moth to a flame. And she always ended up skirting on the edge of the flames. Flames she was sure that sooner rather than later would burn her to her core.

But if so was her fate, then let her burn, for Ava was Chosen and their path together was the will of God. So she believed. So she hoped.

Every night she recited her vows and every night she edited them and negotiated them with God in her heart and mind, so she could at least feel without guilt overcoming her. She still had a long way to go to let go of the feelings of shame and inadequacy, however. 

Jealousy was also a new feeling for her, not that she was calling it, whatever this was, _ that _ . She can’t pin exactly when it started. Maybe because Ava spent most of her time with their team than with any other Sister of their Order. But seeing Ava so entranced by Sister Inez colorful hair… and then on the next morning to wake up and find Ava curled up against the other Nun…

Her first thought both times was that it should have been her. But how could she demand it if it was by her own fault that she wasn’t the one sharing the bed with Ava. Yet, no matter how illogical it was, she still resented the way Inez’ arms circled around Ava, and how their legs were almost tangled together.

To get over her feelings she had silently packed up her things, she instinctively straightened Ava’s belongings too leaving out the clothes for her to use on their travel back. She had dressed and left the room deciding to wait for everyone at the dining hall.

She had grabbed the sit next to Ava on their way back however. And since Ava had chosen a window sit it was as if she had Ava all to herself. She almost felt the urge to gloat. Another new feeling Ava inspired in her. But she curbed it down.

Then Ava curled her arms around one of Beatrice’s and leaned her head against her shoulder to take a nap. And Beatrice… Beatrice felt like she would vibrate out of her own skin.

**VII.**

On their way back to Cat’s Cradle Ava had the dream again. It was entirely different to wake up unable to move while laying down and alone in her own room, than to wake up unable to move while sitting up in a Van full of people.

Beatrice is obviously the first to notice. Not only it was Ava, and therefore she was paying attention, but the girl was also curled against her. So she could immediately tell when Ava tensed up. 

And then before Beatrice could say or do anything Ava phased through the seat and floor of their moving Van. It was a bit of a commotion. She, yelling for them to stop, Camila suddenly hitting the brakes… Ava was also, apparently, kind of run over by the car coming behind them.

Chaos. 

The people from the car looked as freaked out as they looked confused. A girl had suddenly fallen out of a moving van without any doors being opened, then they had gone over said girl, unable to stop in time. Then the Van stopped suddenly enough that the tires had screeched and a lot of Nuns had poured out of it. The girl they had run over and should’ve been at least halfway to dead, just got up and with a quiet “Shit… sorry about that, dude.” had simply gone to the Nuns, entered their van and left.

They really didn’t feel like explaining things.

“Are you okay, Ava?” “What the fuck happened?” “What was that all about?” “Are you hurt?” It was a chorus of questions from everyone in the van, it was just so many and at the same time that she had a hard time understanding them all.

“Enough!” Called Beatrice. “Let her breathe and maybe she can answer…”

“Yeah, so… sorry about all that.” Whatever wound she may have sustained was all healed up, but her clothes betrayed the damage. “Also, I’m not so sure…”

“Do you need us to hold you?” One of the Sisters asked her eyes wide and a little uncertain.

“Yes, Ava… do you need us to carry you, lest you fall through the ground again?” Lilith mocked peeking from her seat that was right in front of Ava’s.

With an annoyed frown she just phases her foot through the back of the seat and kicks Lilith, but the action is done only half heartly and the older girl just barely jerks in her seat laughing freely, much to the surprise of those less intimate with her.

“Carefull, Ava. You don’t want to get your feet stuck again.” Lilith just keeps on taunting.

“I said enough!” Beatrice calls again, squeezing Ava’s hand, for which she had reached out for as soon as the girl had gotten back into her seat. “Lilith, please stop provoking Ava, and Ava… please stop falling for it.”

They’re all silent for a little while after that… not even the small conversations previously happening between the Sisters were going around anymore. Ava was almost resigning herself to the awkward silence when Mary just couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “But, seriously, what the fuck was that all about?”

“Language, Sister!” Camila called out.

“No, really, what was that? I thought you had control over that already…” Mary insists. She was all the way back on the front, while Ava Sat on the third row of seats, so her voice was raised a bit and the other sisters not entirely used to their team’s dynamics just watched every back and forth wide eyed and expectant. 

“I do! It’s just… probably lingering things from my dream…” Ava mumbles squeezing back Beatrice’s hand and turning into her to rest her head on her shoulder again.

“Was that… You know what? We’re talking about that when we get back to Cat’s Cradle.” Mary announces and huffs from her seat.

Ava doesn't dignify a verbal answer, but nods her head against Beatrice’s shoulder and the Sister just exchanges a meaningful look with Lilith who was still peeking at them from her seat. 

When they make their final stop, the Sisters reorganize themselves a bit inside the Van. It was now Sister Adelaide on the wheel and Mary and Camila had gone to the back so they could sit close to the other three. Lilith had also moved to the same row as Ava and Beatrice.

There is no comment about it, but on the back of her mind Beatrice has the impression that someone took a picture.

**VIII.**

Ava was getting really on edge. Her senses were going at full throttle. The smallest noise would catch her attention and leave her anxious. It has not gone unnoticed. It was particularly hard to not notice that something was wrong when someone accidentally breaks another’s nose at a mere greeting.

Luckily, depending on how you choose to look at it, it was Lilith’s and she heals almost as fast as the Halo Bearer these days. That was also the straw that broke the camel's back and Ava was pulled into a room with the rest of the team and demanded an explanation.

It was the dreams. She had one on their trip back from the last mission, and on the night they got back than two days later she had it again. Their frequency was astounding and Ava was unsure of what that might mean.

“You should have told us.” Mary stated seriously, before getting up and starting to pace the room. 

“It’s just… Nothing changed. I wasn’t able to get anything new out of it…” Ava was almost completely curled into herself. It was just the five of them there, in her room.

“It’s not just about having something new or not, Ava.” Camila goes for a more placating route.

“Hell yeah, it’s not just about it!” Mary exclaims still in her pacing and ignoring completely the complaints from the three Sisters about her foul language. “You have to get through that thick head of yours that you’re not alone. You can come to us with this kind of shit. Yeah yeah yeah,  _ language _ , I know.” She brushes off as she sees them opening their mouths again.

“That’s why we never get Ava out of that habit. You keep feeding it.” Lilith grumbles with an eye roll. That just intensifies when she hears Ava holding back a snort, mumbling ‘ _ She said habit… _ ’ under her breath.

That really broke the tension, though, and unwinded the most agitated among them.

“Ava, we’re your team. And more than that we’re your family. It’s not only about being prepared, but also about being able to be there for you.” Beatrice says evenly sitting next to Ava near the headboard of the bed and covering the girl’s hand with hers. 

“You also said that the dreams became more frequent near the time you actually died.” Lilith points out. “Having so many so close together might mean the day is approaching.”

“Lilith…” Camila reprimands noticing Ava tensing.

“She is not wrong. We need to be ready. But it’s not just about it. You’ve got a better handle on the Halo’s energy expenditure, but it also flares with your emotions.” Mary points out, finally having stopped her pacing. “And if you’re a mess…”

“I get it. Sorry.” Ava answers not looking at any of them. But she did turn her hand so she’d be actively holding Beatrice’s and when the girl made a move to pull it back in surprise she just squeezed it making sure the other girl wouldn’t let go.

“There is no need to apologize. Just...” Mary interrupts herself unsure of what to add.

“You trust your team in the field, you can trust your team out of it too.” The words were surprisingly soft spoken and coming from Lilith. 

And it’s not that she didn’t believe or trust them. Because she did. She even loved them, she'd dare to say. It was not even half a year since she was resurrected and trusted into this world of demon hunting nuns and fights between good and evil, and she found more connection with them than she ever had anywhere else. Diego was the only one that came to mind that she could compare to this. The boy had saved her in more ways than she’d be able to count. And although she’d always have him in her heart their paths had separated the moment Ava had been put into a body bag.

Even though she did go back there, they both knew it.  _ “I’ll see you in heaven, Ava.” _ He had promised. Rather, he had been sure. So sure of it. And Ava hoped, truly hoped, that he was right, even if she doubted it sometimes. Sister Frances’ words of Hell and damnation both before and after her death still ringed in her ears. Add to that the fact that she not only saw someone being literally dragged to hell and have a devil and a multitude of demons hellbent in her demise, and you might get the reason why one would rather remain in doubt.

Ava never really had any control over anything, and when she finally thinks she is getting the handle of things, the dreams come back. And she just can’t shake them off. She had hoped that she could at least do this one thing. Make sure no one else would need to go over what Shannon and all that came before had to go through. She didn’t want to look at the _ ‘next one’ _ with the eyes Shannon had looked at her. Feeling like she had failed them. Full of regret and pain. She didn’t want to have a ‘ _ next one’ _ . 

Not so she could keep the Halo or anything. It wasn’t about that anymore. Meeting Shannon and thinking that Beatrice or Camila or any of the Sisters would have to carry this burden if she came to fail… That’s what she was afraid of. She has been a burden to others pretty much all her life, it was only appropriate that she’d be the one carrying this one. If she had to go back to being quadriplegic and alone, or even dead to ensure that no one had to go through this again, she’d gladly do it. But that was something she didn't dare tell anyone.

And that’s why those dreams got to her so much. In them she faced both her fears… Old and new. 

**IX.**

When the time actually comes she is surprised that the first thing she feels is not fear nor dread. It’s not that she ran or that they left her… she was purposefully separated from them. There is an odd sense of relief for a brief moment as she hits the ground. The forced teleportation leaves her ears ringing, she feels like she could throw up at any moment. The feeling is eerily reminiscent from when she first resurrected, right before she had been hit by a truck. 

And then, to her surprise once again, it’s worry rather than fear that pools into her belly.

She was separated from them. They had been in the middle of a fierce battle, she had been pinpointing the wraiths to them so they could send them back to Hell, when she first started to feel it. A pulling sensation, almost as if someone had pointed a vacuum in her direction and only she could feel or be affected by it. Then Adriel was at her side, and his hands around her forearm. Another pull, much stronger this time, and she was falling through nothingness and burning all at the same time.

The next second she is hitting the ground. She didn’t have her sword with her. Odd how she never noticed it’s absence in her dreams. Maybe she unconsciously had thought that whoever took the Halo also had taken it. But it just didn’t come with her. Now she was alone and weaponless. But worst of all, her Sisters were without her fighting against beings no one but her could see.

“Finally, a moment for just the two of us again.” Adriel says with a sickly sweet voice, almost as if he was trying to sound seductive.

It was supposed to be a routine mission. It had looked really simple on paper. The fact that it had been at least half a hour away from any fishing dock and large bodies of water had also given her a false sense of security. They didn’t even call for more than their usual team. 

Maybe that's what it means to fall due to one’s own hubris.

Looking around she recognized the place. The color of the walls, how the light didn’t directly reach them, the dust, it was so dusty there... The sound, and now that she thought about it, even the smell. She hadn't really considered it, thinking back on her dream, but now, with it permeating her nose she felt a sense of familiarity in it. 

“You have something that does not belong to you.” He keeps saying with the same voice, same undertone.

“Well…” She says falling into her usual forced bravado. “I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but it doesn’t belong to you either.”

“I conquered it for myself!” Smiles and sweetness completely gone from his face. “Therefore it belongs to me.”

“A thief is a thief, no matter how nice you dress it.” 

Maybe she could hold him off for a while even without her sword. She was fighting better now, stronger even without the Halo’s boost, and also could use more of its energy without depleting it. She needed to find a way to ditch him and get to the others! They wouldn’t think that she left them would they?

She doesn’t have much time to overthink it. He is on top of her in seconds. He is faster… faster than Lilith when she goes all out on her claws and all. Ava barely has time to avoid it. Maybe they will see she left her sword behind and will know something is wrong…

She is thrown against a wall before she can even react. Her thoughts and worries were getting away from her and in the way of her current and more immediate problem.  _ Focus, Ava, or you won’t survive to actually go back to them. Then your dream will just prove true, won’t it? _

Fear was finally catching up with her. And yet it wasn’t a fear for herself. Beatrice and Mary would be so proud. They finally managed to cure her selfishness. And even though she is thrown again against a wall, unable to react in time, a small chuckle is all that leaves her mouth.

“Why are you laughing!?” He growls with barely controlled frustration. Simply picking her up again, like a ragdoll, and hitting her against the wall once more, this time face first against it. “You can’t even fight back, you’re useless without your little friends, I don’t know why the Halo choose to attach itself to something so insignificant, but as soon as I get back what is rightfully mine…” He holds her by the neck against the wall and with the other hand she feels him ripping her top to shreds, his fingers starting to dig into her, penetrating her skin as if he was digging into butter. She can feel her blood running down her spine. “You won’t be away from them for long, don’t worry. I’ll go back to your little friends and tear them apart limb by limb and soon you will meet with them in the afterlife.” His fingers had finally reached the Halo, Ava is sure of it. But all she can hear is that he plans to harm her family and all she can feel is burning. “I can’t promise they’ll be sane enough to recognize you, however. Even in spirit.” He chuckles deviously just by the shell of her ear. 

The burning sensation just grows, on her back, behind her eyes... The Halo is vibrating so much that it’s ringing in her ears. In the back of her mind a surprised grunt might have been heard, but all she can focus on is on what Adriel had threatened to do to her family, to the people she loved and cared about. The burning spreads through her body, her skin glowing, the brightness ever growing as if she herself was the Light. A shock wave surges from her. The fingers in her back are forcefully ripped from it tearing away at bits of her skin opening the punctures into cuts.

Ava's feet hit the ground and she turns to Adriel without full awareness of herself. The only thing in her mind is that he is a danger to her family and that he promised to break them to their very core… to their very soul. And that was simply unforgivable.

He was still trying to comprehend what just happened when she was on top of him. Bright and burning, her eyes like two shining beacons. The Divine spilling from her every pore. The light coming off of her was burning him, damning him. It wasn’t the girl anymore, it was the Halo itself, it was all those who carried It at once. All of them revolting against him and condemning him fueled by the girl’s feelings. He’d burn away and into dust if he did nothing.

With immense effort he reaches one of his hands to her back, rather than digging into it he palms it, hands stretched over the wounds he had caused previously. The burning sensation is nearly unbearable, but he endures it, words of an unknown language falling from his lips.

Three things happen at once. There is the sound of someone teleporting nearby. There is Adriel, summoning the least of his strength to fade away from there and to a place where he can lick his wounds and try to restore himself. And, finally, the Light coming off Ava, that once had been so strong, then starts to flicker and go out like a burning lamp.

With Adriel’s sudden disappearance, Ava hits the floor. Unable to move, front down against the ground, eyes open yet unseeing, tears running down her cheeks leaving tracks in her dusty face. A pool of blood starts to form under her, leaving what’s left of her clothes, stained and damp. Her back had sustained large wounds as if a beast had clawed into it.

But the Halo is still there, albeit inert and darkened. And rather than alone, a voice calls out to her. A hand is soon on her shoulder and she is tentatively shook. But she can’t answer, she can hardly even hear whoever it is. The only thing she is capable of is closing her eyes and praying that her family is okay and that no harm came to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little curiosity: The other citation I felt inclined to use for this chapter was James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." I got up yo almost 7 bibles citations for some books and them norrowed down to 3 or less until I ultiumatly choose the one I used. 
> 
> Next book is the Book of Sisters 
> 
> I'm still finishing the last one given all that happened but it's getting there =)


	3. Book of Sisters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must warn............. there is a looot of crying on this one, ha!  
> no, seriously. they cry a lot ._. 
> 
> I also might have murdered the english language twice here, one of those times to give it a old timey feeling. sorry... i used a old english/shakespearian "translator" and tried to work around it. (tell me if it's too odd and bothersome and i'll just change it to normal) There is some french too, but don't worry i didn't murder it i just used the old trick of text between <...> means foreign language.
> 
> I hope you guys like it, I ultimately choose to leave it all together. i'll do the same with the last book that's also promising to be a monster of a book.
> 
> also i really liked this quote for this chapter okay? :')

_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs._

**_1 Corinthians 13:4-5_ **

* * *

**I.**

The next time Ava opens her eyes, which is a surprise in itself, she is not on some dirt floor nor seeing herself from outside of her own body or even in a morgue. So she guessed she was alive yet. Still, something was oddly out of place. Was this her room? Had all that been a dream? An update on what would happen, perhaps?

Some movement by her side and the rustle of cloth falling catches her attention, and she notices that she is not alone. But her companion is also not someone she would have expected. Curled up in an armchair, legs pulled up on the seat and still in combat clothes. At least the parts not covered by the soft blanket seemed like it. The head was bent down and it’s silvery gray hair was curtaining the person’s face, but there was no mistaking who it was.

Whit slightly difficulty she tried looking around. And she finds two mismatched chairs and a lovesit she is sure doesn’t belong in here. All of them have blankets thrown over them, but are otherwise empty. She still is unsure if this is her room, but she had an inkling that whatever happened, it hadn't been another dream.

“Lilith?” She calls unsure if her voice would reach. 

But the head immediately shots up. Creases were printed on the girl’s face and her eyes looked puffy and raw, her hair was also a bit out of place.

“You’re awake!” She disentagles herself from her blanket getting up, indeed still in her battle habit. “I’m going to call the others, they just went to get some food.”

“Lilith, wait…” But the nun had already left.

And then a realization comes suddenly, crashing down on Ava, and dread and despair suddenly start to fill her lungs instead of air.

She couldn't move. She couldn’t raise her hand and turn her torso like she had wanted when she saw Lilith scrambling away. But more worrying yet, she couldn’t feel anything, anything at all below her neck, except for a numb and far away feeling on the extremities of her right hand.

Ava tried moving again and the most she was able to accomplish was slightly curving the fingers of her right hand. It was if she was back at St. Michael, before her first death. But this was not her room at the orphanage, there was no Diego and Lilith… It had been Lilith in her room seconds before hadn’t it?

Was she going crazy and it all had been a dream? The days with JC, Chanel and the other two, the OCS, the Halo, Adriel... Even Beatrice and the others. Had that all been a dream? Her brain had finally caved in and left her mad as well as quadriplegic? Was this what all that was?

Yet, this wasn’t her room at St. Michael. That was for sure. Maybe Sister Frances had finally snapped and sent her to a hospice and that’s why the room was different. 

Before she can dig herself even more into her panic and doubts, however, the doors to the room she was at burst open. Four people rushing inside all of them still in their combat clothing. Ava’s eyes explore each of them, making sure it’s really them, that they’re really here… she is not alone, nor crazy. She’s just… useless again somehow.

She burst in tears, crying profusely and yet her body doesn’t move or shake with her sobs, her arms don't raise to cover her face and she doesn’t roll to look away from them and their surprised and worried eyes. She is motionless except for her head. And she cries.

**II.**

It takes a while and a lot of worry and confusion, by the part of her Sisters, but Ava is finally able to calm down and stop crying. She is almost like a husk of herself, but at least she is calmer. The two mismatched chairs had been pulled closer to her bed and were being occupied by Beatrice and Camila. Mary was sitting in the armchair previously used by Lilith and the girl herself was standing up by the foot of her bed.

They were all unsure and lost.

“What… what happened?” It’s Camila that breaks the silence, patience not always being her forte.

Her voice brings Ava’s attention to them and she can notice that both her and Beatrice are holding onto her. Camila by her calf and Beatrice at her forearm. Maybe if Beatrice had placed her hand a little lower, closer to her palm and fingers she might have noticed it earlier. 

“I didn’t notice you were touching me.” Ava mumbles, eyes briefly locked on the places they were holding onto her, before raising her eye to them and adding. “I can’t feel you guys, you know?” 

None of them seem to understand. Not really at least. Not at first. And then realization seems to dawn on them, one by one.

“Can you move?” Mary blurts out suddenly and Ava snaps her head at her with a very pointed look on her face, as if saying _What do you think, idiot?_ While Beatrice’s and Camila’s stares were completely reproachful, the former’s much more severe than the other. “I mean, sorry, but…”

“Is it not like that time with Sister Crimson?” Beatrice cuts her off, looking back at Ava, worry etched in her voice and face. Besides the hand in her forearms she extends her other one, laying it on Ava’s shoulder and squeezing it once. “Can you feel this?” At Ava’s negative she inhales sharply, she tries putting more pressure in her holds, but the girl remains unbothered.

“Maybe… maybe the Halo is just exhausted.” Camila suggests, voice trembling. “Sister Lilith said you seemed to be putting off a lot of energy before you passed out…” The younger of the Sisters licks her dried lips, eyes jumping from one person to another looking for reassurance, but the mood was uncomfortably somber. “Maybe…”

“Maybe he got what he wanted and now we have our answer with what would happen if you took It out of me…” Ava’s voice is eerily calm, empty of any emotion. 

“No. You still have It.” Lilith forcefully insists. “He hurt you deeply, we could see It inside you, even as they stitched you up when you didn’t immediately heal by yourself.”

There is a sharp intake and Ava’s voice and expression hardens. “Then maybe It finally caught up with everyone else and noticed how useless and unworthy of It I am.” Her eyes lost somewhere only she could see. “Maybe It finally gave up on me and I’m nothing, but a rejected charity project.”

“Hey!” Mary reprimands, her voice accompanied by the sound of a slap. Ava looks at her and after a while takes note that the older girl had hit her in her reproval. “You don’t get to talk about yourself like this. We don’t know what’s happening here. Maybe you just… did use way more energy than usual, so it’s taking longer.”

“Every other time I lost power I just had a bit of difficulty in moving, but my sense of touch remained intact.” Ava points out, she was shaken, but her harsh tone wasn’t there anymore. “It was you that assumed that I only lost movement because of weak muscle strength. So if I can’t even feel anymore...”

“All the more reason for us to believe it’s probably something else.” Mary turns to insist.

“Yeah! That It’s rejecting me now!” She yells, and it’s full of rage and frustration. The Sisters seem slightly taken back by the outburst not having really expected it.

”We don’t really know what is happening, Ava.” Beatrice says calmly, she moves her hand from the girl’s shoulder to her face cradling her cheek and caressing it with her thumb. Creating a connection deeper than sight, to ensure the other girl she had others with her. In her corner and not against her. It seems to work after a while, Ava leaning against the touch. “But this is not rejection. Maybe if you could tell us what happened…”

“I don’t know… I…” Her eyes flicks to Lilith in thought. “You found me right? What did you… what can _you_ remember?” 

Lilith looks over at her Sisters and notices they were also staring at her expectantly. “We were surrounded and you were calling the position of the wraiths and then you just stopped.” She clears her throat clasping both hands before her own body. “When we… I look over, you were just gone. The possessed got even more relentless… and then, suddenly, they all just crumbled to the ground as if the string keeping them up just snapped. Then I see the cruciform sword on the ground and I…” She is oddly unsure of herself and was gesturing almost wildly trying to build an explanation. “It’s like I can feel you… or maybe it’s the Halo, I’m not so sure. I just know you were away from us and next I know I’m grabbing the sword and going to you. I didn't really appear in your direct line of sight, however. When I see you… It was really hard to actually see, rather than giving off light it was if you were made of it. But you were on top of something… someone. But before I could do anything they teleported away and you hit the ground and you weren’t glowing anymore. I called you, but you weren’t answering. So I just tried to stop your bleeding and called the others.”

“It was Adriel. He pulled me away from you, I…” Tears start to gather again in Ava’s eyes. “I was so worried and scared that you would think I left you guys… And he was so fast. I couldn’t concentrate. He was throwing me around and…” She chokes briefly, shaking her head. Beatrice carefully starts to dry her tears. “He said he would kill you guys after he was done with me, that he’d destroy your soul to the point that you’d never even recognize me if we were to meet in the afterlife and I… just snapped.” She says with a growl with her breath slightly labored. “He already had digged into my back then. He was trying to get to the Halo, but I just pushed him away. My head is a little fuzzy after that. Like as if I was there, but not at the same time. I just feel like I was burning but it didn’t hurt, not really. My back, my eyes... then my whole body. I think I jumped on him. My ears were ringing with how much the Halo was vibrating in my back. But he tried to grab my back again and seemed to be saying something. And then… I’m waking up here.”

They all look at one another. There isn’t much detail but by what Ava tells them they gather that she fought a fierce battle, not only against their foe but within herself too.

“That’s _it_!” Camila exclaims suddenly clapping her hands loudly. Mary and Lilith flinch in her direction while Beatrice just looks at her calmly. “Adriel must have done something… to like block? Seal? I don’t know. But he must have done something to the Halo and that’s why…” She gestures emphatically in Ava’s direction.

Ava was not uplifted by pillows so she has a bit of a harder time looking at Camila who was sitting down by her feet, and she just frowns uncertainly when their eyes actually meet. She’d like to believe in that, but the idea that she had finally been rejected and it’s bitter taste couldn’t leave her.

“Camila is right.” Beatrice says getting up from her chair, but bends down her upper body to cradle Ava’s head with both hands finishing to chase away the remaining tears. “This is not rejection, Ava. We will find something. And it’s like I said before, no matter how, you’re not alone anymore you have us.” She kisses Ava’s brow for a lingering moment before she quickly straightens up and clears her throat. “I’m going to inform Mother Superion and update the mission reports.”

She leaves hastily without looking back again, leaving a confused and worried Ava, an amused Camila and Mary and a very suspicious Lilith in the room.

Camila grins happily to have a goal to work towards to and she quickly gets up and also gives a peck to Ava’s brow, a much shorter one compared to Beatrice’s, but just as sweet. She instructs the other two to lift Ava so she is in a more sitting position and announces that she will be grabbing her some food before also leaving.

“So… how do we do that?” Mary asks after a moment of lingering silence.

And, much to their relief, Ava laughs at that. At first just a snort, but soon growing to a full belied one that would have her bending over had she been able to move.

**III.**

Ava adapts surprisingly fast. Or maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise at all given the twelve years spent in that same situation. Or rather, a similar situation. 

She is treated way better this time around, though. 

For once, she really is pretty much never left alone. Something that only started to happen at St. Michael after Diego was put in the same room as her. Before him, she’d spend hours alone at a time. Ignored or, maybe, even completely forgotten by the people of the orphanage. Now however she always had a Sister with her.

That was different too. The Sisters here were much more pleasant than the ones back in St. Michael. And this time around no one was trying to kill her. 

She’d be visited by a number of Sisters, especially the ones she had gone to missions with at one point or another. Some treated her surprisingly the same, others had become overzealous and almost smothering, but there were also those who couldn’t hide their worry. If it was concern for her or for the Halo she wasn’t sure… they were still nicer then the great majority at the orphanage, however, even if they only cared about the Halo.

By day three of her new situation she had a wheelchair and most of the stairs in the Abbey had ramps installed over them so she could be transported everywhere. She had actually cried when they took her for breakfast in the mess room so she could be with everyone. They also actually asked what she wanted to eat rather than just shovel food in her mouth to be done with.

Every little thing made her cry on the first few days, she didn’t tell them why, she just did. The stark difference between how the OCS was treating her in her current situation and how she had been treated at St. Michael. After her first year there she never let herself give them the satisfaction of her tears. She hardened herself, made everything a joke, held to her small victories as best as she could.

It was nice, though… to see how things could have gone. That it was possible to be treated well, to be seen as a person with actual thoughts and not just a burden.

But she knew that all this care probably wouldn’t last long. They’d start to tire of having to take care of her and do pretty much everything for her. As soon as they noticed that the Halo wasn’t going to do it’s magic on her again, or maybe even before that, when the next mission came… They would sure get rid of her. They’d give up on waiting and take the Halo from her and pass It to the next one. Someone more worthy this time, that actually knew what they would be doing.

She didn’t voice those thoughts, however. She didn’t need to see the confirmation of it in their eyes as they scrambled to say that something like that would never happen. So she was going to enjoy this while it lasted. 

She was in her room, in one rare moment of being left alone. They had actually installed a baby monitor in her room in case she needed to call them, but she refused to actually make use of it. If she needed something, like water or whatever she’d ask them when they were there. Not by crying out through a fucking _baby monitor_. And that’s what she did. Lilith was with her just a few moments earlier when Ava asked for water and they noticed that the pitcher in her room was empty. Lilith had gone to refill it and that’s why she was alone at the moment.

Maybe it would be better and hurt less if she ended this herself. If she got over with it already. Maybe she’d be able to move on that way… It’s not like she didn’t see this as a possibility if she were ever able to end things. 

She is deep in thought and looking out her window when Lilith comes back. This time with Camila right behind her. She doesn’t see her, but she can hear the two of them talking. She is unsure about what since she wasn’t really paying attention. She hardly even notices they stopped talking.

Camila exchanges a look with Lilith when Ava doesn’t even acknowledge them. “Are you okay, Ava?” Her voice has an undertone of worry. 

This seems to catch the girl’s attention and she finally looks at them. Lilith pops a straw in the cup she had filled with water and takes it to Ava letting her take a sip before she answers them. She thanks the girl who just puts the cup on the bedside table when Ava dismisses another sip.

“Yeah, just distracted…” She answers quietly and looks out her window again. She really should just get it over with. “Actually…” She turns to face them, and notices that beside the tray with the weather pitcher there was also a bunch of dressings and other care materials. So that was why Camila came… “There is something I want to talk about.”

“Should we call the others?” Camila asks curiously, approaching the girl. 

“No need. I wanted to ask. Do you already have a next one? Will it still be you,” She looks at Lilith then before directing her words at the both of them again. “...or, given all the other worldly things, another one was chosen?”

“Ava. What are you talking about?” Lilith frowned.

“The next Halo bearer, obviously. It’s not like I'm being much of a Warrior Nun right now… or ever again for that matter. Look, just…” She looks at her desk on the other side of her bed. “In the drawer on my desk, there is that tablet you gave me. If you can grab me it…” Camila is already moving and doing what Ava is asking for. “Just unlock it with my finger.” She slightly curls her right index finger. 

The amount of time it takes for this almost nonexistent movement is monumental at times, and after almost half a year of having control over her full body it was immensely frustrating. She knew it had been a great achievement back then, even if the most she ever did with it was flipping Frances and the other mean nuns at the orphanage. 

She is brought out of her thoughts by Camila gently holding her finger against the fingerprint scan on the tablet. She can barely feel it but the Sister’s tenderness almost brings tears to her eyes once again.

“What we’re looking for?” She asks, holding the screen in Ava’s direction.

“There is a folder. It’s called _future plans_ shouldn’t be hard to find.” Ava says and watches as Camila turns the tablet back to her and starts to look for it. Lilith was standing next to her and also looking at it over the shorter nun’s shoulder.

Ava can pinpoint the exact moment they find it. Camila opens her mouth as if to announce she found it when her finger quickly tapped the screen and she saw what was inside. Her eyes ran over the contents of the folder rather fast. Her hands sporadically swiping at it probably rolling down to see the rest of the contents in the folder.

“These are all… Housings for permanent care.” Lilith mumbles. “Places that will take in those who can’t care for themselves. There are also some Homecare services. Particular nursing homes… Ava.”

“I had hoped I would have been able to actually save some money before needing it, and maybe go to one of the fancy places. But there is a way to request assistance from the government. And some NGOs and charity programs that also help with that. I don’t mind going somewhere cheaper if that’s all I can afford, I mean anywhere will probably be leagues ahead of St Michael anyway. But…” Ava refused to look at any of them in the eyes. “We should just get this over with already… So, just pass the Halo to the next one and stuff me in any of these places if I’m still alive by then. At least one of them should take me in, I think. And I can just stop being a burden to anyone.”

“There is no next one. I thought you were going to be the last one. That you were going to end this.” Lilith faces her, voice serious and face hardened. She didn’t know how to express her feelings, she didn’t even know what she was feeling exactly. So instead she just appeared irritated.

“Well, there is no way I can do that now that I’ve been rejected by the Halo, can I? The most I can actually do right now is give someone the finger after almost a minute of struggle. Or talk their heads off...” Ava's face was red with frustration and anger, her eyes redened and completely moist yet no tear spilled down. “Is that how you think I’ll defeat Adriel? Talking to him and flipping him the bird? You always wanted It, didn’t you? You hunted me down, you were ready to _kill me_ for It. So why won’t you just _take It_ already?”

Ava looked almost wild, even when her movement was limited to the angry jerks of her face and the rise and fall of her, otherwise motionless, chest. The hand she could move was curled and curved almost as if it had been trying to make a fist but wasn’t able to do it all the way.

Camila cried silently and profusely by then, her hands covering her mouth, her eyes unable to move away from the pain of her Sister. The irritated look in Lilith’s face was entirely gone and she just looked confused, and regretful, and hurt and as stoic as she was able too. “I don’t want it. Not anymore.”

“ _Why!?_ ” The girl cried, tears finally starting to spill.

“Because you’re _chosen_!” Lilith says just as strongly before inhaling sharply and calming herself again. “It’s yours and I would never be right for it. I see that now. How can’t you?”

“How can I? When it just left me? It’s in there, but I can’t feel it, I can’t _hear_ it. It’s pretty much gone. And soon enough all of you will be too! Too tired and annoyed to bother with someone that’s nothing but a burden, useless and broken. A waste. A waste of space and time. So why not just get it over with?”

“Ava… how can you think…” Camilla sobs when Lilith is too taken back to say anything then. “We would never leave you or tire of you. We’re family, Sisters. You will never be alone, in this life or the next.”

“So you say… so said Beatrice. It wouldn’t matter if I am quadriplegic, festooned with boils or a talking head in a bag… Yet she is not here, is she? She is never here.” Ava’s voice finally started to lose its strength, the momentum almost gone from her.

“What are you talking about? She is always here…” Confusion is clear in the face of her Sisters when Camila finally asks.

“Yes, when everyone else is.” By then Ava was talking barely above a whisper. Energy completely spent. “She left me, too busy to deal with such a useless thing. And soon will everyone else too. The novelty will pass and only resentment will remain.”

“That’s just not true, Ava. You’ve got to know that.” Camila insisted, her voice still watery with all her crying. “She is hardly sleeping, spending all the time she can spare looking for something, for a solution to this. Researching and translating tomes we can’t even date. All for you. Because she cares for you like we all do.”

“So why will she hardly look at me or talk to me… She won’t even come near me when she is here with you guys. She won’t even _touch_ me anymore.” Her voice is so small and her head is bent down, and if not for the wheelchair’s security belt, Ava would probably have toppled over long ago. “I’m tired… Just leave me, please. You don’t need to move me or anything.”

They decide to give Ava what she requests for the moment, they could come back to redress her wounds at any time. But rather than leaving her in the chair, Lilith quietly scoops her over in her arms, and Camila, catching up to her intention, pulls back the bed’s covers so Ava can be lied down on it. She tenderly covers the girl leaving the heaviest of the blankets only over her legs, knowing she overheated easily. 

Lilith quietly dries her face and in an unexpected move, she bends down and kisses Ava in the forehead. She turns around and then leaves the room without saying another word. Camila lingers for just a second longer, she doesn’t bend to give Ava a kiss as Lilith did, but she softly caresses one of her cheeks, a pained smile as she sees Ava’s eyes fluttering closed in her exhaustion. She leaves soon after.

**IV.**

When Ava wakes up again she isn’t alone in her room. The door of her room is being closed as someone leaves, but she wasn’t able to catch who it was. There is just the soft clicking of the door and the disappearance of the little outline of light. 

Her room companion stays still and silent as she finishes her visual exploration, however. As Ava finally gives her full attention she hardly does anything to show if she is aware of the new scrutiny.

“Mother Superion.” Ava greets, voice raspy due to her dry throat. 

Without offering any answer, the older woman gestures to the cup left by Lilith and when Ava accepts it, she picks it up and helps the girl to have her fill, before moving ahead with any possible conversation. 

“It’s very disconcerting to come back from Rome and find the place in almost complete chaos.” Is her opening of choice. “From what I gathered you had a fight with your Sisters, Mary tried to give you your privacy, but voices were quite risen at some point, yet no one knows what the fight was really about. No one can get Lilith to talk and she is avoiding everyone and anytime anyone asks something to Camila she just starts crying again. We’re very worried she might actually dehydrate.”

“I’m sorry.” Ava says shamefully, looking away from the older Nun.

Mother Superion sighs heavily before relaxing a little more in her chair. One of the extra ones brought to Ava’s room on the day they came back from their last mission. The loveseat and armchair were still also in her room, leaving it slightly cramped with the amount of misplaced furniture plus her wheelchair, but it was also a physical proof of her friend's dedication. At least once a day all those new sitting spaces would be occupied by her Sisters as they spent time together. But Ava also felt like it was just a reminder of all that she would lose eventually. 

“I wonder if you really should be, though.” The Mother said tiredly. “It’s I that owes you a few apologies.” 

“You do?”

“Yes, I believe I do.” She says graciously, a small and slightly pained smile adorning her lips, and her eyes unusually soft. “Beginning with one for how I treated you when you first got here. Perhaps many things could have been avoided if I hadn’t given in to my own fears and cowardice.”

“There’s no way you’re a coward tho…” Ava starts, but stops immediately when Mother Superion requests it with a careful hand gesture.

“As cunning and manipulative as Vincent was. He wasn’t wrong about some things.” She starts again after another long sigh. “I had chosen to not even give you a chance and instead of extending a hand, I just gave even more reason for you to mistrust and resent us. What I insinuated back then… It was needlessly cruel and even if I might have believed it at first you more than showed indications that that hadn't been the case. Yet I didn’t consider what it would have meant, specially to you, and used it against you like a weapon to purposefully hurt you, because of my own resentment and fears. I don’t blame you for running. We asked for a lot and gave very little.”

The woman pauses and studies Ava trying to gauge her reaction, and the girl just keeps looking at her wide eyed and even a bit awed, patiently waiting for her to finish. She had really come a long way in regards to it.

“And even with all that, you came back. You felt the need to explain yourself to me when you had no need for doing so. You showed concern and care for me when I had no reason to be given it. I called you selfish and yet even not knowing what it would mean to you, you were ready to destroy those bones just so it would mean that no other girl would have to give their life to the Halo or this war. Just that already makes you a better Warrior Nun than I would ever wish I'd been.” She gestures again requesting for Ava to wait just a little longer, for her to finish speaking her mind. “And even being aware of all that I wronged you once again, Ava. I won’t say that what I’ve gone to do in Rome isn’t important in itself, but I should have talked to you and soothed your worries instead of just getting an assessment of the situation and leaving you to your troubles. And for that I’m also deeply sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mother, I mean I didn't even know you had left.” Ava shrugged, her inability to accept and identifying real care and affection from pity, shining through her words. 

“And that’s a problem in itself isn’t it? I should have let you know.” 

“It’s not like you had too…” Sure, Ava had wondered to herself why the matriarch of the OCS hadn’t shown her face, but her guess was that she had been sufficiently busy with the mess that was their last mission to actually be bothered enough to spare the time to go see her.

“That’s the thing, Ava, Mother is not just an administrative title. I’m responsible for all of you, and one of my girls was hurt and in need of guidance and my first reaction was hunting down a solution elsewhere rather than giving her… _You_. The comfort you needed. The reassurances you required…” She let her words wash over the young woman before her. Ava still looked at her as if trying to solve the world’s more complex puzzle. “And who better than someone who was actually rejected by the Halo to give you all of that.”

“What do you mean by that?” Ava choked in her own words trying to hold back her tears, tired of crying and not being able to dry her own tears.

“The others tell me you inist the Halo has rejected you.” Mother Superion points out. Her voice is unyielding even though her eyes are soft. “You think this _silence,_ this _stillness_ is rejection? When the Halo rejects you It won’t stay in. It will move and protest every second. It’ll burn all the way out. You’re not rejected. We may not know what happened to It and you yet. But you’re not rejected. You’re It’s chosen. The first actual one in probably many years.” The woman reassured undeterred by the tears rolling down the girl’s cheeks, and extending her hand to it to give a slight caress. “I’ve known It’s rejection, I’ve come to accept and not resent it. And I can tell for sure that this is not the case here.” 

Ava is unsure of what to say, a complete loss of words. She wasn’t crying anymore at least… And it wasn’t as if Mother Superion’s words had miraculously erased all her worries, but it did help and sure made her hope a little.

It was the fifth day since the fight with Adriel. Five days where her emotions had been an absolute mess. Emotions she had desperately tried to hold on to. Just for, moments later, it all spilled over anyway, hurting more than if she had just shared with them in the first place. 

She had to trust her team. _Her family_. And when she thinks about that, she really hadn’t done much trusting in the least few days. Physically and with her necessities she did, but with her feelings? She had just ran away from them, she had just gone back to all flight and no fight again.

“Thank you, Mother.” Ava says meaningfully to the older woman. “I really think I could do with a bath right now, though, all that crying left me a little queasy. Camila was also going to change the dressing on my back. If she is still up to it can you send her back? I’d like to apologize to her and Lilith if possible. I’ll understand if they don’t want to talk to me yet, though.” 

Mother Superion nods silently before leaving the room. She was woman enough to recognize her mistake and apologise for them, but she also had a limit of how emotional she could get in one day and still keep her composure.

**V.**

Camila still had puffy red eyes and a slightly congested nose by the time she and Lilith appeared back in Ava’s room. And Lilith was closed off and serious as if readying herself for a beating she couldn’t react to or show she was going through.

Ava didn’t blame them, but she sure felt guilty for their state and how they seemed to be stepping on eggs around her.

“Mother Superion said you asked for us.” Lilith announces with an even voice. 

“And I really should change your dressings. Next week we should be able to take the stitches off so it would be a shame if they got infected when we’re already halfway there.” Camila quickly busies herself going in the direction of the materials she had left in the room earlier. “I wanted to respect your need for space, but we really need to do that…”

“Camila… yes… but before that.” Ava inhaled deeply, steeling herself for what she had to say. “I want to apologise to both of you. I’m not sorry for my own feelings, I think I’m at least entitled to them. But! I shouldn’t have used them against you and I should also have considered your feelings rather than only my own. But I’m not good with showing them or with being vulnerable really. I mean… It’s not like I could. For a long time I only had my voice and even then it doesn’t necessarily mean that it was heard. It doesn’t excuse the way I talked to you, but I hope it will at least help you understand.”

“Actually, I don’t think you need to be apologizing. Not really.” Lilith surprises both girls. “I mean it’s nice. We’re all going through a lot and apparently we’re all pretty bad with coping with things. Except maybe Camila.” She grins in said girl’s direction.

“Well…”

“The thing is. I said sorry for trying to kill you and you, surprisingly I must admit, actually forgave me. But that didn’t mean it made everything okay and our personalities don't work really well together but…”

“Actually, I think it’s more about how you think you have to be, than your personality exactly. You can be very caring but it’s like you force yourself to not be, or at least to not appear to be so.” Ava suddenly interrupts her. “Which is pretty fucked up.”

“Language.” Both Sisters chide at the same time.

“Yeah… sure. I don’t know much about your family story, only that, apparently, half of the Halo Bearers are from your family or something like that. It can put a lot of pressure on someone. And Mary said I should be more aware of other people, it's not all about me and I'm neither the only one going through something. And I can understand pressure. Our circumstances are obviously very different, but… I’m sorry that you spent so long thinking that being the Halo Bearer was the only thing that would make you have value.” Ava looks especially at Lilith as she says this, trying to make the other girl see that she really means it. She can hear Camila being really emotional in the background but she tries to focus on this first.

“Six Halo Bearers, not half of them, but my family has been involved with the church since the crusades.” Says in place of a proper answer, clearly trying to control her feelings so she is not crying again like Camila was.

“Damn, did you even actually want to become a nun or were you like forced into it?” If she could Ava would probably have shuddered for a greater delivery, but despite the tone her question and concern was genuine. 

“Thinking back now… I wonder. It always felt like joining the Church was the only path for me. I never thought or considered anything else.” Lilith ponders honestly. “I don’t regret it, but I regret how I first approached it and my reasons for it. I always believed in God, but I see better now. Faith is not about the Church of men. It is His house, but sometimes men corrupt it. My faith is in Him and in the path He put before me, not in an institution.”

“I’m glad then.” Ava breathed easier and it was as if another little weight was lifted from her heart.

“Thank you.” Lilith said in appreciation and at Ava’s confused expression she blushed slightly. “For caring I guess…”

“Aw, that’s so beautiful.” Camila gushes with a watery smile, pretty much reminding the two of them that they weren’t alone. “Such a sisterly love and true forgiveness, that’s God’s truest gift!” She pats her cheeks drying the last of her tears. She then squares her shoulders and assumes a more serious expression. “Now I really need to change your dressings, Ava. Lilith, don’t leave yet, help me move her.”

Camila in work mode was really something else. Despite the flushed face and red eyes she was completely focused. She gave precise instructions to Lilith and they both made quick work with getting Ava out of her shirt and with her back turned to Camila. 

They were going to lay her back in the bed but Ava had enough of lying down for the moment, so by the girl’s request they positioned her in the best way they could so she’d be sitting up and still have her back exposed for Camila to do her work.

That pretty much meant that Ava was in Lilith’s lap. Both girls facing each other, Ava between the older nun’s legs while she sat on the bed. Ava’s legs thrown over Lilith’s as if hugging her. And since Ava couldn’t really sustain herself up her undressed torso was almost completely flushed against Lilith’s front, their head side by side looking over each other's shoulder.

“That’s so nice, it looks like you two are hugging!” Camila giggles at Lilith’s face, that at this point was completely flushed. “I didn't know you could blush this much Lil…”

“Aw, man! Now I wish I was able to see that.” Ava grumbled.

“Shut up! I’m going to drop you otherwise.” She threatened with a growl, but if Camila’s smirk was any indication she hadn’t been really convincing and Lilith just closes her eyes so she can’t see it anymore while she waits for her to finish.

Camila graciously moved on with her task, choosing to not provoke either girl any longer. She starts by carefully removing the bandages around Ava’s torso. She had expected for some of the gauze to have stuck to the healing wounds due to scabbing and such, but everything seems to be coming off pretty easily. When she finishes removing everything and is left with Ava’s completely bare back she can’t help herself but gasp.

“What is it? Is it worse? Did I find a way to hurt myself even more?” Ava asks not exactly worried, but expectant in a way. 

“Actually…” 

When Camila doesn’t finish her sentence, Lilith decides to finally open her eyes and investigate. She follows the other girl’s line of sight and lets out a gasp of her own.

“Ok, now I’m getting worried…” Ava changes her tone.

“No! No… there is no need. Actually. It’s incredible.” Camila’s voice is full of awe.

“It’s wonderful...” Lilith agreed much more quietly.

“What is, dammit?” Ava insists, trying to move her face and accidentally digging her chin in Lilith’s shoulder.

“Your cuts… your wounds are completely healed. Ugh, I need to take these stitches out. Luckily you didn’t heal over them…”

“Wait you mean the Halo…?” She wondered if she should dare to hope, her voice was small and almost trembling.

“Yes, Ava! The Halo healed you again! I mean, I know it’s not everything yet, but...” Camila said excitedly.

“It didn’t abandon me...” Ava cried in relief.

Lilith circled her with her arms, truly hugging her now, soon to be joined by Camila who threw her arms around both of her Sisters. And Ava may not be physically feeling it, but she did feel them. Their presence and their love. They both messed Ava’s hair affectionately and the three of them laughed together sharing in their mirth. 

**VI.**

Beatrice was in the library when the whole commotion in Ava’s room happened. She only heard about it later, after Mother Superion had arrived with even more books for them to go over in the hopes for a solution for their problem at hand. She was organizing them by date and language when Mary entered the room accompanied by a teary eyed Camila and Lilith, which thoughts seemed to be leagues away.

“I got your order from the bookstore you asked me to.” The older woman points to a neat package on the table, set apart from the tomes and a data storage unit she had unloaded in front of Beatrice. Mary thanks her and is almost done unpacking it when Mother Superion decides to talk again. “I heard there was some trouble with Ava and you two. Mary apparently kept the others away so your troubles weren’t heard by the whole Abbey, but should I be worrying or…”

“Is she all right?” Beatrice interrupts. 

“It was more of an emotional thing. She was holding onto some fears and worries and things just overloaded. I guess.” Camila tries to explain in the most tactful way possible.

Lilith however was less worried about it. “Apparently she has been researching for places and services of homecare and the likes, for when she lost the Halo in case she went back to being quadriplegic. There were even Organizations and Charities that could give financial aid if she didn’t have the money or could get something through the government.” 

She had sat on one of the benches, but had hardly touched any of the books, now as if to distract herself from her own feelings she was fiddling with the few directly in front of her. She is brought back to reality when Beatrice places a hand on top of them stopping her from messing even more with what already had been organized.

“We asked why she would need all that since she had us.” Camila added, giving more details. “She didn’t seem to believe she would have us for long however... that we would soon tire of her and get annoyed and resent the care she requires…”

“She asked us if we had chosen the next Halo Bearer yet.” Beatrice gives a sharp inhale at Lilith’s words. “She is convinced that she is being rejected. She is certain that we will abandon and tire of her any day now.”

“Truth is, we don’t really know all that she went through in that orphanage, right? She gave some hints but…” Mary was rubbing her temples, the package before her forgotten for the moment. “It’s not only neglect that she suffered there.”

“She says she didn’t kill herself, and I believe in her.” Beatrice says in complement to the other girl. “But her toxicology shows an overdose of pain medication. The implication it brings forth…”

“She was likely killed by one of the people in charge of taking care of her.” Mary nodded.

Camila was crying again by then, and Lilith was tenser than ever. Jaw and fists clenched with so much strength that it was surprising she hadn’t hurt herself yet. “St. Micheals is cared for by a Nunnery. No wonder she was so mistrustful of us.” Camila dabbed at her eyes. “I’ll wash my face. I’ll be back soon to help you, Bea.”

Beatrice can feel Lilith’s gaze on her as Camila excuses herself. Her hard and reproachful expression catches her by surprise. “You should stop hiding from her.” Comes the stern reprimand.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Beatrice tries to deflect.

“You’ve been avoiding her and she noticed it. She is really hurt by it. Thinks it only proves that, no matter how much we say we will be there for her, we will all end up getting tired of her anyway. That’s what she thinks, that you had enough of her.”

“I’m not avoiding her. I’m always there. And when I'm not I'm burying myself in books looking for something to solve her problem.” She defends herself, looking at anything but the two girls sharing the table with her. It’s then that she notices that Mother Superion wasn’t there anymore. She didn’t even notice when the woman left.

“You’re only there when she is sleeping or when all of us are, yet you hardly interact. You were the person she spent the most of her time with, and now you hardly interact.” Mary points out.

“I need to find Mother Superion.” Was Beatrice’s only answer before she left, face flushed in consternation.

She is informed that Mother Superion was seen going to Ava’s room, and for a solid minute she considers just hiding herself away somewhere, but ultimately decides against it and goes after the woman. When she arrives she finds her sitting in the chair closest to the bed. It was the chair she had occupied when they had finally placed Ava in her own room after cleaning and stitching her up, when they got back from the mission.

Mother Superion had a contemplative look in her face while she observed the slumbering girl. “I need to have a private conversation with Ava. I own her many apologies. You can have your go at it later, Sister Beatrice. Go back to your task for now.”

She doesn’t protest or try to convince the woman otherwise. She just accepts her orders and goes back to the library. Camila is already hooking the storage unit brought by Mother Superion up to her computer and typing away on its keyboard. 

A little bit over half an hour later Mother Superion appears again, calling for Camila and Lilith saying that Ava had asked if she could talk to them, but only if they felt inclined to do so. Beatrice eagerly gets up to accompany them, but a firm hand on her shoulder pushes her back into her seat.

“You will have your turn.” Is Mother Superion’s only warning before she leaves once again.

Mary had also long left the place with her package, leaving Beatrice alone with only her tumultuous thoughts and piles of dusty books.

**VII.**

Beatrice has been driving herself near to madness in the last few days. She felt as if her failure and ineptitude were being blatantly screamed and rubbed into her face. She felt shame for not being able to protect Ava and having lost her in the middle of the battle. She was mortified by the fact she hadn't found a solution or even an answer to her current situation. And worst of all she could only feel relief that the girl was still alive and with them, completely disregarding the girl’s grief of being stuck in a bed once again. And her feelings… her constant need and urge to look and touch her as if to assure herself that she was indeed here with them yet. 

How could she face Ava taking in consideration all of that?

It was both true and not that she was avoiding Ava. She was constantly hovering, but out of sight. Constantly thinking of her and doing things for her, but never directly. She had put herself in the background out of her own troubles and apparently just hurt Ava even more. 

Consciously she knew that Ava craved contact and company, but she was surrounded by so many others, Beatrice never thought she’d notice her absence so greatly, especially since she’d been there whenever the whole team met together to spend a few moments by themselves. 

She was competent and useful. Capable in her work. Looked for whenever one of her expertises was needed. Trusted and counted on to get things done. That was all deliberate. Something she worked towards with all her might. So she would have value and not be dismissed or overlooked.

So when they came back and learned that, despite still having the Halo, Ava wasn’t fully healing herself and was reversed back to her quadriplegia, Beatrice did the only thing she knew to do. She started to work towards a goal. That goal being finding a solution to the problem and that implied many hours of research to discover what possibly could have gone wrong. Why the Halo seemed dormant and why Ava was quadriplegic again if the other times It had been depleted, Ava could still move, albeit with difficulty given her lack of core strength, and feel things below her neck.

Beatrice was just so thankful and relieved that the state she had been reversed back to wasn’t death, that every night since they came back her prayers could be resumed in words of gratitude.

It never even occurred to her that she might be missed. That her presence would be needed and desired unconditionally. That her absence would cause pain. She could never have guessed that. The shock of this little discovery was so great that she didn’t even notice the time passing, completely lost in her own head, the task at hand entirely forgotten.

She is brought back to reality again by a still misty eyed Camila, but this time, despite de insistent tears, she radiated joy. Her smile in full bloom adorning her lips. She immediately got up to meet her Sister halfway.

“Oh, sister! Oh, Bea! You won’t believe it! Actually, you will! But you won’t! I mean...” She had started and seemed to have worked herself up so much that couldn’t even organize her own thoughts.

“Breathe, Sister. What is it?” On the back of her mind she was very aware it was something related to Ava, and Camila’s inability to actually say whatever it was that happened was just building up her own anxieties.

“The Halo! It healed Ava, finally!” Camila announced joyfully, throwing her arms around Beatrice, who instinctively held her by the hip trying to keep her steady.

“She can walk again?” She freezes up feeling so many things at once she can’t fully decipher them.

“Well no.” Camila deflated a little, just enough to stop her bouncing, but still full of positive energy. “Just the cuts and bruises, but as I took off her stitches the holes left by the tread closed right away! Lilith went to tell Mother and Mary the good news! It’s not everything yet, but finally something!”

“That’s… really good news indeed. How is she? I’ll go see her now.” Beatrice announces starting to disentangle herself from Camila, but the younger girl tightens her grasp on Beatrice’s forearm stopping her from leaving.

“Oh, it’s better if you don’t go now, though.” Camila warns softly, her face a bit more calm and serious now, but the undertone of happiness still present.

“And why is that?” She feels herself slightly bristle in defensive anticipation. 

“While Lilith and I were finishing taking the stitches out Sister Inez arrived to give Ava a bath. I offered to help, but she said she and Ava already have a method figured out so she can do it by herself.” Camilla shrugged, unworried.

“Sister Inez… Since when-” Beatrice interrupts herself not really knowing where she intended to go with her question. And really not comfortable with how she felt knowing that Ava was taking a bath alone with Sister Inez.

“Wow. You really _are_ avoiding her.” There is no reprimand in Camila’s voice, but the way she says it is really telling. “Sister Inez volunteered to help with taking care of Ava’s hygiene since she helped her mom take care of her bedridden grandmother before she became a novitiate. It's only logical to leave it to someone with experience, and Ava seems to enjoy her company well enough.” This least bit sounded more provocative than informative.

Camila’s knowing looks just served to put Beatrice even more on edge. She nodded absentmindedly in a way to acknowledge what she had been told. At the same time she carefully finishes separating herself from the other Sister.

“I see… now if you may excuse me, I need to go.” and she leaves the library without another explanation and not looking back, missing completely the satisfied look in Camila’s face.

The path between the library and Ava’s room shrinks in a matter of seconds. It wasn’t even a conscious thought she simply found herself there. Not letting herself ponder too much, so doubt doesn't even have a chance to start to creep in, she knocks on the door quickly getting in without waiting for an answer. 

Sister Inez had clearly already started, it was obvious even with her averting her eyes from them. It’s also obvious that she stopped what she was doing when Beatrice entered the room.

“Sister Beatrice…” Her voice is curious yet just a bit hesitant. “Is there any problem?”

Beatrice sees that she had stood up, sees that she had been seated in ‘her’ chair. Ignoring the pang in her heart at such notion, she clears her throat, looking directly in Sister Inez’ eyes.

“Not particularly, no. But...” She searches her brain for an excuse to make the other girl leave. ”Camila was needing your help at the library.” Shoot that doesn’t make sense.

“Really? She was just here and didn’t say anything.” Inez frowned a little confused.

“Yes, I’m aware. She remembered it when she got there.” At least she sounds more confident now instead of a bumbling mess. “Don’t worry, I’ll finish with, Ava.”

“If you say so.” She gives a shrug putting the soft cotton rag she had been holding back into the basin filled with water by the feet of the bed. “I’ll see you later, Ava… Sister. Now, if you excuse me...” And with a little bow to the both of them she left the room.

A few silent seconds stretches between them. 

“Ok… cut the bullshit, what was that?” Ava is the one to break it. Her voice was slightly guarded and that hurt Beatrice more than she would have thought.

“Language, Ava… And I don’t know what you're talking about.” Beatrice approached the bed cautiously, not really looking at Ava’s partially unclothed form.

“Like I said. Bullshit. You’re pretty awful at lying. That was painful to look at.” Ava scoffs rolling her eyes. “Why are you here?” the words came out harsher than Ava intended, but well, she figured she had the right to be a little salty with Beatrice at the moment.

“I’m sorry. I suppose I might make you feel a little uncomfortable, I just wanted… I can call Sister Inez back if you’d prefer.” She was closer to the bed now, but she still wasn’t looking at Ava, she hadn’t since she entered the room.

Ava gives a long sigh and stays quiet for a while, considering what to say. “Beatrice… why you’re here? You won’t even look at me…”

“You’re… you are exposed, I didn’t think you’d feel comfortable knowing I’m…well. I’m just trying to be respectful.” Her face was completely red in her embarrassment, she half turned in Ava’s direction, but kept her eyes to the bed headboard rather than to the girl.

“I know people like to think otherwise, but there is nothing sexy in a sponge bath. You have someone that’s fucked up somehow and another person who is either being paid or willing to give care. And you told Inez you’d do it in her place when you kicked her out, so…” Noticing Bea was still hesitant she sighed again. “I really don’t mind? I mean I spent twelve years being dressed and undressed by others. I don’t have much body awareness or shame in regards to nudity. It is as it is. But really why are you here? Please tell me the truth.” Ava begged.

Beatrice finally looked at her. And she saw that rather than half naked she was pretty much exposed. Her hair was already wet and with a flowery smell. Apparently Sister Inez started the bath by washing her hair. Another blush made its way to her face, but Ava was right, it was not sexy or anything. Especially given the situation, and she started to worry Ava might catch a cold at this rate. 

She sat at ‘her’ chair and grabbed the rag. She notes it has a bit of liquid soap on it already and she carefully lathers it up. 

“I suppose I owe you some apologies.” Beatrice starts.

“Wow…” Beatrice raises her eyebrow in curiosity at Ava’s murmured interjection. “It’s just… people never actually apologized to me? Then suddenly everyone and their mother is wanting to. You even said almost the same thing as Mother Superion.”

“People never apologized to you?” Beatrice is shocked. The rag in her hand finally completely foamed up.

“Not and actually meant it.” Ava’s head gives a weird jerk that Beatrice assumes was supposed to be a shrug. “But it's kinda nice, actually. Why are you sorry, though? I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend your time with me. I know it is a lot of work and I myself am not a easy person.”

“That’s not true… exactly. And I told you you’d never be alone, you’d always have us but I…” She supposed she should start the bath already, but she really felt like she should clear this up first.

“You didn't lie about that. And I don’t think you did. It’s not impossible for someone to assume something and when actually faced with it to feel overwhelmed and not really up to the task. Especially when the ‘ _task_ ’ is something like this. I have the others so I’m not really alone and I don't blame you. So you don’t need to feel obligated or force yourself to spend time with me or… you know...” Ava flickers her eyes between Beatrice’s face and the rag in her hand. “Do anything like this.”

“But that’s the thing… I don’t feel obligated or need to force myself. Actually I force myself to do exactly the opposite.”

“You... force... yourself… to... stay away from… me?” Ava asks slowly with a look of utter confusion in her face. At Beatrice’s nod her eyes widen in surprise. “Why, tho?”

“Because of my feelings!” She forces it out. Ava asked for the truth and after everything, the girl deserved at least that.

“Your- your... feelings!?” She worried that if the girl’s eyes bulged even more her eyes might run the risk to actually pop out. “What feelings?”

“All of them!” Beatrice nearly shouts. “Of how I failed to keep you safe in the mission! How I still haven’t found a solution to this… How I… how I, despite knowing how hurt and troubled you are by being quadriplegic again, all I could feel was relief and happiness that you were alive and with us. _With me…_ ” She whispers the last two words, winding down from her brief outburst . “How could I deserve to be with you when all I did was fail you?”

“You… you feel guilty because you’re happy I’m alive!?” Ava snorts at that. “Bea, Bea… I don’t care about any of that. I still think you’re badass and amazing and too talented for your own good, but these are not the reasons I like you.” The force and sincerity in Ava’s voice makes Beatrice’s heart throb in her chest. “I like you for you. How you were always there and believed in me even when I didn't. Your patience with me. How you didn’t let me get away with things, and told me exactly what you thought of me but were never unkind. How you extended a hand to me and held me and lifted me up when I fell. You’re more than the things you can do, Bea. And it was not the things you can do that I missed.”

“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Beatrice cries. It’s the same way she cried when she read Sister Melanie’s story. Like she felt that she shouldn’t be crying, but unable to hold her emotions anyway. 

“It seems like the person you hurt the most here is yourself.” Ava pointed out. “Now that I’m thinking about this, I find this more upsetting than anything else. You need to stop thinking so little of yourself.”

“I’ll do it when you do the same.” Beatrice snorted through her tears.

“We can make this a deal, then.” Ava winks playfully, yet serious at the same time. “We watch each other’s back and remind ourselves of it if one of us ever slips up.”

“We can do that.” The sister agrees with a small nod and a growing smile.

“Wonderful, now let's get this bath over with. I can’t exactly feel it but I think it’s starting to get cold…”

Beatrice blushed again, just now remembering what she was supposed to be doing and that Ava was completely naked by her side. She also notices that she doesn’t really know what to do and when she admits this to Ava the girl just laughs and patiently explains how things are done. How she should maneuver her so she wouldn’t soak her bed and at the same time be able to clean all her body. How to better position herself so it would be easier for her to put on her clothes. And Beatrice did everything with so much care and delicacy that it was almost funny. Definitely endearing.

**VIII.**

The next morning finds Beatrice in the mess hall, lining up at the buffet table, while she piles up food for her and Ava in a tray. She knows the girl has a bit of distaste for oatmeal so she selects some fruits, cheese and bread. She is waiting to get them some warm drinks when she is approached by Sister Inez. 

“Sister Beatrice, good morning.” She greets with a warm smile.

“Sister Inez.” Beatrice nods in response. 

She hopes her smile is warm enough, she feels embarrassed by her behavior on the previous day. She should have just said that she wanted to talk to Ava in private instead of lying through her teeth. But for some reason she had been unable to approach it logically, then.

“I’m sorry if it seems I might be overstepping, but I just wanted to tell you don’t need to worry about me in relation to Ava.” Her voice is low and without malice, it was as if she really wanted to clear whatever misunderstanding she assumed to exist. The implications of her words, however, sent ice down Beatrice’s spine. But Inez continued, ignoring or entirely missing Beatrice’s newfound stiffness. “We’re just good friends. I’m thankful for how she helped me and she is a really admirable person overall if you consider everything she has gone through. And it’s hard to not be in awe of the Halo. But that’s the extent of my feelings for her. If it will make you more comfortable, I can ask to be removed from the duty of bathing her.”

For a second she only blinks at the other Sister at a loss of words. But when she notices that the girl is about to leave she calls her back. ”My behavior yesterday was very unbecoming and I apologize for it. I simply wished to talk with Ava and was worried I would lose my nerves if I waited any longer.” Beatrice reassured, and before she could stop herself, she added. “You don’t need to ask for a change of duty… but if you don’t mind me I’m willing to be of any assistance.”

“Of course, Sister.” Once again the smile was warm, but there was a glint of understanding underneath it that still ruffled Beatrice’s nerves. “I wish you a good meal.” 

And she left after that, leaving Beatrice so stumped that she almost misses the two cups filled with hot milky coffee being served to her. 

The previous day, after Beatrice and Ava's little heart to heart, they had easily resumed their day. Together. Beatrice hardly left the girl's side and, by the time of their little get together, she only had left when she went to take her own bath and to grab them food. Mary was quick to point out how glad she was they finally had gotten over their shi-, stuff… they all had agreed to have breakfast together in the mess hall the next day.

Beatrice feels like she is overthinking it while she goes back to the table she was sharing with her team, being careful enough to not spill anything. This part wasn’t hard. She had an exceptional balance. Something ingrained in her since childhood, at first due to being a child of the upper class and later on, her martial training only served to add to that. Processing the conversation she just had was much harder, however, so she just chooses to shake it from her head for now. 

Ava’s chair was pushed against the table’s head while a spot for her was open in the bench besides it, Camila was on her left and in front of them, both Mary and Lilith had already started their meal. 

“I told them to wait for you, but they rather just be rude.” Camila scoffed, making a show of her still untouched breakfast.

“Ava said we needn’t to worry.” Lilith defends herself, being backed up by Mary’s energetic nodding, after swallowing a generous bite of bread. “I was hungry. We had a morning run.”

“I just think we should use it as a time to commune…” The young nun sighed in defeat. 

“Relax, Cammie, if I had a choice I’d probably be half done with my food too.” Ava snickers, before turning to Beatrice and giving her a wink.

For some reason she almost trips and drops all their food. Thankfully she had been able to catch herself at the last second preventing such disaster. She quickly places her tray on the table however, just to be safe.

“Oh! Thank God, you didn’t get me oatmeal.” Ava brightened even more, looking at the things in their plate.

“Why are you so against oatmeal?” Mary frowned, feeling protective of her own choice in breakfast. 

“Nothing in particular… It’s just that it was pretty much the only thing they ever gave me back in St. Michael.” She answered with a frown. “The oatmeal here does looks better but I’m just… kinda done with the taste, you know?”

“They only ever served you oatmeal?” Camila looked almost outraged at the mere idea.

“Served is too generous of an expression. Pretty much shoved it down my throat. Not like I could do much to protest anyway. Once I tried to refuse and it just kind of spilled on me anyway and they refused to clean me or feed me anything else until I finished the plate… It was really gross by dinner time, but I was really hungry by then too, so…” Ava didn’t seem to notice as she spoke, as if all that was just normal and fine, that the outrage Camila had shown was now being shared by the other girls. “But no, not only oatmeal. That was for breakfast and early evening meals… Lunch and dinner were usually salty things. Like soup. Or whatever they had minced into a paste or a smashed potato texture maybe they thought me being quadriplegic meant I couldn't chew either... I think the first time I ate something solid, and that I could actually point out the exact taste, in pretty much twelve years was on the morning after I got the Halo, when I met JC. He saved me from drowning and gave me breakfast.”

“What… the actual… fuck?” Mary interjected, being immediately reprimanded by her Sisters. “No. Don’t you three give me that now. You’re telling me that… Man. No wonder you eat the way you do, or how you thought you were in love with him.” She chooses to simply say, whispering under her breath the last part.

But Beatrice did catch that and felt her chest tightening. Ava loved the boy she was with before they forced her to join them? No wonder she ran back to him as soon as she got the opportunity. _Does she still love him?_ The question rang in her head and she absentmindedly put a bit of honey and cheese in a slice of bread before offering it to Ava. 

“That’s awful, Ava.” Camila comments, but her sad tone is interrupted by a really pleased moan from Ava at the taste of the food given to her by Beatrice, who blushes slightly at the sound and the feel of Ava’s lips closing around the tips of her fingers.

“You almost drowned on the morning you got the Halo?” Lilith asked incredulously. “And you just accepted food given to you by a stranger?”

“Well he had just saved me, and I was famished. He… he was very nice, you know? Didn’t question much and helped me a lot, even when he wasn’t sure of what was going on. I spent the first two days straight awake, too scared that if I sleept I’d just go back to being dead. I only ended up sleeping because I pretty much passed out.” Ava's smile shows a bit of melancholy then. Beatrice wonders if it’s because she misses him. “I hadn't thought about him in ages, wow. It’s like a lifetime ago, isn’t it?” She chuckles at that. “But I never felt comfortable with him enough to tell him the truth. Not like I do with all of you. I mean, sure you already knew most of it already, but… I’m glad that it’s here that I’m at now.”

Beatrice tries to ignore the relief she feels washing over her. Ava was just thankful for the help he gave her in a time she was so lost and confused. She didn’t regret choosing them. 

“I still think we should give you the stranger danger talk.” Lilith joked at the girl expanse. “And teach you how to swim.”

“I’m stuck in a chair. And you were as much of a stranger as him, also looked way more scary.” Ava rolled her eyes. She felt less resentful of that fact today than she was yesterday and it was noticeable, but the Sisters decided that insisting in a positive mindset was still a must.

“When you’re not anymore then.” Beatrice suggested while Lilith just nodded in agreement. She offers a piece of fruit this time, always intercalating between feeding herself and Ava.

“We were also the ones with an answer, though.” Mary points out, but doesn’t insist much in the subject. 

Now that her grief and overbearing need for answers and revenge has been subdued, she could see a bit better Ava’s side of things and with the picture she now paints them, she doesn’t really blame her either. Don’t get her wrong, she would still avenge Shannon’s death and she still stood by everything she said to Ava back then. She just doesn’t think of her as such a selfish and self centered person anymore.

“Anyway…” Camila starts feeling the need for a change of topic. “What was that package Mother Superion picked up for you?”

“Oh! Yes, good call. They’re books of physical therapy.” Mary grins. “You said in the orphanage they never did any with you! No wonder you had pretty much noodles for arms and legs. We’ve been doing some exercises already, but I thought it would be better to have a more specialized approach to it. I’m not going to let you waste the muscles we worked so much on for you to get.”

Ava gets a bit emotional at that. It’s incredible how she would recount all the abuse she suffered without even a flinch, but the second someone showed care and love towards her she’d get immediately emotional. Looking around the table she saw in the eyes of her Sisters the same determination. They would do everything for love to be the norm in Ava’s life and not the exception. 

**IX.**

The first one to witness it is Camila. This was two days after Beatrice and Ava had finally talked. The Sister left her room in search of a cup of water in the middle of the night. Everyone was already sleeping by then. She turns into one of the largest corridors on her way to the kitchen, one that cuts through most of the building connecting the living areas with the church, when she sees it... Her. Standing there in a beam of moonlight that shone strongly through the corridor tall windows. Her light brown hair shining like golden wheat, her white nightgown, that reached to her mid calf, both reflecting the light of the moon, and her feet bare… all that gave off an aura of an ethereal being. A soft songlike hum permeates the air.

“Ava?” She wasn’t supposed to be there… she wasn’t supposed to be able to walk at all. Not yet at least. 

Unless...

The figure turns then to face her, and though she wears the face of the Halo Bearer she seems like someone… something else entirely. Its face is slack and emotionless, Its eyes shone with the light of the Halo behind them, but seemed unfocused as if looking through, never directly. Still, as It turns in her direction a warm smile shows in Its face. It’s not Ava’s smile, the eyes don’t squint as they should and the lips don’t widen as usual, but it has a warmth to it. And then like a candle being blown away the light flickers and goes out. And Ava immediately crumbles to the ground, like an empty potato sack.

“Ava!” She yells, dropping her cup, uncaring of the shattering of the glass.

Camila runs to the girl’s side, calls for her name again, more quietly this time. But as she shakes the girl and she refuses to wake, her calls become frantic and louder as they go. She checks for her heartbeat and is received to find a strong one. She almost misses the Halo’s outline dimming, but when she does see it she places her hand over it just to feel Its faint heat fading away like Its light was.

Ava had once said that the Halo was warm. Before she knew of It she had barely noticed, unaware of what was normal for one’s body to feel or not. But as she learned of Its presence more aware of It she became. How It was warmer than the rest of her body and how Its temperature would rise a bit when she used her powers. Nothing uncomfortable, but noticeable nonetheless. Since she became quadriplegic however her back had been cold. Unbeknownst to Ava she had been checking it. Not that she’d be aware of it, but Camila had noticed as much when she still needed to change her curatives. And even after It had finally healed her it still remained cold. Until now it seemed. 

The commotion she caused quickly wakes up at least half of the Abbey. The other half, however, is raised by the first one. Someone steps barefooted on the pieces of glass. There is some blood. Calls for a broom and shovel. Ava’s chair is brought over. The hurt Sister is half carried away to have her foot cleaned and wrapped. Beatrice is beyond herself with worry. As Lilith and Mary raise her from the ground and into her chair. Mother Superion keeps asking for Camila to repeat her story many times, as if expecting it to change between the retellings. And while all that happened, Ava just kept sleeping on.

A loud and sudden snore coming from the girl is just what they needed to break the tension. Mary snorted at it as soon as the sound faded, causing Beatrice to look outraged at her for a second, before she too started to relax.

“I really don’t know how long she's been here.” Camila said again to the Mother Superion with a frowny pout. “I was just going to get me some water.”

“Let’s hope we can have better answers, tomorrow.” The older Nun finally agreed.

The four Sister Warriors went together to Ava’s room, and without the need to talk to one another they all agreed to spend the rest of the night there. Even if only to make sure Ava wouldn’t go wandering again. Lilith immediately went for the armchair and was out as soon as she pulled the blanket still there over her. Mary got the loveseat and quickly made herself comfortable. The other two things in the room were the chairs, however. Not really ideal for sleeping. 

Camila tries to insist that Beatrice should share the bed with Ava. It would be a tight fit but not impossible or really that troublesome. But Beatrice would argue that she was much more used to sleeping in less than ideal places, given her field experience in long missions.

And since she is tired and Beatrice is too stubborn anyway, Camila just huffs pulling back the sheets covering Ava’s once again motionless body. She snuggles up to Ava and looks directly at the other Sister as if to rub in what she was giving up. It doesn’t take too long for Camila’s breathing to even out.

“You should have just taken it.” Mary mumbles quietly from her perch, snapping Beatrice’s attention to her.

“I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go back to sleep.” Bea shrugged. 

“At least you’d be cuddling. Shannon and I often shared that bed. It’s not too bad if you stick close together.” Her tone isn’t suggestive in any way, but it’s meaningfull. A confirmation Beatrice never thought she’d have.

It was also a reassurance. An evidence that she wouldn’t be shunned or judged. That if anything, she would most likely be understood. This little validation lifted a weight from her heart, making it feel lighter than it had in a long time.

“I’ll make sure to take it if there is a next time then.” Is all the answer she permits herself.

But Mary doesn’t need more than that. She understands, and that is enough. 

**X.**

The next morning Ava wakes with Camila draped over her and a low fever. It’s her sneeze followed by heavy coughing that wakes up the rest of the room. 

“Oh, dear Lord. Are you okay, Ava?” Camila asks sitting up on the bed and carefully placing her hand against the other girl’s temple.

She was warm to the touch and her skin glistened with sweat. Her nightgown also seemed to cling to her body.

“Ow…” Ava moaned, screwing her face. Her head felt heavy and breathing was a little hard. Her voice was also a bit nasal and it was like she had a cat trying to claw out of the throat. “Oh, wow… your hair is really curly. So pretty.” She sounds surprised and for a second her smile is really dopey, causing a warm blush to form in Camila’s cheeks. And then she has a coughing fit once again. 

She just looks miserable after that.

“I’m going to grab a water basin and towels so we can clean her.” Mary announces noticing how sweaty the girl was. “Lilith, help me. Or, actually, better yet. Go grab us some food, let's have our breakfast here today.”

They both left after greeting Ava good morning and just getting more pitiful moans as answer. 

“Bea, I’ll go to the infirmary to get a thermometer and some supplies.” Camila says as she starts to get up, disentangling herself from the sheets and Ava.

“Nooo, don’t leave me, Curly Hair.” Ava’s head drops to the side looking at Camila behind heavy eyelids. The young nun was still blushing a little and giggled at how pitiful their brave Warrior Nun sounded.

“I’ll be back soon, Ava.” Camila reassured her, sweetly caressing her damp hair. “And while I’m gone you will have Beatrice all to yourself.”

“Oh, that’s good too. I like Beatrice.” She smiled, closing her eyes with a deep sigh. Right before frowning again and sneezing, quite strongly.

Beatrice was quickly at her side, handkerchief in hand and cleaning Ava’s face. She gestures with her head for Camila to take the opportunity to leave and the girl takes it with a smile. Ava thanks Beatrice for her help, with a small and weak voice, eyes still closed and face still frowning.

So, so miserable she looked.

Beatrice was about to step back a bit when she felt something tug at her clothes. She was at Ava’s right side and with the little movement the girl had with her right hand she had grabbed her robes. Beatrice smiled at this small gesture, covering the girl’s hand with her own.

“Can you feel it?” She asks carefully while caressing the other girl's skin. Ava was warm even there, her temperature clearly elevated. 

Beatrice wondered for a second if she was sick because she apparently wandered the castle barefoot and wearing only a thin nightgown the prior night for God knows how long, or if it was due the stress her body went through, whatever that had been. Camila had talked about glowing eyes and the Halo being alight and then flickering off. Lilith also said that Ava had been glowing all over when she first arrived at the boat house to where Adriel had taken her, and her light had also suddenly flickered off back then.

“I can, but not as well as in my face.” She still hadn’t opened her eyes yet, but her head was turned in Beatrice’s direction.

Ava uncurled her fingers from Beatrice’s clothes to try and grab at her hand. The Nun smiles at the gesture, not worrying about schooling her expressions and actions for once. She sits on the bed near where Ava’s hand is and she turns it so her palm is up. She lays her hand against Ava’s. 

“I’ll move my hand up your arm, you tell me when you stop feeling it, okay?” She only gets a nod as an answer.

She doesn’t go far. As soon as Beatrice’s hand curls around Ava’s wrist the girl says she isn't feeling it any longer.

“Do it on my face too.” Ava asks, and looking up from their hands, Beatrice finally noticed she had opened her eyes again. “Going down my neck.”

She hesitates for just a second before cradling Ava’s face like she had done many times before. Her skin is damp with her sweat and warm due to her fever, but Beatrice ignores all that for the moment. She slowly starts to move her hands. Using only her fingertips she explores the other girl’s face, their eyes intensely locked together. When she touches her ears and behind them a small moan escapes Ava’s lips and for a split second Beatrice pauses. But Ava was still looking at her. Eyes begging and mouth slightly ajar. Her breathing was deep and heavy. Swallowing nothing, Beatrice gives a deep inhale and starts to move her hands again. She briefly traces Ava’s bottom lip before moving down her chin to under her jaw and then her neck. She is just past her collarbone when Ava says she can’t feel anything anymore.

For a second it’s like time has stopped and as if there are only the two of them in the world. Beatrice retreats her hands into her lap, but doesn't break their stare. It’s like a million little things are said between them, but the words are scrambled and their meaning hidden in plain sight. Only very few come forth showing their meaning to them.

Their stare is broken by the opening of the room’s door. It’s Mary and the others, each of them bringing in what they had gone to get.

“It’s better if you eat before taking any medication, but what do you want first? A bath or food?” Mary asks with her hands on her hips.

“I wish I could say food, but my hair feels really gross.” Ava mumbles. “Why I’m all sweaty? Am I dying again?”

The Sisters chuckles at the other girl’s whining. “You probably had a higher fever during the night.” Beatrice explained. 

“Have you never gotten sick?” Lilith laughs as she places her tray on Ava’s desk. She had grabbed a very light breakfast and nothing hot so she needn't to worry about anything getting cold. 

“I don’t think so? At least not like this.” Ava complains. “Maybe before the orphanage, but I don’t remember really well. And at St. Michael I was so often isolated from the others that even when some bug was going around I got spared.”

“Oh, this will be wonderful, then.” Mary said very sarcastically, already preparing herself for the incoming doom.

**XI.**

After being clean and getting some food Ava finally felt like a human being again. Her throat still itched and her voice was still a bit nasal but at least the icky feeling had passed and death didn’t seem to be looming over her any longer.

“Not that there's anything wrong with it but… why was everyone in my room this morning?” Ava asks while waiting for the thermometer to measure her temperature.

“So, you can’t remember _at all_ what happened during the night?” Mary frowned, leaning against the desk with her arms crossed.

“No…?” With how Mary was looking she felt unsure if she should admit as much. “Why you look pissed?”

“I’m not fucking pissed!” She did, however, feel partially outraged at the suggestion.

“Language you two, I have to agree with her here. You kind of look like it.” Lilith agreed from her armchair. She had let go of a lot of her poise since coming back from the dead, it specially manifested during their leisure time together, such as now where she had her legs pulled up in her seat. 

She was holding the cruciform sword with her and iddlely played with it. She wanted to see how the blade would react to Ava. When they had got back from that mission not one piece of divinium they had was reacting to the Halo. The usual blue glow was completely missing. Now, however, there was a very small bluish shine to it. It was growing weaker as the day went on, but when she had first arrived in the room with it, it was brighter, although not as it used to be. The glow had also been pulsing in an ever slowing rhythm instead of the usual steady light. They didn’t know what that could mean, but it sure was interesting.

“Well, I’m not.” Mary huffed.

Right then, Beatrice takes the thermometer from Ava, interrupting any sort of discussion that might have started between the three of them. “38°C. You still have a fever. We will keep measuring it every few hours to be on the safe side.” She passed it to Camila who quickly cleaned it and stored it in its case. Both of them were sitting in the bed with Ava each at one of the girl’s sides. “It’s better if we give her the Anti-Inflammatory, besides the cough syrup and decongestant.”

“On it!” Camila smiles, already popping the pills and grabbing for a cup. Mary hands it to her when she notices that Camila’s hand was just short of reaching it. “Thanks, sister.”

After having the pills swallowed down Ava gives a deep sigh. “I’m just happy it’s not a injection.” She chuckles, but it’s oddly mirthless.

“Why, are you scared of needles?” Mary snorted. “I’d think that not feeling most of your body would have made you immune to this type of fear.”

“Well… last time someone gave me an injection I ended up dead.” Ava deadpanned. “And then I caught the same person who did it to me trying to do the same with my roommate from the orphanage, and then she tried to kill me again with it. So… it’s not needles I'm afraid, but the idea of an injection doesn't really agree with me lately.”

“ _What!?_ ” All of them say. Except for Mary, who adds some expletives to her outburst.

“Why is that every time you talk about that damn place more shit come out? And why the fuck you never told us about that?”

“Well… That second time she tried to kill me was pretty much just when I noticed how I actually died. I was going to board that ferry with JC that night, but something felt off, like I was forgetting something.” The odd detachment that filled Ava’s voice when she shared with them something about her time before the Halo was missing this time. She wasn’t emotional but sounded strung up, her voice a little tight. “That’s when I remembered it, Sister Frances giving me an injection as she told me how I was about to age out of the orphanage…” She gives a slight shake of her head as if trying to drive the memory away, before schooling her voice again. “Anyway, I got there just in time to save Diego. Discovered that she killed so many kids that same way she couldn’t even remember how many. She injected me with whatever she had again… I- I ended up killing her…” Ava inhaled sharply. “Like, I killed a fucking Nun. I mean she did kill me once… and tried a second time but… And _then_! I leave the orphanage and Lilith tries to kill me too. So sorry if it completely went over my head to tell you guys how _shitty_ my life was.” She finishes her little story and emotional rollercoaster in a straight voice, as if she had just been talking about the weather.

Lilith looked appropriately guilty in her perch, but she knew Ava wasn’t trying to hurt her or anything by bringing that up again. She wouldn’t blame if she was either way. Beatrice was holding one of Ava’s unfeeling hands with a white knuckled grip and Camila looked completely horrified.

“Man, I’ve said that once, but I’ll say again.” Mary started looking straight at Ava, who looked a little confused at her. “I still stand by what I said back then, but man I could have cut you some slack. No wonder you were running from us.”

“What an awful place! How could they not know... How could they let things like that happen?” Camila asked outraged eyes damp with unshed tears. 

“It’s orphans, no one cares unless there are babies, and St. Michael didn’t house babies or toddlers. Out of sight out of mind.” Ava said with a head jerk in place of a shrug. “It was my life for twelve years. If you think about that, dying was the best thing to happen to me. Even though I didn't wish for it. Even then.”

“I honestly can’t tell if you're pessimistic or the opposite.” Beatrice says with a sigh.

“I like to think of myself as realistic.” Ava said cockily with a smirk, breaking a bit of the tension in the room.

The Sisters ultimately decide to change the subject, they couldn’t change whatever happened already. Camila promised herself to try and do something about the orphanage, even if it was just some sort of complaint. St. Michael was run by a Nunnery and they did have direct contact with the Pope. Even if he didn’t really like them… Maybe she could annoy him with it like she does about his attempt at taking control of the OCS and the missing gear.

**XII.**

They don’t spend the role day in Ava’s room, but they do spend it together. Mary insists in doing some exercises even with Ava being sick, but light ones, they actually were more of a sort of massage than anything. And Camila still gives her some basic lessons, but ultimately decides to stop when she notices the girl is having a hard time keeping concentrated.

Actually Ava looks a bit loopy even. They were at an isolated corner of the library. Mary was cleaning and reassembling her shotguns while Lilith slightly assisted her, handing her every once and again, a tool or a piece. Beatrice and Camila, after she forfeited the idea of teaching Ava anything at the moment, were going over books trying to find whatever lead on what could be happening with the Halo.

Some theories had been made. Such as Adriel placing a curse on it, or turning it off somehow. But considering that It healed Ava again and what happened the prior night… They weren’t so sure, maybe the curse, if that was what this was, was weakening somehow. Or it was some kind of security measure started by the Halo, trying to protect Itself. Nothing even similar to what was happening has been mentioned in any book they had researched already, but there were still some left. Lots of them actually.

The Sisters were all so busy they weren’t really noticing how droopy Ava’s eyes were getting and how dopey was the permanent smile on her lips. Her gaze had been wondering the Nuns coming and going, in and out of the library. They mostly left their group alone, but every now and then, when one or another noticed Ava looking at them, they would smile and wave in greeting without approaching. Ava would widen her smile and wave back. At least she thought she did. Her head felt a little weird, a bit hazed… But oh, so light too. It’s like she was floating! 

_Wait, was she actually floating? She had done that before hadn’t she?_

“Wha'zzit with nuns an’ bein’ hot?” Ava asks suddenly, voice slurring and lazy. She still wasn’t looking at them. 

“Excuse me?” Lilith snapped her head up, the little spring she was playing with was sent flying, but with instinctive and quick reflexes, Beatrice easily caught it before it could be lost forever under some bookshelf.

“What the actual fuck?” Mary as always was way less succinct. She received reprimands from her Sisters, as usual. And chose to ignore them, as usual. 

“A.. I mean… look-it Inesh, she has dis… all dis dots… like po- polka dots, but so small all over her face. An’... An’ her hair… her hair iss all red and fire. She is tiny, but like can totes kick you, y’kno?” In her head Ava was wildly gesticulating it, giving it emphasis in all the right places. In reality her head just turns to them in a jerky droopy movement. 

Her eyes aren't really focused, but she was clearly talking to them.

“What did you give her!?” Beatrice pretty much hissed, asking Camila with urgency.

“It was just cough syrup and the other usual cold medications. I swear!” Camila, looked wide eyed at her.

“No, seri- sireos- serio-... really… Like. There’s Camila. Shees cute y’kno? All full of joy an’ pretty smiles. Make you feel warm an’ nice. Her hair is so fluffy an’ I really like her eyebrows.” Ava just keeps going not really aware with whom she was talking whit and much more worried about making her point.

“Did you spike her drinks, Mary?” Lilith narrowed her eyes. Mary had helped Ava to have her drinks a few times that day. And it wasn’t unheard of of her and Ava sharing an alcoholic drink every now and then.

“What? Fuck no!” Mary exclaimed, feeling offended. “She is sick and medicated! For fuck’s sake.”

“An’ Lilith can totes kill you, aac- ac ac-tually tried to kill me... t’wice... I think?” Ava continued, cutting any type of scolding Mary might have gotten due to her colorful vocabulary. “Maybe more… we tight now tho, like bros. No, wait! Like sisss, sissies…? Sis. But she’s real hot, all serious warrior and sharp face... amazin' cheeks... _But_!” She raises her voice a bit then.

“Shut her up!” Lilith growls, blushing more than any of them had ever seen her do. “No, it’s just starting to get good.” Mary said immediately after. “You know you’re probably next right?” Was shot back almost immediately. “Yeah. I’m just getting some material here.” The older girl answered. Their conversation happens in rapid succession, but still is unable to smother Ava’s voice as she continues making her point. 

“But when she feels vulnerable an’, an’, or scared you just want to pick ‘er up and bundle ‘er up inna hug. She'd never let me do that tho, so I jus’ make fun of ‘er face. _Shhhh_. Don't tell her I said so.” Her voice had gone down again and she is almost trying to whisper that last part, staring straight at Lilith’s face, looking as serious as she was able to.

She sustains the stare and Lilith is at a complete loss of words, while Mary just poorly tries to hold in her laugh. She is not saying anything else, just looking at Lilith as if waiting for something. Lilith slowly nods her understanding, unsure of what else to do. But that seemed to be exactly what Ava was waiting for because once again her eyes lose a bit of focus and she restarts her spiel. 

“What does it say on that syrup leaflet?” Beatrice can be heard in the background asking Camila, who tried to divide her attention between the leaflet and what Ava was saying.

“It says it can cause a bit of drowsiness and confusion… and other problems more related to allergic reactions, but…” Camila tries to come up with the right words.

“She just sounds high as a kite.” Mary supplies still fully amazed. 

“Ther’s Mary then. Who’s so baddass!” Ava just keeps going after getting her confirmation that no one would tell Lilith anything. “So pretty _even_ when she’s all serious an’ she’s all no nonon nonsense an’ its make really easy t’want to trust her.” She pauses, breathes in, for a second seems like she will stop there, and then picks up again as if she hadn’t stopped. “Even tho she kicked me off a cliff. A very tall cliff. Took me good part of an hour to heal all back.” Ava pouted, but suddenly was smiling again. “An’ when she looks sad she jus look like those cute puppies! But _shhh_ don’t tell ‘er that too.” 

Mary almost looked offended at that, but unlike before she didn’t wait for a reassurance of their silence. She just kept going. 

“An’ Beatrice!” She gasps, pronouncing the girls name surprisingly well given how slurred most of her words sounded. Beatrice herself almost jumps at the sudden call of her name, stiffening herself to whatever was to come. “Don’ let me start’on Bea! She’s so refined, she looks so regal. She’s deadly ,but so soft! ‘er hugs are awesome! I miss feeling them. An’ she is so beautiful. ‘er little smiles ar jus the best! I think if I ever see ‘er laughing fer real I'll actually die! Again!” She also spouts all that at an incredible fast pace considering her state, as if she wouldn’t have the time needed to say everything she needed otherwise. “Y’kno, I did die once.” She makes sure to tell them, so they can really grasp her meaning. “An’ the way she holds my face is like... I finally have a reason to exist!” 

Ava sighs, replaying as well as she could in her fuzzy head all the moments she had shared with Beatrice, while the girl in question feels like she could explode at any moment now, with how red she was.

“Wow…” Camila says in wonder, looking between the deeply embarrassed Beatrice and the dreamy looking Ava.

“That was…” Lilith tries to find the words.

“A lot.” Mary finished for them. “Sweet, but _a lot_.” 

“So... how come nuns ar so hot?” Ava goes back to her initial questioning. It’s quite surprising she can still recall it at all. “I mean, not the ones I grew up with, they ‘ere creeps, and evil… and old.” She pauses and her brows furrow a bit then. “Tho, Mom Superion is a total snack too.” She announces suddenly breaking her own silence, causing something akin to a coughing fit between all of them.

They’re brought out of it by the clearing of a throat and an arched eyebrow that almost sends them on a repeat of the previous situation.

“I was informed that our Halo Bearer was sick.” _Mom_ Superion herself, says before gesturing to the girl in question, that now intensely stared at her. “Yet…” 

“It’s just some side effects from the cold medication, Mother…” Camila tried to explain, with a just barely forced grin, while in the background Ava continued to stare, eyes fixed in Mother Superion’s direction.

Maybe she had started to sober up?

“I can really dig the scar.” She announces suddenly as if she just remembered of it, shattering any hope that she had finished running her mouth. “Giv’off a mysterious vibe. An’ she can kick ass too!” Ava gasps as if she just had been enlightened. “Maybe it's jus the OCS nuns…? Izzdat like a… prereq- pre-... condition? Not only bein’ hot but bein’ awesome too?” And then, sounding more sober than she had since she started this whole speech, she adds: “The fuck I'm doing here then?” 

The question sobers them all up a bit. Even Mother Superion had a small frown on her face at the obvious layers of self doubt and low self esteem that last bit implied.

“Well, Ava, I’m guessing that if you’re here, it’s because you have exactly all that’s needed.” Mother Superion says trying to sound as conversationally as possible. 

“You think so?” Her voice is surprisingly small at that moment.

“Yes. It wouldn’t be possible otherwise.” Mother Superion reaffirms with a seriousness of someone who had reached that conclusion after hours of deep thinking. Her partially concealed smile shows her amusement, however.

“Ok, then. If you’re saying.” Ava accepts easily, closing her eyes.

The next sound that comes out of her is a snore.

Mother Superion didn’t scold them, just asked that next time anything new happened to their Warrior Nun that she should be warned, instead of having to discover it through the rumor mill. They quickly agree, before moving the slumbering girl out of the library. It would be best if she spent the rest of the day resting anyway.

And rest she did. Only waking up to eat, take her medicines and to be cleaned. Beatrice for the first time truly pays attention to Inez, as they wash Ava together and she feels like she has to agree. Her freckles and face were really charming, if a bit mousy, and although she was roughly the same height as Ava she had a lithe build, making her look more frail than she actually was. She blushes when the Sister catches her asking why she looked so much at her with an unoffended smile.

Beatrice says the truth. Not only because that was her usual habit, but also because the last time she tried to lie to Sister Inez it didn’t really… go well exactly. “Ava was a little high with cold medication earlier.” She starts after noticing that the girl in question was more asleep then awake at the time. “And she was saying that she found your freckles cute. Although she did call them little polka dots.” They chuckle together at that. “I was just thinking that I agree with her.” 

Now that Beatrice felt like she finally had been able to let go of her jealousy, again, not that she had been calling it by name, she felt that she could enjoy Inez's company much more easily. And the girl was surprisingly enjoyable. Kind of like Camila in some ways, but with a less innocent air about her. Not that Camila was naive in any way, even though people usually assumed so.

The team had agreed that it was better if someone remained with Ava during the night, at least for now. They also left socks on Ava’s feet so if she did somehow get up and escape whoever was with her that night she wouldn’t be walking barefoot at least. 

The first person to spend the night with her was Mary. There was no particular reason, but she had volunteered for it. Beatrice had the suspicion that she wanted to take advantage of Ava’s still heavily medicated brain to gather as much material as possible for teasing any of them later. 

**XIII.**

Mary isn’t able to get anything else from Ava that night, the girl was so sleepy she barely did anything after they came back from diner Mary just had the time to help her with brushing her teeth before the girl was out. She reads a bit more on the books she got on physiotherapy. There were some quite interesting things that she had even been trying on herself. They really helped with the numerous healing pains she had accumulated over the years in her line of work. She doesn’t go to sleep that long after Ava, however.

It’s not much after midnight that Mary wakes up to the noise of rustling sheets, the creak of old wood and…

“Hey, babe.” The voice is Ava’s but the tone… “Don’t tell me you finally became a heavy sleeper?”

She blinks her eyes open. It’s the second night of the full moon so the room is lit in it. It’s bluish light so strong that she almost had to squint at it. In the bed, rather than sleeping and laying down, Ava was sitting up and wide awake. But it wasn’t Ava. Not really. The posture, the smile… they were familiar somehow.

“Who are you?” Mary said, suddenly alert. She had her shotguns propped by the loveseat’s side, the familiarity was comforting, but she resisted the instinct to relax.

Mary suspects that whatever happened the previous night was happening again, but Ava’s eyes weren’t glowing, the look in them just was clearly not hers, however.

“Forgot about me already, love?” The teasing smile and the way it shaped the lips was exactly what made it click to Mary. “Can’t have been that long… Not that I can really tell, but you look just the same.” The way she looks at her so full of love and longing, the cadence of her words. “That one is new, thought.” She points to her own eyebrow, making a note of a scar Mary acquired during their Vatican fight.

“Shannon?” Mary can barely let the word out, as she gets up and moves to the foot of Ava’s bed, half climbing on it, shotgun completely forgotten. She knows it already, she isn’t wrong. She’d recognize Shannon no matter how but she can’t stop herself from asking for some sort of confirmation.

“You always were the smart one, aren’t you?” She shortens the gap between them a bit. “I’m so sorry, Mary. I left things in a mess, didn’t I?”

“No… you have no blame in it! Just... how?” Mary finishes closing in, her knees bumping into Shannon’s.

“I’m not so sure, actually.” Shannon says pondering for a moment. “I know this is not my soul. Not exactly. It’s like a piece of it that is kept by the Halo and I and every other Halo Bearer that came before me are part of It. A left over from our dying moments. Maybe it’s just a consequence of carrying the Halo. Or it’s so we can be guides to the next one. I just know that there were times… that I could do things I never really learned, times where I felt that I wasn't moving my body alone.” She tries to explain as best as she can.

“But, How did you get to...possess? Take over her body. Why now?” Mary feels compelled to ask, feeling her eyes water with her overflowing and contradictory emotions. So happy, yet so hurt this hadn’t been done sooner somehow. “We could have done with your help earlier…” The chuckle she lets out is somehow both sincere and forced.

“My time is finished, Mary. I wish I could have had more time with you. But I’m really gone.” Shannon sighs understandingly, she caresses Mary’s face the same way she had done so many times before, and although Mary feels the urge to pull Shannon and just kiss her, the fact that she is wearing Ava’s face, no matter how different their expressions are, puts a halting stop on it. “I don’t know how or why now. I just know that I felt you, and then I woke up and I saw you and couldn’t stop myself from calling to you. I’m so sorry I left the way I did. I should have told you more, talked to you, trusted you more.”

“It’s okay, babe…” Mary let her tears fall, resting her forehead against Shannon’s just sharing her breath with her, that she could do, that was enough.

“It’s not. I could have spared you so much heartache and worry.” Shannon sighs. ”I thought if I kept quiet about it, I could have found a way to solve it by myself, not having to endanger any of you. And in the end it almost got all of you killed. And… is Lilith dead? Why isn’t she the next Halo Bearer?” She pulls her head away a bit so they can look at each other's eyes.

“You did what you thought was best. I won’t say that I wouldn’t have preferred if you had told us… me what was going on because I’d be lying then, but… I can understand it.” She reassured the other woman looking straight into her. “Lilith is alive… somehow? A lot happened in the last six months.”

“Why don’t you catch me up while we catch up on some lost cuddling time?” Shannon suggested with a winner smile. The kind of smile that always got Mary to do anything she asked of her. “I’ve been suspended in time, unaware of its passage and yet, I miss you so much.”

“We better get comfy then, babe, because shit really went down after you were gone.” Mary chuckles when her expletive gets nothing more than an eye roll from the other woman. Shannon, unlike the other Sisters, had long given up to the notion that she’d get Mary to stop cussing.

Following Mary’s suggestion they position themselves on the bed. Shannon’s back to Mary’s front as they spooned as they always used to. The body that is shaped against hers, the smell, the texture of the skin, it is all obviously different from what MaRY remembers, but the way she positions herself, the way she holds the arms that circle her, it’s all so clearly Shannon that her heart swells and tighten all at the same time.

They share stories late into the night. Starting to how the door exploded, tossing Lilith to the ground, how the surgeon who had removed the Halo from her back had run for it and tried to hide the Halo inside a dead body for protection, just for that body to rise from the dead and walk away.

“Wait… the Halo fully resurrected this girl?” Shannon was incredulous. They’d never heard of something such as that. “Is that why it feels so weird to move this body? I thought it was just because it wasn’t mine.”

“Well, maybe it’s that. Or maybe it’s the fact that Ava was paralised from her neck down for the most part of the last 12 years.” Mary chuckled. “She is quite a handful you will note, but she really has done some crazy shit from day one.”

“You’re fond of her…” Shannon notes. She doesn’t sound jealous or hurt. There is actually even some wonder in her voice.

“She is a little shit that actually grows on you. When you see it's happening it’s already too late.” Mary scoffs in fake annoyance, but Shannon knows her more than anyone else, more than even herself sometimes.

“You got yourself a little sister.” Shannon teases. “You have always been one to take in strays… I can still remember Mother Superion’s face when she found out about that dog.”

“Don’t joke! I really did think she’d kill it for a second.” They share a laugh together before Mary continues her story.

She tells about Duretti, how he manipulated Lilith, how he brought back the rejected nun and put the sisters against each other, her chase after Ava, how she and Beatrice had been kicked from Cat’s Cradle. And how Ava came back. She told of Lilith's death and return to life. How she was different, but still herself. She told of Adriel and their mission in the Vatican. And of these three months since then. And Shannon listened and commented as she saw fit.

“I can’t believe all that happened in so little time. I can’t believe Beatrice…! Did she really...?”

“Came out to me?” Mary scoffed nuzzling against the back of Shannon’s neck feeling like she was starting to lose to sleep. “Not in as many words, but the meaning was clear.” She yawned as she spoke.

“Sleep, Mary.” Shannon tells her sweetly.

“I don’t want to miss you.” Mary complained, pulling them even closer together.

“I’ll always be with you. And this time I had with you was more than I ever could hope for.” Shannon says warmly, caressing the arm that encircled her. “You’d miss your little sister too much, anyway…”

“As much as I miss you.” She admits, her voice lowering as sleep starts to take hold of her.

“She was the one to get the second chance… And I have a feeling that it’s somehow thanks to her that I even got this little moment, and that’s enough.” Shannon luls her into slumber like she has always been able to do. “I love you, Mary.”

“Love you too, Shannon. Really do.” Mary answers instinctively, already more asleep than awake.

Mary doesn’t see when Shannon leaves, she doesn’t notice the body snuggled against hers go slack in a way that’s not from sleep. She doesn’t know how long it was passed when she is awakened again. 

Ava woke up in an unexpected situation. She is lying on her side and there are arms clearly wrapped around her. She can tell, not because she feels it, but she can see them. And she recognizes them too. The color of the skin, the shape of the hand, the bracelet around the wrist.

“Mary…” Ava calls uncertain, getting a grunt for an answer. “Why am I on my side and why are you spooning me?”

“Shannon was possessin’ you or somethin’ and we snuggled.” Mary responded sleepily, and not moving away.

“Oo-kaay…?” She half agrees and half asks, unsure of what to make of the information.

“Shhh… sleep now. Talk later.” The command was groggily given, and soon followed by a breathy snore indicating that whatever conversation was going to be left for later.

Not having much choice other than to agree, Ava quickly fell asleep too, not really minding the proximity from the other girl, who usually was much more restrained when it came to her personal space.

To say Beatrice was surprised to find them spooning the next morning was an understatement. 

**XIV.**

They were all in Mother Superion’s office, after having glossed it over with Beatrice when she went check on them in the morning only to find Mary and Ava all cozy in bed. 

“Chill, Bea, I’m not trying to steal your girl.” That line had affected Ava way more than Beatrice… and way more than it should’ve.

“I’m not worried about that. Just curious at how this came to be.” Beatrice had given the most dignified scoff that Ava had ever seen. And Ava can’t understand why but a blush takes over her cheeks at such observation. 

“So you’re not the jealous type then?” She honest to God smirks. It was so easy to fall back into old defense mechanisms. Make jokes, be a little shit, get your small victories whatever they may be. If it fails, just convince yourself it was a small victory, rinse and repeat.

Thankfully, or not, the only response she gets is an eye roll. From both women in the room with her.

“We should have this conversation with everyone.” Mary says. She was already up. She had gotten up the second after Beatrice found them, stretching her limbs and muscles like a predator. “That’s what we agreed after all.”

And that’s how they all got here, some even still in their sleepwear. Just Camila, Ava and Mary, really. But Mary’s sleepwear was like old comfy clothes and she definitely looked more awake than the other two. It was her that told them everything. Like the other times Ava had little to no memory of it. But the way Mary described Shannon made Ava wonder…

“And you’re sure it was Sister Shannon?” _That_. But it had been Mother Superion, the one to voice that worry.

“I’d recognize Shannon anywhere and in anything.” Her voice is firm and unyielding. So sure of her heart’s knowledge. “She made it sound like it was something that Ava permitted, not something that she forced to happen.” She adds almost as an afterthought.

All eyes turn to Ava then.

“Well, sure I thought once or twice that if it was possible for you to talk to her, maybe you should but…” Ava stops briefly trying to reorganize her thoughts. “You see, Diego was really into Avatar back then, and the idea of being able to commune with past Halo Bearers kinda crawled into my head after that dream I had… But now I wonder…”

“Wonder what? What dream?” Camila frowned. She was at the edge of her seat, face frowning, legs bouncing… she really didn’t seem to be much of a morning person. At least not before her morning tea. 

“If it really was Shannon in my dream. Maybe it was just a dream. Or maybe…” She pauses and looks at them all before swallowing and starting to talk very slowly. “Now, you may get a little upset with me, that I haven’t told you about this before. But let me remind you that a lot has happened since then and I really just kind of forgot.”

“What exactly have you forgotten to tell us about miss Silva?” If words could burn, Mother Superion would have made her catch on fire just then.

“Adriel seems to have… or used to have... a connection with the Halo? Back in the Vatican it was like he could read my mind like he was inside me. But the Shannon you describe and the one I saw on my dream, a dream I had at arq-Tech, are so different that it makes me wonder if it wasn’t a trick played by him. I mean it did result in us freeing him.”

“Adriel can get into your fucking mind and you haven’t told us?” Mary asked, looking really pissed.

“Can... could? I don’t know!” Ava whined, before sobering up a bit and trying to make sense of her own thoughts. “On the first few days after the battle maybe, but since the dreams started, the me being dead ones, he became further and further away. And after that day in the boat house, not a touch of it. I mean back in the tomb he did try to yank the Halo out of me. He just reached into me and grabbed it with his hands, but on the boathouse he tried to claw my back open to get to it… I thought at first he just wanted to make it hurt more. He also didn’t talk into my head… just at me.” 

“He might be losing his connection to it, somehow, is what you mean?” Beatrice's voice brings her back to the present and away from the traumatic scene replaying in her head. “You think your dream with Sister Shanon was his doing?”

“She was so… imposing, yet broken somehow. Like she was fighting something still… something I couldn’t see.” Ava answers, unsure if these were the right words to really describe what happened.

“You said…” Lilith says, addressing Mary first and then the rest of the room. “Sister Shannon told you that a piece of her was kept by the Halo in her dying moments. Maybe rather than just creating something out of nothing, he just used what was already there and manipulated it to whatever he wanted…”

“And she was probably also fighting it. That's why she looked in pain.” Ava finished.

“That… asshole, the more I hear about him the more I want to dispatch him just straight back to hell.” To use Shannon, even if just a piece of her that way… Mary growled in righteous fury. 

“Language, Sister.” Beatrice reprimanded. “But I do agree with the sentiment.”

“We’re thrusting that last night really was Sister Shannon and only Sister Shannon?” Mother Superion brought them back to the matter at hand.

“I told you. That _was_ Shannon. I’d know if it wasn’t.” Mary insisted, sounding almost forceful. “But why now and how I can’t really tell you.”

“Well given that Ava seems to naturally have the gift of prophecy through her dreams it isn’t much of a stretch to assume she is more in touch with the spiritual and the divine while asleep. And the Halo does enhance one's own abilities instead of just bestowing powers onto them.” It’s Camila who brings forth the idea. 

She was the one more sure than everyone that Ava always had been somewhat gifted even if she had been unaware and untrained into using said gifts. Beatrice wasn’t much behind in said belief even though she had more restraint in voicing them. She felt like the biggest reason for her belief in this was selfish, for if Ava was really God’s chosen it was only inevitable that she were to love her, to fall for her.

“That still doesn't explain why now. And what exactly it was that you saw, Camila.” Lilith argues.

“And Mary didn’t see any glowing eyes or anything of the sort.” Ava also points out. 

“Ok, hear me out. I have a theory.” The young nun says, clearing her throat and repositioning herself in her seat, obviously preparing herself for a speech. “Ava has done things that no other Warrior Nun has achieved before. For one, she was resurrected, the Halo’s gifts came easily to her even though she had no training… I think not only she is truly chosen, but the Halo itself has taken a liking to her, weakening the hold Adriel has on it. It's accepted that It has sufficient sentience to reject or accept someone so…”

“It’s not that far fetched.” Lilith hums in agreement. “But still that doesn’t explain much…”

“Yes, I'm getting there.” Camila huffs at the interruption, but quickly pats at Lilith’s hand to soften the blow when she sees the almost offended look at the other nun’s face. “Adriel probably noticed that he was losing his touch with the Halo. That’s why he isolated you, tried to get into your head.” She says pointing at Ava and looking at her. “He might have tried to do something to, like, reset the Halo, somehow? And maybe break Ava’s connection to it. But I don’t think he was able to finish or do it well enough, something was obviously done…” 

“But Ava is still connected to the Halo. It took a few days, but it healed her.” Beatrice says, looking thoughtful, apparently getting where Camila wanted to go with it. “Whatever he did isn't permanent, that much is obvious. But I don’t think this paralysis has anything to do with the Halo being powerless.”

“Neither do I. I always got the impression that Ava only got all weak after depleting the Halo because of lack of core strength.” Mary feels like she had said that a million times already. “She’d been able to keep herself up lately and never lost her feeling of touch so this here is different.”

“Yes. And I think that’s Adriel’s doing. To get into Ava’s head to weaken her link to the Halo, to make Ava doubt it.” Camila was now animated, seeing them going with her line of thought, and she eagerly looked at them.

“So it would be easier for him to steal it back…” Lilith says keeping up with them. 

“But you guys said that it wasn’t rejecting me.” Ava tries to argue, starting to feel unsure about it again. “That the only thing I needed was time. And I believed you guys. At least, I am starting to.”

Mother Superion looked at them in silence, letting the young women speak their mind. There was much they didn't understand about the Halo. It’s a divine artefact after all, beyond human understanding, but they could work with assumptions and theories, especially when it was all they had. 

“Yes, and that’s where I get back to my point.” Camila continued, speaking directly to Ava at this point. “You’re gradually undoing whatever Adriel did, every time you worked through your feelings, recognized and accepted them... your connection with the Halo was strengthened again. The Halo is also recuperating from whatever it was done to It, and if you’re more susceptible to the Divine while asleep it’s only fitting that that’s when It gets to work. You’re the one with the paralysis currently, not your body. That’s why when Sister Shannon possessed you, for lack of a better word, she could move, yet you still can’t.” 

“Still… the glowy eyes? What was that?” Mary does the favor to remember them. She didn’t like the word possession, not in this context. It made it sound like something forced, something taken, something like a wraith, something completely not like Shannon. Besides, Shannon had said she could only visit because Ava somehow permitted it, and Ava herself had said that if possible she wished to give them the opportunity to talk..

“Well… I think that was the Halo Itself, and not someone. It is sentient after all.” Camila finally said and looked at all of them in expectation.

“Okay, now you lost me, sweetheart.” It’s Mary that breaks the silence.

And an argument seemed to be starting to form on the tip of the young nun’s tongue when Ava interrupted it. “Did It sing?”

“I think I recall some humming as if I was hearing a choir from very far away.” Camila slowly nods with a thoughtful look about her face.

“Oh.”

“Does the Halo sing?” Beatrice asks, curious, awed and so soft looking straight into Ava’s eyes.

“Constantly.” The girl admits. “Used too at least. I miss it. It took me some time to place it. At first I thought it was my body, the things I couldn’t feel before. But it would get louder and clearer when I used my powers. It was comforting. As was the warmth.”

They don’t really come to a conclusion at that point. Ava’s little reveals sure give them some perspective and Camila’s theory starts to sound a little more coherent. But like many things to do with the Halo they’ll probably have to wait and see. Beatrice says that she’d try to look for it. Accounts of past Halo Bearers reaching out or even temporarily taking over the body of the current one. She figures that this will be more fruitful than their current research has been.

It had been such a convoluted morning… they were just now going for breakfast and probably would get only the leftovers of it while the Sister on kitchen duty that morning already had started to clean and tidy things up. So it’s not surprising that it took this long for any of them to really notice or comment on it. On the fact that, apparently, Ava’s cold was all gone.

“Oh I didn’t know it came and went so fast. Those meds must have been good.” Ava jokes.

“It doesn’t. The usual cold lasts for around 7 to 10 days in an adult.” Beatrice frowned as she fussed, checking again for Ava’s temperature. “It must have been the Halo. Are you sure you don’t have a sore throat or any congestion in your airways?”

“I’m fine, really.” The girl leaned into the touch, unconsciously giving a sigh of contentment. 

“I’ll still keep an eye on that.” Beatrice huffed, even though her previous assessing touch had clearly turned into a caress. 

The two girls are only brought out of it by a throat clearing and Mary deadpan look and a pointed look in the direction of their food, completely forgotten and at the Sisters patiently waiting for the five of them to finish their breakfast.

Beatrice blushed when she noticed them giggling. She wasn’t wrong before. Ava destroyed them, their walls, their facades… But she also put them together again, building something new and so much better. Oppen yet safe. 

**XV.**

Lilith took the second night.

The day had been tiring. Since Ava was better and they were convinced now more than ever that soon she’d be up and walking again, Mary went beyond herself in the physical therapy exercises she had planned for Ava. The girl's complaints had become so loud at some point that other Sisters had come to watch. 

At some point some even joined and asked Mary if she knew anything that could help with their own sores and old battle injuries. It had been such a great hit that Mother Superion approached Mary to talk about it. Maybe it would do good for the OCS to have an actual Physical Therapist. The Sisters Warriors often suffered injury both in and out of the field. They had plenty of reports on them archived, after all. Just their personal infirmary often proved insufficient and their injuries too great and complicated to explain at any given hospital.

“Oh, look at that, something good actually came out of you being a brat.” Mary had joked, nudging her on the shoulder.

The day progress and Beatrice is indeed having an easier time finding reports and mentions on past Halo Bearers _visiting_ \- they had been sworn out of the word possession, by Mary - current ones than on Adriel’s true nature or an explanation to what was going on with the Halo and Ava recently.

And before any of them can truly notice it’s night time already and the Sisters are all starting to retreat to their own room. Sister Inez had left a while back and Beatrice still lingered retelling them whatever she had found for the moment. Most talked about past Halo Bearers taking over fights or assisting during one, or meeting within dreams. Noting as complex as Ava’s...

“Beatrice, you can go. I doubt that anyone who comes through, if someone even decides to do so, will make me want to jump Ava bones.” Lilith scoffed already curled up in her armchair.

“First, hey! Second Mary didn’t jump on my or Shannon’s bones, we had a three way cuddle that I was mostly unaware of.” Ava snorted at this point. “And third, I’m actually really surprised that you know that expression Sister Lilith… might find myself reevaluating my impression of you.” She only gets an eye roll from Lilith, not even a little banter. Ava pouts at that.

“Again. Not what I'm worried about.” Beatrice is sitting on the bed, on the opposite side from Lilith, she is absentmindedly patting the girl’s hair, carding her fingers through it’s strands every now and then. “I do worry about the toll it may cause to your body, nevertheless.”

“It seems to be helping actually...” It sounds almost like a question coming out of the younger girl. “Like, it healed my cold… and I can move my right hand better.” she pinches the nearest thing to her hand, that happens to be Beatrice’s thigh, as proof.

The surprised squeak and Lilith snort at the usually collected Nun breaks whatever tension that tried to form. Sadly it also meant Beatrice getting up and leaving after wishing both of them a good night. If anyone noticed the lack of denial of certain implied things, no comment was made.

There is only silence for a while, but girls are comfortable in sharing it, which was rather surprising, actually. Especially considering Ava’s usual unrest. And it’s not her that breaks it either, but Lilith. “I wanted to ask you…” She starts without really finishing.

“By all means.” Ava invited cheekily after noticing that Lilith wasn’t going to speak it without being prompted.

“Why do you try to escape training and lessons with me the most?” Lilith rushes in her question as if she thought she wouldn’t be able to say everything otherwise. “You’ve been doing it less, I can recognize. And I saw you running from Mary enough times, but you always go back anyway. I don’t think you ever ran from Beatrice or Camila though.”

“First, I’d like to point out that I did run from Bea once… we were at arq-tech yet. It was when I ended up running into you.” she clarifies clearly in a stalling manner. She is unsure of what to say and if she even wanted to share it, but Camila's words rang in her ears, sharing things and actually recognizing them was working, right? “But, like, it’s more like me running from being beat up than from training really…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lilith frowns on the verge of being offended. “If you dedicated yourself more from the beginning…”

“You mean the beginning where I barely been walking for a week, after twelve years stuck to a bed, and you just threw a stick at me and said go?” Ava asks incredulously. “Lilith, I know I was an ass and never made it easier, but it was never much about training me back then and way more about showing me up.” She rolls her eyes at that, mostly at their past selves than at anything else. “Even for a bit after the Vatican it was still like that. It’s just more recently that you actually started to teach me things and correct me where I go wrong instead of just coming at me and expecting me to pick it up on my own.”

“Was it really like that?” Lilith’s frown is way less offence and way more hurt now… “I mean you’re not wrong about the beginning… but…”

“Well don’t feel too bad about it.” Ava scoffed and then smiled at the other girl. “We worked out our shit already...” She stuck her tongue out at the reproachful look at her cuss word, before adding. “Besides, some people are just the type to teach you how to swim by throwing you in a rushing river. Or at least that was what some movies implied. I don’t know if it's a really valid method. I mean I don’t even know how to swim.”

“Yes.” Lilith deadpans with a sigh. But Ava can recognize the relief and amusement in her now, so she is not too worried. “We’re fixing that after you get the use of your body again, by the way. It would be really pathetic if our Warrior Nun died by drowning.”

They’re silent again for a while. It really wasn’t weird. Silences with Beatrice were better, but these ones weren’t so bad either. They’re close to falling asleep when Ava voices a concern that had been eating at her. “Lil… why do you think Adriel hasn’t come after us yet. Right now, the way I am would be the easiest to him.”

Lilith stayed silent for a while. If not for her change in breathing, Ava would have guessed the girl to not have heard her or to be asleep already. “You hurt him a lot. I couldn’t see much, I didn’t catch much. When you were in view he was already disappearing, but what I was able to see... He looked like an arson victim. The air smelled of burned flesh and sulfur. I think he hasn’t come yet because he was left in as bad shape as us.”

Ava accepts this answer in silence and before either of them can notice they’re both asleep.

Until Lilith is startled awake, that is. Ava’s bed was empty, but before panic can settle in her chest she sees movement at the corner of her eye and then there she is, or whoever she may be, standing before the open wardrobe looking at the clothes inside. 

Over the last few months they had made sure to give enough to Ava so that she had more than just whatever was on her body at the time. It wasn’t a very large collection of clothes and most of it was training and exercise gear than anything else. Not much variation in colors either, most of it in black, dark blue and grays. 

The person wearing Ava’s body, and still of unknown identity, ran her fingers through the hanged itens seemingly inspecting them.

“I see yond nuns these days live like queens.” She says without even turning her face.

It’s quite jarring. To be noticed so quickly… the accent and manner of speech, for a second Lilith wasn’t even sure she actually understood what was said. The voice and the face was Ava, sure, but that was the extent of it. Even the posture was different.

“Art thee incapable of speech?” The question was not malicious in any way but it brought a frown to Lilith’s face. “Ah, thou art able to hear.” There is a smile on her face and it sounds almost like a joke.

Before Lilith can even get up the woman is already marching in her direction. That was literally what that was. A march. Imposing, confident. When she reaches her, Lilith’s feet are just meeting the ground.

“Bid me thy name, girl.” The demand is soft spoken, but is a demand nonetheless.

“I’m Sister Lilith.” She gets up pushing herself at full height, chin up in defiance.

“Is thy name chosen 'r given?” She continues, without introducing herself and completely unaffected by Lilith’s posture. 

And Lilith frowns a little until she catches her meaning. “Chosen.”

“T’is a valorous choice.” The woman is oddly satisfied. “Unyielding, independent, s'rvant to none. Ill spoken, howev'r. As is mine own chosen name. I’m Sister Jezebel. The first of our kin to bear the Halo.”

“Kin?” Lilith asks, but deep down a comprehension is already taking hold. 

She knew the name Jezebel after all, she grew up in a mansion where her portrait was the centerpiece, a portrait worthy of a queen. Lilith was often reminded of pictures of Elizabeth I when she saw it, a dress like armor, a warrior. And accompanying it, sharing the same hall, the portraits of every other descendent that had carried the Halo, and the battles they fought. She grew up with the legends of them being told to her as bedtime stories. 

The last one was of her Grandmother’s older sister. The most sober of all of the portraits. She was still wearing her novitiate garbs when they commissioned it, before she took her vows and officially joined the Order. They didn’t have much time to commission another, four years later, only two of those as the halo bearer, she’d die in the field saving a child. There was no major battle to be painted for her. 

“Aye, we art bloodkin. T’is in the eyes and cheekbones.” She wasn’t wrong, these were the most memorable features amongst the women in her family. She also made Ava look taller, her gaze was penetrating and almost intimidating. She felt bare in front of her. “Wherefore thee fear mine own gaze, kin?”

Sister Jezebel had always been the one she looked up the most to. There were many things that made her fear the woman's judgement. The fact she lost her chance as the Halo Bearer, what she’d been willing to do to ensure it, what she came to be now, no longer fully human… She was scared to be rejected by her biggest hero.

“Sister Lilith, I am sure our family madeth me in their own myth. I doubt half of those tales art true. Plenty of our kin has't joined me in the Halo f'r me to know at least this much.” She moves away looking back into Ava’s wardrobe. “We shall share our tales and we shall spar. Now, doth tell me, what h're is a practice garment?”

Lilith does as asked, unsure of what else she should be doing at this point. She felt like she was being pulled by the nose, but had little presence of mind to do anything else. It doesn’t take long for them to reach the training grounds. The indoors one. Sister Jezebel inspected their equipment with curiosity, every now and then asking about how some of those worked.

“Now, bid me thy tale. The reason f'r the fear thy gaze. I am dead already, mine own opinion of thee hast no consequences.” It’s only then that Lilith notices that Jezebel had grabbed the cruciform sword. She placed it before her own body, both hands resting on it’s pommel, her feet slightly parted in a firm stance, the familiar blue glow of the blade casting a tall shadow behind her.

For a second Lilith feared she’d be smited the second she confessed to her sins, but she squared her shoulders, hardened her face prepared to fight her life's biggest battle. And she had gone to hell and back. 

She talks and Jezebel hears, her face, hardened from the get go, doesn’t flinch or relax for the whole duration of her tale. She also doesn’t raise the sword and runs through her heart with it. She has a patience that Lilith can’t find in herself to share. Not even hearing about the truth of her new nature seems to move her. When Lilith is finished the first reaction she gets is the pursing of lips.

“They madeth tradition something I wouldst nev'r wish upon any person.” She sighed. “I wast a f'rth daught'r. Unneed'd f'r feather-bed. I hath chosen mine own future by joining the church. On mine way to the convent, we w're ambush'd. Bandits, the lot of those folks. I and two oth'r the whole surviv'rs. T’is how I joined the Ord'r. I hath found mine purpose.” She says firmly, lifting the sword and propping the blate in her palm. “But the Halo wast something I nev'r did wish f'r. Has't thee ev'r been told of how I did get It?“ Sister Jezebel asked solemnly.

“The previous Bearer fell in battle as did the next in line. Still in the middle of the fray you were chosen to take bear It. After that you were able to turn the fight around and claim victory to the Order.” She resumes the story she has been told many times as she grew up. When they took a dying Shannon to that church she thought she was going to have a moment akin to her hero. 

What she received as an answer, however, was a bark of laughter. Humorless, sardonic laugh. “The Halo chooses and rejects T'is vessels as It pleases. T's not about worth 'r goodness of heart. T'is about potential. Oft, the choice is not a valorous one. Yet It may insist.” Her gaze that had been lost in the blade, finally lifted to look at her, her look was haunted but she showed no regret. “The one bef're me hath grown greedy f'r pow'r. Risk'd our Sisters' lives without care. Yet no one ceased it. So I did. As I hath said, this is a burden I wished on nay one. The rest of our sist'rs much young'r than me. So I bore T'is weight on mine own. I lived on f’r only ten years m're. Has't thee chosen this life?”

“Ava asked me the same question, not even a few days ago.” Lilith says gravely, remembering that particular conversation. “Maybe, not at first, not truly, but I know that where I am now is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Where I want to be.” She answers putting weight on her words, embedding them within herself, finally accepting it for what it was. The truth.

“T’is what matt’rs. Now, we shall spar.” She announces without care. “This body is odd to move 'round. Like ev'ry movement hast to be thought over and forced upon.”

“Ava was stuck in a bed for twelve years. The Halo made her able to move again, but it’s been less than half a year since she got It.” Lilith explained, quick to follow Jezebel exemple and getting into position.

“Impressive.” She says apparently distracted with it, and Lilith takes the opportunity to pounce.

The attack is reflected with ease and the woman grins at her. They spar for a long time. Jezebel decidedly is at a disadvantage, in a body not her own and with little to none muscle memory. Yet she easily deflects Lilith's attacks, often landing some of her own and although surprised by techniques she was unaware of her instinct and proficiency with the Halo was impressive. Lilith won some, but she lost way more frequently. 

After a few hours of it, late into the night, they’re both laying down on the matted floor. Lilith notices the change in breathing and immediately knows that Jezebel has left. In her place Ava breathes easily and softly as if her body hadn’t just gone through some hours long workout. The same can’t be really said about her however and she dreads the idea of carrying both of them back to Ava’s room. Before she comes to a decision or even notices it, she is asleep.

It’s a trainee Sister Warrior that finds them the next morning.

**XVI.**

Lilith gets the biggest scolding she ever got in her life when they finally met with Mother Superion that morning. And she once blew up half of the training dummies with Mary and Shannon. That had happened before the Halo and the pressure from her family and the weight of a centuries old legacy was pushed on her, making her grow resentful of her friends and pushing away from them. Her grief for Shannon’s death had been a mess. A mix of pain and relief that she was finally going to do what was expected of her by her family. 

And then things got even more complicated. She had lost her family, her real one with her Sisters, twice all because of a legacy that was nothing but a lie. When the dust settled after the Vatican she had asked that her parents were not informed about her being alive. At first it was mostly the fear of how they’d treat her knowing she was no longer fully human. She still feared it, but her reasons now were different. She didn’t want the weight of her expectations. They were better off thinking she was dead. She wanted that the last memory they had of her was of her giving up on their so called legacy to save someone.

Maybe she was being petty. She didn’t care much. Meeting Sister Jezebel made her even more certain that she was where she should be and doing what she is supposed to do. Jezebel meant not exalted, someone often overlooked and left aside. She had cared for her purpose and not for other expectations of her. Lilith meant one of the night has been credited as mother of demons, first wife of Adan, made from clay as he was, and as such wanted to be treated equally. To not submit to the will of another. Yet for years it had been exactly what she had done. Submitted to her blood family’s will with no regards for her own. 

So she took the scolding with a firm stance and a raised chin, unbothered and unflinching. Not an ounce of regret. Even if it was the worst telling off she ever witnessed.

“Wow, chill Mother…” Ava interrupted the older nun in the middle of a tirade. “The way she says it, even if she wanted to stop her grandmother from going around, the woman would have just kicked her ass and done as she pleased anyway. By the way I’m rather offended that I got to kick your ass, but wasn’t present to see it.”

The Mother Superion was taken back by Ava’s sudden interruption. The girl had just been looking back and forth between her and Sister Lilith, wide eyed and maybe even a little scared.

“What is it going to take for you to stick to a proper vocabulary, Ava Silva?” The older woman deflates going back to her chair and massaging her own temples.

“At this point? Probably being reborn, Mother.” Her cheeky tone brings out a snort from Lilith, but when the girl looked at her with triunf all over her face the sister just schools her face, looking at her with reproach.

Their silent communication and little back and forth brings out a tired sigh from the older woman, who just dismisses them. She clearly wasn’t getting anywhere with them anyway. 

Perhaps it’s not surprising, but the other three are waiting for them just outside of the office. By the amusement in Mary’s eyes she probably heard at least some of it. Camila is the most relaxed of the three and she just merryly sips her tea, despite being awakened just as early as the previous day, this time she wasn't in her sleepwear, but already dressed in her usual habit. Beatrice, however... is stiff as a pole and looks like she was about to give them a reprimand of her own when she is interrupted before even starting by a loud gasp from Ava. Lilith takes that opportunity to start to push Ava down the hall and away from Mother Superion’s office.

“Lilith, Lil! Guess what? Your granny left me a gift! Ha!” She said loudly, craning her head as far as she could to be able to look at the other girl. Trailing behind them the others followed. Beatrice was still frowning. “I might not be able to defeat Adriel by just talking and flipping him with a half useless hand, but! Now I can do it with both hands! Ha, I bet he won’t be fucking expecting it.” And as a demonstration she does just that. Using both hands to give the middle finger.

“You know? I actually wouldn’t get it past you to actually defeat Adriel by annoying him so much with your incessant talk and rude gestures…” Lilith surprisingly jokes back, not feeling it in herself to call Ava out for the cuss word or gesture. But she does feel the need to correct Ava in regards to their late night visitor. “Also, she wasn’t my grandmother. Sister Jezebel is from the time of the Third Crusades.”

“You were visited by Sister Jezebel?” Camila exclaimed, rushing her pace so she could be ahead of Ava’s chair and be able to look at both of them head on. 

“I gather she was a big deal, besides being one of Lilith’s many Halo Bearers ancestors?” Mary arches an eyebrow with barely there curiosity.

“The first from her family to carry the Halo, if I’m not mistaken.” Beatrice comments. “She was one of the most prolific Warrior Nuns, she carried the Halo for ten years. One of the longest living Warrior Nuns in record. Still she died young at 32 years of age.”

“No wonder she kicked your ass and left you all sore.” Ava still joked feeling oddly content. Probably due to the fact she could move her other hand too now. She could _feel_ the material of the cloth covering her legs, where her hands were resting now, with _both_ of them.

“I was able to get some in.” Lilith huffed feeling the need to point out. Sure these wins had been when she used a more modern form of combat or techniques she knew Jezebel wouldn’t have faced before. Still the woman had quickly adapted and said moves slowly lost their efficacy against her. “Also, apparently she killed the Halo Bearer before her and took the Halo for herself.” She makes it sound like a thinly veiled threat. 

Camila can see the playful shine in Lilith’s eyes that doesn’t show in her voice or words, but to Mary and Beatrice that still walked behind them exchange alarmed looks between each other, but before anything can be done or said, Ava is laughing again.

“Oh, it’s a family tradition, then? That’s a relief, I had assumed you had a problem with me.” She cranes her head back again giving the girl pushing her chair a wink, the easy and playful reaction brings relief to Lilith, for a second she had worried she might have pushed a little too far. She did flick Ava’s ear, however, no need for her to think she was going all soft. 

**XVII.**

The third night is Camila’s. Beatrice had gently nudged her to do so.

“I don’t mind, Ava is nice for cuddles.” She grins, before looking on more seriously. “Are you avoiding her again?” Camila had no problem in spending the night with their Halo Bearer, but she really wanted to make sure her Sisters weren’t hurting each other again.

Beatrice, who had been arranging both hers and Ava’s plate on a tray looks at her pointedly. Of course she wasn’t avoiding Ava anymore. They had talked, Ava forgave her. She’d been helping Sister Inez as much as she could while she tried to not die of embarrassment at times. Not due to Ava… There was nothing inappropriate going on then, it was something needed and for her well being. The problem was mostly Sister Inez’s sly comments and knowing looks. The girl was fine and good company sure, but she was also like a fox. And as comforting it was to note that there was no condemnation from her, the copious amount of support was quite intimidating and a little nerve wracking too.

She wished she could see things as simple as Sister Inez seemed to do, that getting over her feelings and fears was easy, but that wasn’t the case. At least she had achieved enough in not denying them anymore, even if actually admitting to them out loud was still a bit away from her. And as much as she went over and over again in her head about her vows, editing them in her prayers, begging for any sort of permission or signal from God, they were still something that existed. Her thrust and belief on the Church of men may have faltered but it was to God she had she had vowed to serve.

“And here I thought you’d be jumping at the chance of spending a little time alone with Ava…” Mary jokes, bringing Beatrice out of her thoughts with a startle. She stares at the usually very composed Nun, her movement paused halfway, making the sauce of the stew she had scooped to drip on the servings of potatoes on the buffet. “Oooh!” Still, Mary seems to have found something as she finally lands the stew on her own plate and moves around the seemingly frozen Sister. “It’s the Halo you’re afraid of. Who It might show you?”

She wasn’t wrong. But she doesn’t admit to anything, just finishes serving her plate and metaphorically runs away. Not that she is very successful at that, given they often sat together, but thankfully Mary didn’t insist on the subject and the only thing she had to endure during their meal was Camila’s slightly disappointed and resigned looks.

Unlike her other Sisters, later that day when they all went to sleep, she didn’t curl herself on the armchair or tried to get comfortable on the loveseat. She simply asked Ava if she minded sharing the bed again and Ava was glad to do so.

“Just don’t get mad at me if someone comes and whoever they might be clocks you in the head for it.” She joked, but, actually, now that she thought about it that was a real possibility wasn’t it?

Camila just laughed it off without a worry while climbing on the bed and getting comfortable next to Ava. She was wearing her long nightgown and her hair was loosely braided, she did the same to Ava’s hair promising to teach her how to do it once she got control over her limbs once again. They gossip and giggle and Ava, for the first time, feels like one of those girls in every teen movie.

“We’re just missing doing our nails and crush talk.” Ava jokes wiggling her fingers.

“Well, I don't have nail polish, but we can do the crush talk…” Camila offers.

Ava turns her face in Camila's direction at that. She is suddenly serious, contemplative and there is only silence for a while. “Are Nuns even allowed to have crushes?” The question held so many layers that both of them would have a hard time counting all of them.

“It’s not like it’s something you can stop someone from having is it?” Is how Camila decides to start as she rolls on her back and stares at the ceiling. “The vows Nuns make usually resume in poverty, chastity and obedience. There are some minimal changes depending on the Order the sister joined. And usually even if you transfer from some place you usually only would go to another chapter of your order. The OCS is a bit special in that regard… we don’t usually have novitiates here for one. I’m one of the very few that came to the OCS as a novitiate. I took my vows here, I didn’t need to retake them. Most OCS sisters are scouted and brought here only after they receive approval, they then take their vows and become Warrior Sisters. Sometimes, like Bea’s case, she will revoke their previous vows and swear to the new ones stipulated by the OCS. In many Orders the chastity vow is seen as a marriage to Christ, where we swear off sexual desires as well as from romantic relationships.” She pauses to see if Ava is still paying attention to her and is met by an intense and attentive gaze. “The OCS doesn’t have a ceremony like that. Our Order didn’t start as a Church order either, we were integrated into it over the years since we began at the Crusades and most women that joined it were Nuns already. So we had to make some chances in our vows. But originally they were way more similar to a Knight’s oath? Our poverty vow is different for exemple. We vow to not accumulate unnecessary wealth, but to build and keep enough for the smooth management of our mission. Our vow of obedience is as warriors of God and his will, swearing to protect and aid the Halo and It’s bearer in the battle against evil. And we vow to dedicate ourselves to our mission, swearing off of anything that may stray us from our path. Which means no marriage since it usually would lead to children and time and dedication to your family and away from the Order. It’s dressed as a chastity vow and the main body of the Church seems to interpret as such, but the wording of our vows and their origin...” Camila pauses a bit then, remembering the time she took her vows. 

In some places they make it a ceremony where many novitiates take their vows together. They marry Christ and swear their life to God and the Church. In the OCS it’s a much more private affair. Done alone between the Sister, their current leader, the Halo and God.

Camila can’t know how or what Duretti did when he recalled the rejected Nuns, but it hadn’t been a true introduction to the Order. And with their Halo at large and in the back of the likes of Ava… It would have been impossible for it to be really done back then. 

“Soon, probably you will be called to the introduction of someone to the OCS and you will see how it’s done, since the Halo have to be present for it.” Camila finally talked again. It’s surprising that Ava had waited so long for the Sister to reach her conclusion, but she was a very good listener and patient when she really wanted to. Camila was glad for it. 

“You’re saying that you kinda but don’t really have a true chastity vow?” Is the first thing Ava says, then she seems to do a double take. “I’ll have to do what, now?” 

But Camilla seemed to be lost in thought, somehow. And then out of nowhere she starts to giggle. “Actually, if you think about it.” She says trying to control her giggles. “Given that we vow to dedicate our lives to our mission and the Halo is our mission, we pretty much swear ourselves to the Halo Bearer in a way. And if the usual chastity vow is said to be a marriage to Christ, then the OCS version of it… we’re pretty much married to you, aren’t we?”

Camila’s mirth is uncontrollable and quite contagious, and though Ava seems a little lost and as if she had short circuited herself she also starts to laugh together with her Sister.

“Wait, wait, wait…” Ava begs trying to get her breathing under control. “Are you telling me…” Beatrice’s image flashes in her mind for a second, but she shakes her head away from it… “Cammie… is this your way to tell me you have a crush on me?” She jokes. She shouldn’t think about Beatrice like that. _I mean, sure we had that moment… but what if she was just indulging me and actually was really uncomfortable?_ Ava’s head was a bit of a mess, with all those thoughts going around she needed the levity, she needed to calm herself, then maybe… just maybe… she’d be able to tackle _that_. 

“You wish.” Her giggles were finally slowing down now. “I love you Ava, but not like that I'm afraid. Our marriage is but a platonic one.” She was very solemn in her speech, but her eyes still shined in her joy , and after a very fake hurt and shock passed through Ava’s face, they smiled together again. “Actually, other than kid stuff I haven’t had a real crush. I’ve admired plenty of people for many reasons but…”

“There is nothing wrong in never having had a crush.” Ava tells her when she notices the hesitance in Camila. “Maybe, it’s not your thing, maybe it’s your dedication to your Faith or you didn’t meet the right person. I, for example, only got my first crush after I died.”

“You’re talking about JC?” Camila urges her to keep going, remembering the conversation they had a while back over breakfast.

“JC.” Ava nods. “For a while I thought I loved him, but Mary is right… It was mostly hormones, I think. Since he was hot, and nice, and he repeatedly helped me... and his food _was_ divine.”

“Not anymore, though? You did say you didn’t feel as comfortable with him…” Camila was definitely fishing for something, not that Ava had seemed to notice it. 

“Yeah, I felt like a freak near him, maybe a freak he’d be able to accept, hopefully, but still a freak.” She sighs before looking at Camila again. “I don’t feel like a freak with you guys. And even if or when any of you make fun of me for not knowing something stupid like tying my shoes or fry an egg, you don’t look like you’re judging me, or pitying me or, I don’t know…”

“We would never, Ava. It’s silly to expect someone to know something they were never taught.” Camila reassured, grabbing Ava’s hand on her side and squeezing it. She smiles when she feels the squeeze being returned, even if weakly. It was proof of her healing, and very comforting. “So… if JC was a first crush… does it mean there are others?” And there she goes fishing again.

“Ugh! It’s so unfair. You have nothing to tell me. Yet here you are expecting me to keep on giving. What an unfair wife.” Ava mocked, but really that was just her trying to buy herself more time wasn’t it? And for what exactly? “But…”

“So there is!!!” Camila squeals, kicking her feet. It was really nice the fact that the Halo’s sleeping room was tucked just a bit away from the others’ dormitories. So, while during the morning loud noises might be more noticeable, at night they were harder to detect.

“And here I thought I was really obvious about it…” Ava grumbled, still stalling.

“Oh, Ava. Don’t be silly. Your crush on Bea can be seen from the moon if you really know what to look out for, but I thought it really would do you some good to actually admit it.”

 _Oh my god…_ “Oh my god. Noooo.” Aava whines, she really wished she could just cover her own face and hide from the world right now. “Do you think she _knows_? I mean sometimes I get the impression… I mean there is this thing you know? But then it’s gone… Kinda? And I feel, like, I’m just assuming things… I mean she is just so nice to everybody!”

“Oh, Ava. You clearly mean a lot to Beatrice. That much is obvious.” Camila reassured. “But it’s something you have to talk to her don’t you think? She also had the more typical vows before joining the OCS. So it might not be as simple to her… I’m not saying this to discourage you or anything but…” She gnaws on her bottom lip, worried that she might have made things worse for a second.

“Don’t worry Camila. I know… I know I can be an insensible prick at times but… I’m not like expecting anything from Beatrice.” Ava sighs once again facing her ceiling letting her eyes get lost in the nothingness of the darkened room. “If I ever, or when, I tell her how I feel… If all she can ever give me is her acknowledgment of them, her understanding and acceptance and nothing else I’ll already be more than glad. What scares me is having them questioned or denied. I know she cares for me beyond the Halo. I don’t need her to act or reciprocate my feelings.”

“I think this is well past a crush, Ava.” Camila was now laying on her side, looking at Ava with care and wonder. The girl had been a whirlwind in all their lives, she had come and messed everything up. Yet, as she settles with them, so does the mess she made, and now things were… not as before, but even better, as if everything was finally finding their real places. “That sounds pretty much like love.”

“I know.” Is all Ava says, and not long after that, they’re finally asleep. 

Ava doesn’t know if it’s disappointment or relief that she woke up in the exact same position she was last night when she went to sleep. Camila was already up and dressed and adjusting her whimple. It was also later than previous days.

“We weren’t visited by anyone last night?” She asks with a little frown, getting the other girl’s attention.

Camila hesitates a bit, pondering something over in her head. “We were, but not by someone?” _For some reason that sounded more like a question than anything else._

Ava just looked at her confused for a while, and Camila just gave a sigh, sitting on the chair by Ava’s desk and supporting her chin on her hand while facing her.

“The Halo, It surfaced like that first day.” She explained. “I think It wanted to experience things? So I gave It tea and we walked around the grounds and then I made sure we came back and that It layed down again before it was gone.” Camila says all that very nonchalantly, and then her face transforms and there is a secretive smile playing at her lips, as she leans down in Ava’s direction to whisper. “ _I don’t think It has the best permanence of memory. It keeps forgetting you still can’t walk again._ ”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ava laughs, more at Camila’s silly antics than at her words exactly.

“Well… It started to flick out like It was going to go away all the way back in the garden, when I suggested that it was already very late.” The girl gave a little eye roll. “But I held onto It’s hand and said we had to come back here. It was surprisingly comprehensive, and just left after you were properly laying down.”

“Wow, you already have a better handle at It than I do.” It was a joke, but there was also some insecurity buried down there that Camila could easily see.

“I think.” The young Nun emphasizes. “That It just trusts me as you do, and cares for you as I do, so It understood that it was important to come back here instead of just leaving. The glow was way more weaker when we finally got to your room, so It clearly used most of what was left of Its strength to get you back here safely.”

“Did it sing?” Ava asked with the smallest of voices after a long moment of silence.

“Beautifully, Ava, beautifully.” Was all the answer she needed.

**XVIII.**

Breakfast has a weird tension that morning. Apparently the first place to look for Ava isn’t her bedroom anymore, since the whole Abbey seemed to be looking for her everywhere but there. When she and Camila entered the hall everyone looked in their direction and followed them with their eyes while they approached their usual table.

Beatrice was already there waiting with their food served. It was mostly toast and an assortment of fruits and a covered bowl. Their drink was in a thermos not unlike Camila’s usual one.

“So where did you wake up?” Lilith asks before they can even greet anyone. The whole room seems to quiet and pay attention to them again.

“What? Did you guys make some bet on it?” Ava scoffed, but was not denied. She looks at them incredulously. “Really!?” She turns to beatrice but the Nun just looks at her and sighs, cutting the fruit in bite sized pieces. Ava is unsure if that means she knew about it or not. “I woke up in my room.” She just answers so people will stop staring at her.

There were many groans through the room, people were clearly unsatisfied, most likely having bet some other place. 

“I really thought I would get it with the weaponry room…” they can hear being murmured a few seats away. 

When Ava tries to stretch her neck to see who said it, a hand is placed on her shoulder. Wait, she can feel her shoulder now? She tries to not overreact and in trying so she reacts really weird. As if she had a neck crick or something, out the corner of her eye she can see Beatrice. She looks oddly smug, but is not looking at her, she just has her hand on Ava’s shoulder as she gets her first bite of toast.

“Did you sleep on your neck?” Mary’s voice cuts through, making her do a weird jerk and almost choke on her own saliva. “Shit, are you okay? Did you drop her on her head, Camila?”

“Hey!” The indignant cry came from both of them. Camila follows it with a short scold for her profanity, while Ava just quietly mumbles an _‘I’m fine…’._

Ava looks at Beatrice again and notices she is scooping up her food. Her look is more controlled now, but she can still notice the smug glint in the Nun’s eyes.

“You totally won the bet didn’t you?” Beatrice pauses and blushes prettly, but doesn’t deny it.

“Well, regardless of what happened, I trusted Camila would make sure you would be back on your bed before the night ended.” She answers confidently before offering the food to Ava, who just accepts it in place of saying anything back.

“Oh, yes. The Halo almost dropped Ava in the garden, though.” Camila confirmed with a sure nod.

“So who was it?” Lilith asked curiously. This didn’t catch everyone’s attention so Ava felt safe enough to believe that there was no bet on who the visitor would have been.

“The Halo.” Was the girl’s short answer.

“The Halo as… in glowy eyes and everything else?” Mary asks, pausing on her chewing. At Camila’s nod she lets out a soft, “ _Damn…_ ”

“Did It want anything? You said It almost dropped Ava in the garden?” Beatrice has a little frown in her face as she reaches for the little covered bowl in their tray.

“I think it was mostly curious?” Camila says, uncertain. “I mean It has sentience but no body of Its own to experience things. I think whatever is happening, with both Ava and the Halo right now, just presented an opportunity for it.” 

“Oh, I can empathize with it. Being able to experience things for real for the first time…” Ava chuckles not looking away from what Beatrice was doing. When she sees the contents of the bowl she grimaces. It was orange and creamy… Pumpkin porridge, was that even a thing? 

The sister obviously notices her face and gives an eye roll, she had grabbed it for herself, but now she really wanted to make Ava at least try it. “Now, I know you don’t like much food with this kind of texture, But at least try this one. Think of it like a more creamy fruity ice cream. It’s made of papaya and you liked the fruit just fine.”

Ava is reluctant at first, but ends up giving in. She ends up eating more of it than Beatrice herself. The nun doesn’t seem bothered by it and is actually really happy to have found something for Ava to enjoy. Their other Sisters just stare at them knowingly before changing subjects and talking about a number of different things.

The rest of the day progress normally, with Mary’s hellish physical therapy sessions, that seemed to have turned into a show to every other Sister that passed by them, and with study sessions in the library. Beatrice quietly did her translations, while Camila and Lilith, who suddenly decided to join them, taught Ava about the church, the order and vows.

“Why the sudden interest in this?” Was Beatrice’s surprised question when Ava herself requested the subject. 

“Camila was talking to me about the vows ceremonies and stuff and said that I, as the Halo Bearer, would have to participate if anyone new joined the OCS?” Ava more asked than answered.

“I had the whole thing memorized. As my family is intrinsically involved with the Church, and the OCS more exactly, I’ve known of the vows since I was a child.” Lilith shrugged as if she needed to justify her presence. “It was part of pretty much every bed story. I can see it as some sort of indoctrination now, but as a kid I’d stand before my mirror and practice it every so often.”

“You really weren’t joking, though, Cammie…” Says Ava turning to the girl. “It really kinda sounds like a marriage of sorts.” Ava snorts. “If you guys had started this whole thing saying I’d have my own dedicated harem I’d been way more willing to cooperate from the start, you know?”

That statement causes Beatrice to choke on nothing while Lilith could only groan in exasperation as Camila laughed as quietly as possible.

“Don’t harems suggest something completely sexual though?” Camila asked between giggles, causing Lilith’s and Beatrice’s mortification only to rise.

“Hey, purely platonic harems can exist too!” Ava protests but looks unsure for a second. “I think?”

“Can we stop talking about harems, platonic or otherwise, in a Church?” Lilith practically begged making Ava and Camila giggle even more. “Besides, the vows are one of dedication and an oath to not let anything stray you from your path. You, as the Halo Bearer, is a guide to the Warrior Sisters not only in our mission in our path for righteousness too.”

“I swear to do my best, I really do.” Ava says seriously before breaking into a sudden nervous giggle. “But I also can’t help, but feel sorry for you guys.”

“And why is that, Ava?” Beatrice finally lays down the book she was working on and moving her notes aside.

“Well, for starters I can barely guide myself much less others. I’m still pretty much behind everyone here when it comes to fighting ability. And how can I even know the righteous path if I’m going to hell anyway?”

“What?” “What gave you that idea?” “Is this about that evil nun?” The three Sisters say all at the same time.

Ava didn’t really get to answer, her looks said plenty already. Lilith gave an annoyed huff, the girl was so full of herself most of the time that they forgot that it was mostly all bravado and that she could be incredibly self conscious and insecure at times.

“Only God can Judge that.” Lilith surly mumbled, looking as reassuring as one could when grumpy about something.

“You’ve already made us better, Ava, in many ways. You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Beatrice takes her hand and smiles when she feels Ava intertwining their fingers. “You’re part of the team too, trust in yourself a little more.”

Maybe it's their reassurance and support, or maybe it’s just Camila’s enthusiastic nodding, but Ava smiles at them and lets her worries wash away, at least for now… at least a little bit.

**XIX.**

The fourth night, Beatrice really can’t run from it anymore.

Not that she had been, previously… Not on that first night. Mary had volunteered just so fast, it actually caught them by surprise. Sure she had wanted to take advantage of her less than sober state to see if she could grab more embarrassing materials for later teasings. But it was still surprising how readly she had been. 

On the second she had just been busy, really… what with the breakthrough she finally had made on her research. The one about the visits, that is.

Yeah, so Mary was wrong and she wasn’t avoiding Ava _or_ the Halo… But deep down, even if she admitted it only to herself, she was indeed a little intimidated, some would even say afraid, of who might come to visit her. 

Shannon’s visit gave the impression that Ava had a bit of control over it, even if it was subconscious. And then Jezebel’s? The only one who could truly put to rest Lilith’s worries about her family and their legacy. Camila only dealt with the Halo Itself and that was unnerving for a thousand other reasons. She wondered who Ava’s subconscious thought she needed to meet.

Yet, in the end, no matter how unsure she was, this was about Ava. And Ava was something that Beatrice was not able to abandon or overlook.

So the fourth night is hers. Their sisters had just left and they were alone in the room. And suddenly all she can think of is the things Ava said when she was a little high on medication, and how she had… touched Ava that same morning. The way Ava consented to it, had asked for it even.

And Ava, Ava is looking at her... intensely, thoughtful. Maybe her mind is stuck on the same things as Beatrice’s… Ava never said anything about her epic medicinal induced ramble, so they mostly assumed she doesn’t remember it but… Or maybe she is thinking of completely unrelated things, or roleplaying how their conversation could go in her head, just like Beatrice did sometimes, just like she was doing right now.

“Well pick your poison, Sister Beatrice, what will be it?” 

Ava’s voice startles Beatrice out of her own head and for a second she fears the girl had seen right through her… Her want, her sin, all stamped on her face. Would the girl feel uncomfortable with her now? She did help to wash the girl, maybe Ava would be repulsed by her now, thinking she only did it so she could leer at her and touch her. It wasn’t the truth but she’d been accused of it before... Even though… even though sometimes she could swear Ava felt something. She could swear she wasn’t alone in it…

“Pardon, Ava, my mind must be miles away. What do you mean?” She asked after clearing her throat. She felt unusually uncomfortable, standing slightly stiff at the foot of Ava’s bed, looking down on her. 

“Well, Mary took the loveseat before she came to cuddle with Shannon and was too lazy to move away after she left.” Ava said with a playful grin, thankfully missing, or maybe just ignoring Beatrice’s weird behavior. “Lilith was at her armchair until we ended up in the indoors training room. Cammie, ever the smart one, came straight to bed. So, what about you?”

“Oh, I don’t want to bother you.” She says in place of an answer. 

She, somewhat, had completely forgotten she’d have to sleep somewhere. At the start of all this... On the day they came back from their mission she had kept watch, wide awake in her chair. The night Camila found her wandering the halls, she did the same. Maybe she could do it again…

“It’s not a bother really. I don’t think the armchair and loveseat are very comfortable, though. You can share the bed with me and not even need to worry if you’re a kicker, since I’m numb all over anyway.” Ava said lightly. 

Deep in herself, however, Ava felt anything but light. Beatrice was clearly nervous, a nervousness that only came to the moment they were left alone. Maybe she had done something to make the girl feel uncomfortable with her. She tries to go over everything that happened the last few days, searching for whatever she may have done to warrant this careful and nervous behavior around her and… 

The only thing that comes to her mind was her unfortunate sick day. The request for touch, how it had affected her, she probably had looked at Beatrice with something akin to lust, she had felt too much, so much more than simple skin deep touch. A heat that she had missed since the incident had run through her body like wildfire, a heat that had nothing to do with her fever. And then… her drugged up confessions. She does remember them. But sinse no one mentioned them, she just followed their example, screaming her embarrassment into the void of her own mind. She had called Mary a cute sad puppy to her face, said that a sad, vulnerable Lilith made her want to scoop her up in a hug. She had said within the woman’s hearing range that she found the Mother superion a snack and that she really digged the scar. Camila deserved all the compliments… To be honest all of them did, they just could have been given in a less compromising - and risky - way, in Ava’s opinion. But the height of her embarrassment wasn't even calling out Mother Superion’s MILF factor to her face, but her whole spiel about Beatrice.

No wonder the nun was uncomfortable at being left alone with her. Beatrice was probably just thankful that at this point she couldn’t really move yet so there was no risk of her jumping her bones or something… And after all her talk with Camila the previous night… It is true, she’d accept whatever Beatrice was able to give her, even if all she could have was friendship. She just didn’t want to have her feeling invalidated. It hasn’t been an exaggeration of an addled mind, she truly felt like she was worthy of existence when under Beatrice’s gaze, her touch, her attention… It all made her feel like she deserves to simply be, that she has a right to life and happiness.

Ava had been looking at Beatrice’s direction, but she had been so lost in her thoughts and desperation that she only noticed that the girl had sat next to her in the bed when she lightly card her fingers through her hair. Beatrice is so close then. Ava is sure she is blushing. 

“If you don’t really mind then, I’ll share the bed with you.” Her voice is steady, reassuring, full of care and there is a shine in her eyes… “If neither Mary nor Camila were able to drop you from the bed I'm sure it won’t be a problem then.” Her little giggle truly is everything.

“Never been more thankful for my paralysis then.” Ava’s eyes twinkles with their shared mirth. 

_I can still have this then, right? At least this._ Is a thought unknowingly shared among the two of them.

Beatrice in her little panic, had remembered her conversation with Mary, had remembered her determination of not running from, or denying her feelings anymore. She had said that if the opportunity was presented again she wouldn’t refuse it and it had been exactly _that_ that had made her move to sit next to Ava.

She fully gets herself into bed, going as far as to go under the covers with Ava. She briefly considers turning her back to Ava and going straight to sleep, closing herself to any possible temptation as fast as possible. But they were still staring at each other, those big doe eyes looking directly into her, seemingly seeing everything that she ever tried to hide or ignore about herself, seeing it all and still accepting her, still wanting her near. How could it be that she made Ava feel worthy of existing when it was Ava herself that made her feel deserving of her place in this world? Not only that, Ava made her feel entitled to her feelings, made her feel like said feelings didn’t diminish her value. Made her feel like she was entitled to exist beyond her usefulness.

“Bea…” Ava’s voice is so quiet that she is almost surprised that she heard her. It’s then that Beatrice notices how close they are, and that she is lying on her side still caressing her hair. Beatrice was sure she had the most obvious lovesick expression on her face. “Can you do that thing again? With my face, to see until where I still feel it?” Beatrice's fingers freeze at that moment, and Ava’s previously heavy lidded eyes suddenly widen with uncertainty pouring out of them. “I mean… It’s just, I think I felt you touching my shoulder this morning at breakfast. And I… I didn’t feel that far before…” _It sounds like a weak excuse. Her delivery was too obvious. Beatrice is frozen, startled, maybe even disgusted… No, not disgusted. Uncomfortable. More likely._

For a second Ava is as frozen as Beatrice. The Nun’s hand, although unmoving, was still intertwined in her hair, palm covering her ear, the hell of her hand resting against her cheek. They stared at each other in suspension. With a deep inhale Beatrice finally moves her hand. Not away, but down Ava’s face. Much like the last time, Beatrice’s thumb lightly brushed against her mouth. The tip of a tongue might accidentally have touched it as it passed at the exact moment Ava went to moisten her dry lips. But Beatrice doesn’t stop her movement, she goes down Ava’s neck, and unlike before instead of just her fingertips, she lays her whole hand there, she keeps moving until her hand is laying in the crook of Ava’s neck, thumb down over the collarbone, index finger stretched out resting against the column of Ava’s neck. 

Given their positions on the bed by now Beatrice’s left arm was over Ava, covering her. Her pause is so brief it goes almost unnoticed, but she keeps going, hand rubbing over her trapezius before finally reaching its final destination on Ava’s shoulder. She squeezes once, a discreet questioning look in her eyes, and for a second Beatrice’s wonder if the small nod will be her only answer. Unlike last time there will be no one coming in soon, to interrupt whatever this was. 

Ava is still looking directly into her eyes, her breathing is slightly labored, lips with a slight sheen of saliva. She opens her mouth and then… Her eyes suddenly glaze over before effectively rolling back and for a second, before they’re closed, white sclera is all that can be seen. Ava didn’t have any motion of her body or anything and, yet, she still, somehow, slackens against the mattress, clearly out of it. 

Panic descends over Beatrice, she shakes Ava as best as she can with the hand still on her shoulder, while with the other she starts to lift her body up so she can better see. She is about to call out for Ava’s name when the girl’s eyes suddenly snap open. Her gaze immediately locks with Beatrice’s and the nun instantly recognizes… This is not Ava. 

They stay still for a second. The visitor’s eyes roam Beatrice's face and take notice of their position, at this a smile spread on her lips. There is a somewhat sardonic undertone to it, but doesn’t seem unkind or anything of the sorts.

Before Beatrice can do or say anything the visitor is speaking. “Dieu est vraiment généreux dans ses récompenses.” And in french of all languages…

“Sister Mélanie…?” Beatrice guesses. She is sure there were other french and french speaking Warrior Nun’s, but taking the others’ experiences as example, the Visitor usually had some relation with whoever was Ava’s company of the night. And Sister Mélanie… well, her story at least, had been something that had brought the two of them, even if just a bit back then, closer together. 

“Oui. Sorry, my english not the best. Français ou allemand?” The smile softens a bit at the request but it still holds to it’s previous undertones. 

Beatrice nods, rearranging herself, trying to put space between them. It’s only then that she notices that Mélanie is holding the hand that had been cradling Ava’s shoulder by the wrist, keeping it in place, stopping her from moving further away.

“<Are you the Halo Bearer’s intended?>” She asks without preamble and reservations. Her look was not condemning, just curious. 

“<What? No! I’m a Nun… she… we’re friends.>” Beatrice’s french might have been impeccable por her composure was already shattered.

“<I never said you weren’t either of those.>” Mélanie sits up and scoots back until her back is against the headboard, hand still holding Beatrice’s wrist, as she finishes getting comfortable, she changes her hold and examines the hand in hers with the uttermost attention. “<She has great eyesight this one, even though she moves strangely. My vision was never the best one, but when I was captured and taken to Dachau I was beaten in such way that left my right eye half dead. Could only perceive shadows and light. The Halo fixed it when I got Her, but I never truly got rid of my myopia.>”

“<You call It Her…>” Beatrice notices with the smallest of smiles on her lips.

“<To be inside of me, my dear, She could only be female.>” There is an immediate flush to Beatrice’s face and she once again tries to pull her hand back into herself, a knee jerk reaction ingrained into her being, of rejection and shying away from anything perceived as untoward. 

Once again Sister Mélanie tightens her hold stopping her. Beatrice reacts instinctively again trying to break the hold, but Mélanie reacts just as fast. They struggle and then the world spins for a second and it's as if gravity has been turned off, and then she is the one with her back to the mattress and Mélanie, _in Ava’s body_ , is straddling her at her hips and holding her hands by her head. “<Don’t run from her.>” The Sister says strongly, eyes stormy, perfect french falling from Ava’s lips, body leaned over her and her hair framing her face, but it wasn’t Ava, or her look, or her stormy eyes.

“<It’s not from Ava I’m running.>” Beatrice huffed trying to lift her hands, but Mélanie’s hold was firm. “<Besides you’re not making me feel comfortable exactly.>”

“<Is this getting you in a mood?>” Beatrice may not have been familiar with whatever slang Sister Mélanie tried to use, but her tone and suggestive arch of an eyebrow were very clear all by themselves.

The flush resumes tenfold and Beatrice’s body is tense to the point of trembling. This seems to snap the woman out of it. Mélanie moves so she is sitting by Beatrice and not on top of her, she lets go of Beatrice’s wrists, there are faint marks on them from their struggle. She looked appropriately sorry. 

“<I’m sorry. Really, I just didn’t want to be the reason for you to run from her.>” She is serious and looks deeply into her eyes, searching… For what Beatrice isn't sure.

“<I wouldn’t… I just… It’s hard to let go, to accept…>” Her words sound confused and broken even to her, as she sits up against the headboard as Mélanie had previously. “<Still, we’re not… You were a nun too right? You had vows too. How can you be so…>”

“<Shameless?>” Melanie offers with a scoff. 

“<Free. So free with it.>” Beatrice corrected. “<I read your journal entry. ‘I felt unbound. Unburdened. I felt, finally, myself.’ But how can you go past anger, past fear when all I was taught was that it was wrong. I was wrong. That one thing enough to bring all my worth down to zero? And then she said, Ava said, that I shouldn’t hate what I am, that what I am is beautiful. And I felt for the first time that I could think of it not as a flaw, or something so be erased, but as a part of me. Still I struggle, to get past this fear and anger and resentment and...>” She trails of, struggling to say anything more. It’s a surprise in itself that she had shared so much of herself. Maybe it was because it was a dead Warrior Nun, or Sister Mélanie herself, another nun, one that was openly gay. Or maybe it was because the body was Ava’s. 

“<It’s not easy.>” Mélanie says after Beatrice remains quiet for a while. “<Yes, I was a Nun. Insisted on a boarding school the moment I turned 16. Talks of sons of business partners or grandsons of neighbors were already closing on me and I wanted nothing with it. The school had an adjoining convent. I have always been catholic, a believer, the decision wasn’t hard. I wasn’t the only one to join it. A friend of mine joined it too and by the time we were about to take our permanent vows we were called to join the OCS, and we both did. The vows of the OCS are much more lenient than most. The Order encourages fraternization. The mission and our Sisters our most valuable gifts. For long I wondered why such difference, between the temporary vows I made to the ones from the OCS.>”

“<I was already a Nun by the time the OCS called for me to join, I had to retake my vows. I remember wondering the same.>” Beatrice remembers very well that day, it will be forever printed in her soul. 

There was a symbolic ceremony where she had to let go of her previous vows and make the new ones. This was something intrinsic to the OCS. It had been an odd feeling. She used her vows as walls of protection just as much as she used them as a prison to her… more problematic feelings. The OCS vows… it left space for interpretation. She prayed and prayed for instruction and guidance, an answer of any sorts. It took some years, but Beatrice was sure. She got her answer on the day she read Sister Mélanie’s journal entry. Not through the journal, but in the words that Ava said to her. And since that day, she prays and prays, she goes over her vows, she edits them in her head, she is dedicated to her mission, but she is also dedicated to Ava. 

Mélanie sighs heavily, bringing Beatrice back to their current conversation. “<Once after a mission we went out in civilian clothes. That’s when a few german soldiers noticed us, handholding, secretive whispers, shared smiles. We didn’t see them coming. By the time we were actually sent to Dachau we were already half broken. She even more than me. We were always together… until she died. She went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up when morning came. She was watching me sleep, and I woke up to find her gone. It was after that that I got to escape, found my Sisters again. The Warrior Nun died, I was chosen as next.>” Mélanie pauses for a second closing her eyes, her expression is pained, but as she opens them back again her gaze is strong willed and firm. “<I hated them for what they had done, to have transformed my love as they had, into something shameful and diseased. I closed myself to it, even when I felt I was finally healing from my loss. Not from how I lost her, mind you, just from the fact that I lost her. It was around then that the incident I wrote in the journal happened. I faced my anger and my fear. I unburdened myself. Accepted my fate, the things I’ve gone through. They would not break me, weaken me or make me believe my love was wrong any longer.>” She breaks the heavy air around them with a small scoff, she is back to her sardonic smile, but when she speaks again she does with seriousness. “<I was never one too in tune with the Halo, the most I got was strength, speed and healing enhancements… maybe because of my previous rage, or maybe I just never felt the necessity of more than that. Until that day. That day I finally felt what it really meant to carry Her. I felt… Her love. She sang so beautifully. I felt unbound and truly myself. I accepted love again, and I had it. Until it was my time to go and leave someone behind.>” 

Beatrice feels as much now as she did when she first read the story. She is not crying this time, however. Mélanie's story had felt as healing as damaging back then. A reassurance that her feelings didn’t invalidate her faith and value, but it also had sprouted a bit of resentment. She had spent many years thinking otherwise. The OCS vows had made her question it once, but she had forced it out of her mind, reminding herself of the Order's origins as a service to the Church and not as a part of it. Mélanie story, however, told her she could be a nun and still be gay, still recognize it. 

She had assumed that something must have happened for the nazis to know that a Nun was a lesbian, but she never had considered that Mélanie would have had a lover. And more so, she didn’t hate her love before being taken, she had accepted it and found ways to have it. The Nazis had broken her, made her feel hurt by it for a long time. And yet… she accepted it again, herself and her love. 

The relief of being accepted, of _being able_ to accept this part of herself, of being called beautiful, not despite of it, but as a whole, her love included, had also been tainted with pain. The pain of feeling like all she had gone through, had imposed on herself had been for nothing.

“<It took me a while to understand that even the bad things, the bad feelings are part of my journey. That without them I wouldn’t be myself. I thought for a long time that because I was holding this part of me back, that no one knew me, that the Beatrice they saw was only a mask, a husk of my true self. I thought I had kept them at arm's length, away from my heart.>” Beatrice still felt odd sharing so much of herself. Especially to a virtual stranger. Maybe that, and the fact that the person she was talking with was already dead, was exactly what was making it easier to do so. “<I was so wrong, though. My Sisters knew me. As I let myself notice that I was amazed to see that, even though I had put so many walls around myself they still knew me. They saw me. And apparently I was the last one to see that. Ava opened my eyes to it.>”

“<So don’t run from her. From this feeling the two of you share.>”

“<I don’t intend to.>” Beatrice states firmly, unwavering. “<There's still a lot we have to talk about. I still have things to work over. And I can see that there is something there. Between us. But I need to be sure of what it is and if we’re both willing to work on it so it won't get in the way of our mission, so we won't hurt each other unintentionally. I’m thankful that you shared your story with me and that you favor our feelings, but this is something I should talk with Ava and Ava alone. At least at first.>”

Mélanie gives a satisfied smile, softer sweeter than any of the previous ones. She closes her eyes and nods once in comprehension. By the end of her next breath Ava’s body loses every tension and her torso topples over, falling face first into Beatrice’s lap. It was so fast Beatrice hardly had time to react and now Ava was half on top of her as she still sat with her back against the bed’s hardboard. Her raising panic is halted by a muffled groan against her chest.

**XX.**

“Holy fucking shit. I feel like they stuffed me with cotton…” Her voice is a little whiny and entirely adorable. 

“Language, Ava.” Beatrice chuckled, combing the girl’s hair with her fingers. She really liked doing that.

“Seriously though… I really don’t mind them coming and going so much, but at least give a fucking warning, you know? I wasn’t even asleep yet and was about to-” She pauses abruptly. “Not that I mind that much…” there is a slight tremble to Ava’s voice then, even as she tries to pass a light and joking air. “But why do I have a face full of boobs?”

And, really, Ava can really feel Beatrice through her sleepwear. Usually the nun had so many layers, or armor and padings that she hardly even felt Beatrice’s natural body heat through all that material, now though… Her shirt was thin, had it been white she was sure it would be a bit see through, thankfully it was dark, both the shirt and the room. She also wasn’t wearing anything underneath it... and Ava could feel...well almost everything. The heat oh her skin, her smell, the… It was a very overwhelming place to be. 

Beatrice squeaks. She, honest to God, squeaks! She also quickly rearranges them and although Ava's nose isn’t buried into her chest any longer they’re still very… close. Beatrice didn’t feel much like letting go. She was thankful for the visit in a way, but she was also a little annoyed. Ava seemed to be about to tell her something and now who knows when she will be compelled to do so again.

“You were about to?” Beatrice nudges Ava to keep going, completely ignoring the girl’s curious gaze in regard to the position she chose for them. 

Beatrice was pretty much cradling Ava in her lap, rather than lying them back into the bed, she had lifted Ava’s upper body and had positioned them as if she had given the other girl a princess carry. Upper body resting against her right shoulder, butt in her lap and legs over Beatrice’s left leg. But it was more like she was laying diagonally on top of her than anything else.

“I don’t know if you will want to have me all over you like this after I tell you.” Ava mumbles with a small voice, closing her eyes and letting her head fall on Beatrice’s shoulder. It’s like she can almost feel Beatrice. Like when you sit for too long on your own leg and lose all feeling in it, it’s so numb that any touch on it feels almost foreigner, just before blood rushed back in and it felt like you were having a thousand needles pricking you at the same time. Yeah… her whole body felt like this… that little moment before blood rushed back in…

“I don’t think that there is anything you could tell me that would make me not want you near me.” The reassurance was soft given and heartfelt and Ava can’t help herself but smile.

“Don’t tempt me. I bet I could come up with something.” Eyes still closed, she lets her smile turn mischievous.

“Stop deflecting, Ava. It’s unbecoming.” Ava feels the nudge… _actually feels the nudge_ that Beatrice gives to her hips. Beatrice probably did it instinctively since that’s where her hands were resting by, but Ava shouldn’t have been able to feel it.

“I was going to tell you my feelings.” Ava admits to it, eyes trained in Beatrice’s hand. She hears the girl's breath catch, she sees her hands fisting the hem of her shirt and _feels_ the tightening of the cloth against her skin. The feeling is not all there yet but she can feel it. The body heat too. And oh, how warm and welcoming was Beatrice’s embrace.

“Your… feelings.” It’s a whisper that’s more air than words, but said so close to Ava’s ear that it doesn’t go unnoticed by the girl. 

She is unsure then if she should really say it. She turns her head in Beatrice’s direction the girl is expressionless, but not in the usual guarded and closed of way, she is looking like that type of expressionless that can only be achieved when you’re caught completely by surprise and you’re so surprised indeed that your brain still hadn’t the time to react and actually feel something for it to be show in body language or facial expressions.

She powers on however. She trusted Beatrice. She could trust her with her feelings too. “Yes. I- I… love you, you know? And I mean that as more than a friend. More than platonically or sisterly type of love. Not that that type of love is lesser than any other… It's just different. And romantic. I mean the love I feel for you. It’s romantic. Romantic love… not like a novel or anything is what I’m saying…” _Oh God, she is a mess and is not making any sense. She should just shut up…_ “I-...” _Fucking dammit._

“Ava.” Beatrice interrupts softly caressing the girl’s left cheek and cradling it in the palm of her hand. _Thank God for Beatrice._ “You… mean it? You love me?”

“Of… of course I mean it! Why would I be making a mess of myself otherwise?” Ava is almost outraged. But she doesn’t let it get her away from her line of though, or whatever that mess had been. “I just. I know you said all that back in arq-Tech which heavily implied something. I just want you to know that I don’t expect anything…”

That last bit caught Beatrice’s attention. What did she mean by not expecting anything… “What?” Her little mumble was thoroughly ignored, however, as Ava just keeps talking.

“I know you’re a Nun, you have your vows even if the OCS’ ones make it sound like we’re already married in some weird way…” _What the fuck, Ava?_ “Anyway… I know that there’s your vows, and just because you’re… you also love differently...” She tries to be mindful of Beatrice's usual discretion, and the Nun is slightly touched by it even amidst her whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. “Doesn’t mean that you’d want anything to do with me…”

“I want everything to do with you.”

“I just meant that even if all you can give me is your friendship it’s…. What?” Ava interrupts suddenly, finally noticing that Beatrice had said something during her speech.

“I… what were you going to say? Even if all I can give you is my friendship?” Beatrice tries to diverge, she wants to hear everything Ava has to say first… she doesn’t want to hit her head into a wall just because she assumed something ahead of time.

“Bea…” Ava looks at her, intensely for a good few seconds. Beatrice is about to actually crack when the girl starts to talk again, letting her have this one. “I want you to know that. Even if all you can give me is what we have now, even if you by some miracle feel the same but are not comfortable to pursue anything more, even if all we can ever have is a platonic relationship, or even a romantic one without the physical things… I’m okay with it. Just… just don’t say that I’m confused, or projecting my feelings, because I’m not. I know what I’m feeling. I may not know much and not have that many experiences, but I know what I’m feeling. And what I’m feeling is love. For you.”

For the second time this night Beatrice is being straddled. Her face is also being held on the soffest of holds… And Ava had moved and repositioned herself without any of them really making note of it during her speech. Beatrice is also the first one to notice.

“Ava!!” She almost yells at the girl’s face, covering the hands that held her to keep them from moving. The girl, still not having noticed her new position, just looks slightly offended at the nonanswer she gets. “I love you too, dofus, but never mind that now… just… Look at you!”

“What… what do you mean by never mind that now? Bea…” She jerks back with a frown and a huff and is about to probably complain when she notices it. Maybe the sudden movement due to her indignation had triggered her perception? “I… I can move… Holy shit… when that happened?”

Beatrice pulls her into a hug causing the other girl to squeak in surprise as she uncharacteristically tosses them back down on the bed, tangling themselves together, a raucous laugh leaving her lips. A full bodied laugh, a sound filled with mirth and happiness. And Ava felt like she had ascended to Heaven and given a peak of paradise. 

“I was right… This smile is going to be the death of me.” It’s the prettiest thing she ever heard, comparable only to the Halo’s song.

“Wait…” Beatrice chokes on her laugh getting her body under control again. “You… you remember the things you said under heavy medication?” She is surprised, but nothing could really rid her of her joy at the moment. Ava was moving again, Ava was glowing! Ava loved her!

“Urgh! Lets not remember that.” Ava shudders burrowing her face into the crook of Beatrice’s neck and tightening her hold against her. Beatrice squeezed back, letting her hands rest on Ava’s back, right on top of where the Halo was. She could feel the heat, notice the shadows caused by her fingers where they covered the Halo’s glow. She could feel it humming. A small vibration and sensation of sound like a far away music indeed. “Let’s… let's talk about us.” Her voice is suddenly small, even a little reserved. There is no fear in it, but the hesitance is noticeable. “You said you love me too…”

“I do.” Beatrice confirms, eyes closing and letting herself enjoy, for the first time, completely, the proximity of the other girl. She nuzzled her hair and let Ava’s smell take over her. “And before you can ask, yes, romantically too.”

“And…” Ava tries to nudge her on. She doesn’t need to try much, however, Beatrice was more than willing to make things nice and clear between them.

“And, you’re not wrong that I still have some things in relation to my faith and role as a nun that I need to work over…” She pauses briefly, thinking over the things Ava had said. “Do you truly mean it? That you’d be satisfied even if we’re not physical?”

“I mean, we're being pretty physical right now…” Ava can’t stop herself from joking, but immediately sobers up, pulling away just enough to look at Beatrice directly in the eyes. “But yes. Even if this right now is the most we can have physically I’m fine with it.”

“Won’t… won’t you miss it? Crave it?” Beatrice's voice wasn’t accusatory, it was more close to awed than anything else, actually.

“I mean, I do kinda crave _you,_ more specifically…” The admission brings a blush to Ava’s cheeks, her glow gives a little flicker in tune with her embarrassment, but doesn’t go away. “But like. I spent the whole of my years of sexual growth and development quadriplegic and unfeeling. There was that thing with JC and I don’t disagree with Mary when she says it was just me curious and desperate to experience new things. That was exactly what it was. He was nice and helped me, but most of all he was convenient. What I’m trying to say is, I spent long enough being denied both physical and emotional support to know which really means the most to me. To know which is really fulfilling for me. So if I can have you, even if it’s only emotionally, I’m more than satisfied and your hugs and your cuddles are all the touch I need, anything else… while wonderful indeed, would just be a bonus, not a must.” By the end of Ava’s little speech, Beatrice is once again overcome by emotion, this time it overflows from her eyes in streams of tears, but she is also smiling and her tears smell of happiness, deep rooted happiness.

“You already have me. Emotionally.” She reassured letting their brows rest against one another, the tip of their noses, ever so often, brushing. “The rest, we will see about it as we go. Together.”

“Together.” Ava agreed, feeling completely at peace, maybe for the first time in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Book is Book of Ava
> 
> I'm still writing it, life really gave me a curve ball... lot's happened that kept me busy or made i hard for me to post or finish writing the last book. I'm doing it tho, don't worry... it's look like it will be just as big as this one, i also believe i'm halfway through it.

**Author's Note:**

> Next: Book of Missions


End file.
